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Ive told him I want to seperate after 12months of misery. Now he wants mediation....

(6 Posts)
DarkcloudsBlueskies Fri 15-May-20 09:45:06

Things have not been good for 12months. i have tried various things including instigating counselling. However I just feel completely shut down and that nothing could be said or done to rectify things.
We have children.
After Id told him I wanted to separate (not with a viewpoint to reconcile) I felt that a weight had been lifted. Since he asked for mediation I feel anxious and sick to my stomach.
I feel I have done what was needed and had necessary chats and given him the space and understanding he has needed in the past 12months - my gut feeling is that he only wants to try and find resolves now because of the impending fear. I feel the realisation is too late.

OP’s posts: |
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Fri 15-May-20 17:46:01

Say yes to mediation and then leave it to him to organise meanwhile you still proceed with the divorce process.

Do you think he'll organise all the mediation?

Chumpnomore Fri 15-May-20 17:46:30

Hi! Mediation and counselling are very different things in the divorce process.
Mediation is, in my opinion, much more beneficial than heading to the courts!
A mediator isn't there to reconcile you. She's there to give impartial guidance in how to separate fairly. They are often solicitors who have many years of experience.
My advice would be that if your OH is keen to attend mediation, go for it! In the long run, it will be cheaper and less stressful than toing and fro ing with solicitors.
My Stbx refused mediation and its been hideous and expensive!
The mediator is able to put together a agreement for the solicitors to formalise for you. Good luck.

NamechangeOnceMore Sat 16-May-20 10:59:47

Mediation isn't counselling and it's not about reconciliation. It's about agreeing arrangements for children and finances without going to court. It's usually much less stressful, and cheaper, than court, so it's worth a go if there's no history of abuse (if the split was very acrimonious, shuttle mediation can work well).

anappleadaykeeps Fri 22-May-20 10:04:06

Does your Ex realise that mediation is to sort out the split (finances and child arrangements)?

My Ex really thought that Mediation was a way for him to (reluctantly) agree to change a few bits of behaviour, and then the mediator would tell me to come back home.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 22-May-20 10:09:18

I'm confused as to what your husband thinks or what you think... Mediation is definitely not counselling. Which one does your husband actually mean?

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