I have been with my DH for 20 years, married for 18. The last few years have been hard as he has been ill and lost a very good job and hasn't worked since. I have been paying all the bills for the whole time and it has been so hard. I feel like I don't know him anymore. He speaks about women like they are 2nd class citizens. He says I am the only decent one left. He always says really inappropriate things and I am constantly having to apologise to people for him. We have 2 kids, 8 and 14. If I am 100% honest I should not have married him. I knew from the start he wasn't the one but I felt so low and unloveable back then and he made me feel like the most amazing person on earth. The last couple of months I have just stopped caring. I feel like I have bent over backwards for him and the kids and now I am done. It is like a switch has been turned off. I don't find him attractive and cringe if he comes near me. We haven't had sex in 10 months and I never want sex with him again. I just feel nothing for him now except pity.
I have tried to tell him it is over and we need to split but he won't accept it. Has told me I am depressed or menopausal or that the lockdown is getting to me. I have been trying for 3 weeks now. He has now said if I continue with the split he will kill himself. I know it is emotional blackmail but I am so scared of this happening, not for me but for my children to have to live with it. So I now feel trapped. He doesn't have any proper friends and can't afford to rent anywhere to live. He has asked if we can go to counselling and I have said no. He says he needs to see his kids every day and I said I would not stop him. The irony is he has never taken them out without me there. He does nothing with them and spends zero time with them. He never changed nappies or did bedtimes or bathtimes when they were younger.
I can't live like this forever. I am planning to wait for lockdown to finish and then try to speak to him again when life is a bit more normal. I want my life back. There is no-one else involved, I just don't want to be with him anymore but he won't accept it.
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Divorce/separation
He won't accept it is over
11 replies
GinGym · 16/05/2020 23:26
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