My husband of 21 years moved out just over a year ago. We have 2 teens. I was shocked, blindsided and totally bewildered by his announcement. It took a while for him to find somewhere to move out to and in that time I began to strongly suspect OW. I had seen him hiding with his phone a few times but I had never had reason to doubt his trustworthiness so I disregarded it. He is now in a relationship (dating in his words) with this particular woman. She is 16 years younger than him.
At first, I begged and pleaded for him to save our marriage. I said I would wait indefinitely and would forgive anything as I loved him unconditionally. He said he was not coming home and there was no hope. He completely rewrote our history and blamed me for his decision to leave the marriage. If I had been a good wife he wouldn’t have wanted to leave me, he said. I admit I was constantly tired (I work full time, 6am starts, I took on extra hours when he said he wanted to start his own business). I was content with life but he said he wanted more adventure (he enjoys outdoor activities, he met the new girlfriend through one of them).
I eventually rallied myself a bit and things had become amicable between us. He said himself that we we were getting on really well and he bought me groceries and flowers. This confused me a bit, I told him so and asked him to back off as this was all giving me false hope.
In the last week he has lied to me a couple of times and become unreliable about money. He has now initiated mediation and divorce. I broke down when I saw the letter despite that I asked him to just get on with it.
I no longer cry every day and have found a few new hobbies but I can’t believe my life has come to this. He was my best friend. I had a small achievement yesterday with something and it felt so strange not being able to text him about it.
How could he have been so sure about this? How could a person do this to someone after so many years together? How can they be so certain it’s what they want? How can they be so happy (he appears to love his new life)? He took our motor home when he left and takes the new girlfriend away in it. We bought it to enjoy holidays with the kids and planned to travel Europe in it when the kids were grown up.
My parents died a decade ago within a couple of years of each other. I loved them and had just reached a point in life where I’d finally found contentment again and then this happened. I have been very low at times and have called the Samaritans a few times, I had some counselling and took antidepressants for a while. The shock has subsided but I still cry so often.
I know I need to get up off my knees and fight but I feel destroyed and constantly tired and drained. I don’t even know what I’m asking just someone who can perhaps relate to what is happening would help.
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Divorce/separation
Help please he wants to divorce
9 replies
DaisyandIvy · 04/06/2020 13:39
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