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Financial split. He’s changed his mind

(25 Posts)
Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 05:37:19

Will try to keep this brief

Mortgage is £249k
Equity is £60k

Together 11 years, lived together for 8 years married for 3
He is 33 I am 34

His wage is at least £65k (may have had a pay rise) with 10k+ pension
He has 2 children’s savings accounts that were set up when we were together. Roughly 3k in those

My wage is £12k with 3k pension
I have £2k savings
I can obtain a mortgage for £150k

Ex left 10 months ago. He paid half of mortgage up until December then has paid nothing since. I have struggled to keep the house going, the mortgage got into arrears and I’ve had to borrow money to keep on top of the payments. The mortgage is more than my wage so I applied for a D11 maintenance pending suit order in March to force him to pay half of the mortgage. Still awaiting court for this.

Mortgage is £249,000 with £60,000 equity. His wage is roughly £65,000 maybe more as he has regular pay rises and bonuses and mine is £12,800 as I work part time to look after the 2 children. He has a share save scheme and various savings accounts and Isas. No idea what is in any of those. He has a baby on the way in July with his new partner who he lives with in a £250k house

Divorce is at Decree Nisi stage. Ex proposed via solicitor in March that I could have all the equity out of the house (60k) I refused at this stage as I was waiting for the court order for maintenance pending suit and wanted to exchange form E’s. Court order held up due to corona virus so I decided I had no option but to accept his proposal, I put the house on the market 3 weeks ago. He has now changed his mind and wants 20% equity out of the house saying he has debts to pay. I have had an offer on the property of the full asking price which I have accepted. I am relying on the equity in order to move to a house near daughters school. House prices round here are quite high (200k for 3 bed semi) and my lending amount low due to wage. I called the court and they are dealing with decree nisis and absolutes as priority and then other applications as and when. She said to call back in 3/4 weeks to have an update. I don’t have the luxury of this time. What can I do? Would the court accept my request of the whole equity in respect that his earnings are 5 times higher, he lives in a home already (with new partner who’s income matches his) which is of equal value to mine? I can’t afford a solicitor so will be self representing

Any advice please would be fantastic

OP’s posts: |
MooseBeTimeForSummer Thu 28-May-20 05:54:31

I wouldn’t advise you to accept anything without full financial disclosure.

If he wanted any share of the equity I’d be deducting his half of the mortgage payments he hasn’t made from it. It sucks when you’re joint and severally liable for a mortgage but the only reason there’s equity in the property is that you’ve kept the payments up to date to avoid it being repossessed.

Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 06:04:04

Thank you for your reply. What you say makes moral sense but I’m under the impression this won’t be a valid argument in court as he will just argue he paid the mortgage for x amount of time prior?

OP’s posts: |
Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 06:06:07

Also he is unwilling to voluntarily offer financial disclosure, he is saying he will only offer this if forced, i.e if I take him to court. The court route will take months and will inevitably lose my house sale. Time is my on my side. I cannot afford to continue to pay the mortgage and I feel he is using this to his advantage but I really am stuck. Would I be reasonable to go halves and offer him 10%?

OP’s posts: |
TheBusDriver Thu 28-May-20 07:58:36

Why should he not have 20%? Then you go after his assets?

You will probably have to go to mediation where he will have to start showing his financial information. Is he paying child maintenance?

millymollymoomoo Thu 28-May-20 08:23:04

He’ll be able to argue that you were living in his share of the house therefore rent due to him
However, divorce us about needs not wants
You have 2 children to house, your earnings are less and mortgage raising capacity are less therefore you need higher assets
Therefore ALL assets must be included including his pension. You may well be awarded 100% of equity plus some pension or may be able to trade spousal maintenance for it
You must get legal advice before agreeing anything - he’ll be made to do full financial disclosure
You will probably be expected to maximise your earnings and expectation is once children are school age you can work full time

popcorndiva Thu 28-May-20 08:31:35

From this you say in total there is 80k in assets. You getting 60k is more than fair in fact considering it was such a short marriage I am suprised it's so high. He of course will pay child maintenance for the children, but you will need to look for a full time job and apply for benefits

Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 08:47:47

Yes short marriage but we were cohabiting for 8 years and together for 11. I forgot to mention youngest is 18 months and I’ve not long returned to work from maternity. We agreed I would only go back two days, he even suggested prior to separation I not go back at all to save childcare costs. I am now back 3 full days per week. I can’t afford to work more as I live 1.5 hrs away from work and the petrol and childcare costs are crippling. I am not work shy, I have always worked but as children are young I would rather wait until in school before increasing work days and hours

I am claiming benefits and child maintenance is sorted already. I’d rather not go to court as I will lose house sale. Are people advising I negotiate and maybe offer 10% or stick it out and lose house sale? I am willing to do that if I could get the full equity in order to move on

OP’s posts: |
ScarletFever Thu 28-May-20 08:55:43

I can’t afford to work more as I live 1.5 hrs away from work and the petrol and childcare costs are crippling. I am not work shy, I have always worked but as children are young I would rather wait until in school before increasing work days and hours

Can you move closer to work? Your dd can change schools

Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 09:13:55

My eldest has moved schools 3 times already due to house moves and not getting required school places, so would rather not entertain that. Also getting a part time graphic design job closer to home is pretty much impossible. Believe me I have tried for many years. I work in the city centre. It’s not excuses but the reality of the situation

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Thu 28-May-20 09:59:43

You need to understand the value of his pension ? Do you? That may allow you to argue for the full equity

You could even put in a claim for spousal as you have young children - and use that to negotiate / trade with

Without disclosure you do not know if you’re walking Away with a fair share

Divorce is based on need. As above you gave greater need as he is 1) housed 2) higher earner 3) does not have full time child care responsibilities

Its probable you would be awarded all
The equity - but you may need to balance this with the customer of pursuing

millymollymoomoo Thu 28-May-20 10:00:48

Tell him 5% or you’ll Pursue pension plus spousal

popcorndiva Thu 28-May-20 10:34:32

Spousal is rarely given these days, judges want a clean break after a short marriage, which it still is. If you go full time then check to see whether you won't be entitled to 85% childcare paid. It would be silly to depend on a man that has already moved on and is expecting another children. Expect his child maintenance to decrease when that baby is born I am afraid

ScarletFever Thu 28-May-20 10:39:00

So you won't move closer to job, which means you cannot afford childcare? You won't change job.

If you are travelling 3 hours a day, surely this is unsustainable? You either need to change job or where you live?

Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 10:45:40

Hi pension is only worth 10k is this worth pursuing at all?

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Thu 28-May-20 10:55:33

Pension seems low value ....
spousal is given in situations where one party is low earning and has childcare responsibilities especially for an inter period - say 1-2years
Yes clean breaks are preferred. The point is use it as a bargaining chip

waterSpider Thu 28-May-20 14:48:11

Offering 10% of equity, i.e. about £6k, may not fit well morally but it's possible you'll spend more on legal fees arguing about it than that.

Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 15:29:28

I’m not spending any legal fees as self representing

OP’s posts: |
mamas12 Thu 28-May-20 15:31:27

You really need representation he could be hiding all sorts

Cantsleep22 Thu 28-May-20 16:38:03

I have had advise from a solicitor and had applied to court for full financial disclosure as explained in original message. I just don’t have time on my side now the house is sold

OP’s posts: |
Wrybread Fri 29-May-20 11:44:36

That £250k house he's living in,..is it in his name? If so that's part of the marital pot as well. And if he is refusing financial disclosure, it means he's got more assets that he's keeping from you

Cantsleep22 Fri 29-May-20 12:10:54

No the property he is living in is his new partners home. I am fully aware he is probably hiding a lot. I just don’t have time to take him to court no my house is sold. I just can’t take my house off the market and go back to paying the mortgage because it is more than my wage. He has got me up a corner and he knows it. I have gone back with 15% because that leaves me with enough for a good deposit on a home. I just hope he doesn’t fight me for 5% when he knows he has a lot more than me already

OP’s posts: |
GoldenBlue Fri 29-May-20 12:31:47

Are you sure about pension value? Is the £10k not the amount per year it would pay out according to his most recent statement? If so there will be hundreds of k value. The same on yours is £3k what you've paid in or the amount from your valuation statement per annum?

I can't imagine someone on £65k only have £10k in pension unless they are really young and has only had a pension briefly.

Cantsleep22 Fri 29-May-20 13:29:28

To be honest I don’t know much about pensions. It’s just the statutory one he pays into and his company pay some into it also. Last time I checked it said he had paid 10k into it

OP’s posts: |
Cantsleep22 Fri 29-May-20 13:30:12

Ps he is 33 and only being paying into it for around 7 years

OP’s posts: |

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