Talk

Advanced search

Head in a mess over finances

(14 Posts)
flutterH Wed 27-May-20 18:55:49

Hello. I'm new to this board and been gone from MN for a few years sorry to return needy.

I want a divorce now. I think I'm ready to be just me and the kids.

But I can't grasp what to do for the best. When we got close before he said he would pay the mortgage and money for the kids. I only work part time so will find it tough to pay the rest of the bills alone. If I have no mortgage to pay and getting maintenance, are they likely to let me access any state benefits?

OP’s posts: |
flutterH Wed 27-May-20 18:59:15

Hello. I'm new to this board and been gone from MN for a few years sorry to return needy.

I want a divorce now. I think I'm ready to be just me and the kids.

But I can't grasp what to do for the best. When we got close before he said he would pay the mortgage and money for the kids. I only work part time so will find it tough to pay the rest of the bills alone. If I have no mortgage to pay and getting maintenance, are they likely to let me access any state benefits?

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Wed 27-May-20 19:29:12

How old are the children?
How long does he anticipate laying the mortgage ? Where will he live?

flutterH Wed 27-May-20 21:25:34

10 and 14 years. He reckons he will get a flat. Supposedly he will pay until the end of the term, so 20 years but then we have to sell and divide the profit should there be any.

Thanks for answering x
I know I'm at risk of his situation changing at any time.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Wed 27-May-20 22:44:07

Is he a very high earner? Pensions etc?
Those ages, it is highly probable you’ll be expected to work full time time and its uNlikely he’d be expected to pay both Mortgage and child support - of course completely dependent on your own circumstances
You need legal advice
One thing to consider is that his desire to pay the mortgage may change based on his circumstances - job losses, future girlfriend etc and that would put you in very vulnerable situation which is why a clean break is generally preferred if it can be achieved

rockandfeather Thu 28-May-20 11:10:37

Hello there, I am in a similar situation, although my ex has now met a new partner and had a baby. He's now retracted his verbal agreement to cover the mortgage and is only wanting to pay maintenance. I currently only get child benefit and tax credits. Just be aware that he may change his mind

NorthernSpirit Thu 28-May-20 12:14:48

You expect him to pay your mortgage for another 20 years, by which time the children will be 30 & 34?

Why would you want to be dependent on him for another years.

You’ll be expected to support yourself.

He’s not responsible for paying your mortgage.

Legally he’s responsible for paying child maintenance.

Can’t comment on benefits - try a online calculator.

You need some legal advice.

rockandfeather Thu 28-May-20 12:32:12

Thanks for your feedback. I don't want him to pay the mortgage, I want to sell the house, I just wanted to know what portion I should be asking for considering the difference in our income and needs as the children live with me. I can't afford legal representation at the moment as I'm not working, my business doesn't bring in enough and there is no childcare provision right now due to Covid

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 28-May-20 13:14:34

@rockandfeather it's not just about the house, but all the pensions, savings etc. Then your individual circumstances will play in. No one on here can really tell you. Hence suggesting legal advice.

Crismaple Sat 30-May-20 23:24:38

maybe call the citzens bureau, they can advise you.

unicornsarereal72 Sun 31-May-20 09:05:04

Phone around solicitors. They are offering advice over the phone and e mail. Gather all Your information about income.Pensions etc. See who offer free half an hour for advice. You can NOT afford to wing this.

Assets are 50/50 as a starting point.

He will not be responsible for the mortgage for 20 years. Unless it remains his assets and then you are homeless?

With the children's ages you need to be planning on being financially independent over the next few years.

Child support is 16% for 2 children and 12% for one. This is of his salary before tax and national insurance but after pension contributions. The. Is a sliding scale depending on the number of over nights he has the children.

They all promise the earth when they first leave. Think you would be wise to get yourself separated from him financially as soon as you can.

Turn2us website will give you an idea of benefits.

Cms calculator will give you and use of what the minimum is you can expect.

As MN would say get your ducks in a row.

CiderJolly Sun 31-May-20 10:26:41

You need to get copies of all of the finances- at the moment everything is 50/50 as a starting point but if you've always been the main carer of the children, allowing him to focus on his career then you could be entitled to more like 70/30 in your favour.
You should be able to appoint a solicitor and then pay out of the settlement money. Is there a lot of equity in the home, savings etc?
Could you get a job and then try and buy him out of his share?

So much to factor in.

But yes start with CMS calculator, hopefully he is employed and doesn't run his own business. Benefits don't class Child Maintenance as income by the way.

LemonTT Sun 31-May-20 10:30:48

The divorce will take at least the best part of a year if not two years to complete. In the meantime you will be separated.

It’s important to get agreement on how you will live separately. This won’t be easy unless you are well off. Essentially your family income will need to stretch to two homes. Any additional income in the form of benefits will make this more feasible.

Assume that in two years time you will be heading for a clean break, either immediately or within a few years. The caveat of a few years will covers any agreed period of time to allow you to retrain to get a job or allow the children to reach maturity at 18.

It’s important to start imaging where you will be in and where you want to be 10 years. For most people this will be having a secure income, home ownership and a pension. Your ex won’t be around to support that.

The warnings that he might stop supporting you are valid. But I would also warn against spending your separation and divorced years once again sacrificing your career and enabling his.

Frankola Wed 03-Jun-20 21:25:20

You'll be expected to support yourself.

You arent maximising your earning potential for starters. Get a full time job.

He also wont be required to pay the mortgage for the next 20 years - your children will be in their 30s by then...

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in