equity

[Stinginthetail]

I've told my DH I want a divorce. I'm not sure if he knows I am actually serious but he's said I can have 100% of the equity. He's a porn addict and has basically ruined my life I feel given we've been married 19 years and together 22 years. The porn I did get over but it graduated to sex sites, first gumtree then craigslist and then fabswingers and a multitude of other sites. He's definetly tried to meet girls (and did meet one that I found out about but nothing happened) and I found lots of messages going back a few years (nothing recent in the last 12 months) trying to arrange hook ups both locally and when he's been away for work trips. Me finding stuff out about this has happened every 1-2 years for at least the last 11 years (found out first time when I was 4 months pregnant with DC2). I stayed initially as kids were small, I wouldn't have coped well on my own and I guess I forgave him, he begged forgiveness etc promised not to do it again. He's always said I can have 100% of the equity (I guess he feels ashamed). We live in London. Property isn't cheap and if I can't afford to buy something for me and the kids I'd need to leave London. Since finding dick pics a couple of weeks ago on his camera roll and telling him really this is it now I asked him about the 100% equity thing and he said yes. We're talking about £500,000. Do you think a judge would allow this? i know nothing about divorce so don't know how this all works. If he really wants me to have it all then will anyone stop him? I was thinking not to ask for any maintenance etc and I'd support the kids myself from my own salary and I'd still need a small mortgage. He earns only about £2000 a month so he'd barely be able to rent a studio flat really so i'd just let him keep all that. Does that sound even remotely fair? I have a better pension too. I will be OK. I feel his total lack of respect for women is a bad role model so I don't want to 50/50 share the kids and think why the bloody hell should I ? Thought please? xx

[millymollymoomoo]

Without your husband demonstrating he’s had full legal advice And chosen to ignore it then no I don’t think a judge would accept it especially if you have a better pension
And really , it’s not fair is it ?

[SallyR12345]

Are you still working and how does your income compare with his? A Judge wouldn't have any interest in how he's behaved in terms of apportioning settlement, he is interested in finding a workable solution first and foremost for your children and secondly for you both. Agree with Millymollymoomoo, it probably wouldn't get the seal of approval.

[Stinginthetail]

Yes I work f/t but I've been in the same job for a blue chip company for 20 years hence a steady pension. I take home only about £300 more a month as I pay into the pension, share save and lifetime insurance. I earn £38k he earns £32k. I've asked him for years and years to sort his pension out (lots of bits n Bobs all over the place) but he never has. He's also been sacked from loads of jobs over the years cos of his big mouth (although his industry is just like that for sacking people). I've supported him always and my parents have bailed us out at times. His choice really to not plan for the future. Why should he be entitled to my pension? I don't think he'd want any of it anyway. The trouble is without the equity I can't afford to buy a 3 bed property around here (I have a boy and girl 13 and 10). His choice to constantly seek extramarital stuff via swingers sites and destroy the marriage and family. why should we end up leaving our area and kids leaving school because of him? So unfair. I do need to speak to a solicitor I think!

[millymollymoomoo]

Who paid what doesn’t matter
You’re married
What matters is level setting you both on equal footing going forward. Doesn’t mean 50% split but a fair share
What you’re currently proposing isn’t fair
Both you and him need individual legal advice.

[millymollymoomoo]

And I agree that his behaviour and extra marital affairs won’t impact on legal definition of a fair split.

[BarbedBloom]

No, a judge won't allow an unfair split

[HelloBolloxMyOldFriend]

A judge might indeed allow an unfair split if they usually work in an entirely different part of the law and are filling on one day in family court. Happened to me.

[Stinginthetail]

Even if it's what my stbxh wants? Does it have to go via a judge if we have agreed on the split ourselves?

[millymollymoomoo]

Consent order still needs to be approved

Your Dh will need to demonstrate that he has had independent legal advice and knows what he is doing

And that he is going to be left with absolutely nothing.

[Fiveasidefootballfamily]

I know he’s done wrong but he is your children’s father and as you’ve admitted yourself, he will struggle to even rent a bedsit so how would he be able to live or have any contact with his children? Surely he would have to move miles away and then could he keep his job? If he lived in shared housing, he wouldn’t be able to have his children overnight. Although you’re angry and he has definitely done wrong, would you be happy to see him potentially jobless and on the streets? Just because he feels you deserve this, doesn’t not mean it is morally right to want to take it. Do you think your children would look at this in the future and feel you have behaved fairly?