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AIBU to want Partner with me?

(16 Posts)
Penguin4 Tue 21-Apr-20 08:10:46

I’ve been separated for nearly 2 1/2 years and now have a lovely partner who doesn’t officially live with us, but stays a lot.
We are self isolating as children have asthma and very worried about the virus for them.
I’ve just had my partner so upset on the phone tonight.
He’s so upset that he’s not here with us, angry at my ex for refusing to let him be here as it’s not safe for our children.
I feel completely stuck and confused.
I know my partner has stuck to all the rules of social distancing and been home alone. But ex won’t have it, as he’s not seeing the children then neither can partner. telling me if he sees him here he’ll physically remove him.
Meanwhile Ex hasn’t seen the children for almost 5 weeks as he’s working still (not keyworker) and seeing other members of his family.
I really want the support of my partner and miss him terribly.
What do I do. AIBU to want him here?

OP’s posts: |
Bathbedandbeyond Tue 21-Apr-20 08:52:35

That’s really very difficult OP, I enormously feel for you. My boyfriend ended up moving in, as he’s self-isolating, I didn’t think it’d present a Covid risk.

okiedokieme Tue 21-Apr-20 09:02:56

If he moves in for the duration then it's within the rules

slipperywhensparticus Tue 21-Apr-20 09:04:48

Does your ex husband live with you? Why does he have so much control over your life ?

Sisterlove Tue 21-Apr-20 09:14:36

I don't understand why your Ex gets to dictate what happens in your house.

If your partner came to stay with you from the beginning of isolation, it would have been okay, no matter what your Ex thinks.

You'renot really meant to change arrangements during the isolation period though.

NotStayingIn Tue 21-Apr-20 09:17:13

It sounds a little bit from your post that you are being manipulated by both men and have little opinion of your own?

How long have you been with the new guy? Would it be appropriate for him to stay at yours, do your children know him well, like him, would they mind if he stayed?

As long as you are following the government rules and it is appropriate for the stage your relationship is at then it’s your choice, not your ex’s.

But ideally it would be helpful in the future if you are more in charge of your own decisions. I don’t think you need your ex forbidding it and your new bloke to try and emotionally guilt you into it, as the two options to decide between. If you see what I mean. Good luck it sounds very tricky.

Penguin4 Tue 21-Apr-20 12:09:00

Hi, Ex doesn’t live with me. I moved out 2 years ago.
Kids really like partner and he has stayed many times and are comfortable with him.
I just really wanted to have an amicable relationship with my ex and not get into game playing or do anything to intentionally hurt him.
He plays on my anxiety about the kids health and uses that to not stand up to him.

OP’s posts: |
NorthernSpirit Tue 21-Apr-20 16:21:21

No, your partner shouldn’t move in.

You don’t live together and there’s no movement between households.

Candyfloss99 Tue 21-Apr-20 17:56:57

Your ex is your ex. He has no control over your new boyfriend. How would you like it if your boyfriend's ex was saying what you can and can't do?

Fantasiaa Tue 21-Apr-20 18:11:16

how well will your children cope with having your partner with them 24/7 ? are they close enough ?

Travelonbusiness Tue 21-Apr-20 23:41:31

You need to stay as you are. Your partner needs to understand that and stop being so dramatic.

Hannah021 Tue 21-Apr-20 23:55:13

If ur partner self isolated for 2 weeks and is safe near ur kids, then ur ex should f off.

Ur ex isnt seeing them cuz he cant self isolate, thats his problem.

CuppaZa Tue 21-Apr-20 23:55:15

If you think your kids can cope with him being there 24/7 and you’re sure everyone will be happy, then he can move in m, but it needs to be for the duration. No coming and going. If he’s telling the truth, and has been isolating, I don’t see the issue? There’s a bigger issue...your ex. He doesn’t get to dictate your life, nor your partners.

HeddaGarbled Wed 22-Apr-20 00:08:44

Completely agree with @NotStayingIn - you are being bullied/bossed about/emotionally blackmailed by both of them. They are both willy waving. Ignore both of them. Your partner could support you without moving in. That he chooses not to, but to make your life more difficult than it needs to be at this already difficult time, with his pathetic alpha-male sparring with your ex, says a great deal about him.

Penguin4 Wed 22-Apr-20 08:41:44

I find it so hard to stand up to him.(ex) He tells me I’m putting the children at risk or makes me 2nd guess everything I think. He knows me very well (15years) and I suffer with generalised anxiety disorder so I overthink everything!
I know we’re already into this isolation period for everyone so I’ll wait another two weeks till we know more and then I’ll try to stand my ground.
I completely trust my partner, I know he hasn’t worked or seen family or friends. Just a shop for me and him each week that he drops on the doorstep for me.
I just don’t want anyone to get hurt or for him to try and use the kids against me if I make a decision he’s not happy with, I know I shouldn’t care but these children mean everything to me and I want to keep them happy and safe.

OP’s posts: |
HeddaGarbled Thu 23-Apr-20 00:43:49

Think of it like this: if your partner had to work abroad for two months, you’d miss him, but you’d cope. You can manage temporarily without him moving in with you.

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