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how much contact eg phone/ FaceTime when not with NR parent

(15 Posts)
karma1979 Tue 14-Apr-20 07:45:05

Just that really. Just wondered how much your ex contacts the kids when not with them... FaceTime/phone etc. Especially those who have a 12:2 like me. Thanks

OP’s posts: |
AustinRd Fri 17-Apr-20 11:48:21

CO provides for 1 weekly FT on the off weekend but this is the minimum as far as I’m concerned. Ex is entitled/welcome to call, FT or text any time they wish they are after all DC parent. In reality they don’t, they stick to once a week and then try to drag the FT out which doesn’t work with kids as they get bored quickly.

NorthernSpirit Fri 17-Apr-20 17:22:04

My OH who has 2 kids - built into CAO:

3 calls per week - Tue, Thu & Sun (he doesn’t do the Sun the weekends he has them).

It had to be written into CO as mother was obstructive to contact.

RoseMartha Fri 17-Apr-20 23:25:37

We dont have an order in place but the dc can contact ex when they like which unfortunately for my ex is not as much as he would like.

I did initially and later on, write down suggestions for contact and always encourage it.

However he very rarely calls them, just moans or verbally abuses and tries to guilt trip or threaten me that I need to make them call him between contact. I do suggest they call him if I know they haven't during the week but I do not force it.

I think he needs to parent and call them himself. 🙄 they are the kids, he is the adult.

RainbowMum11 Fri 17-Apr-20 23:31:25

We are doing 5 days each and generally FaceTime once or twice during the period we aren't with her..

RainbowMum11 Fri 17-Apr-20 23:32:52

Oh and it's always the parent making the call, if left to DD she's wouldn't do anything!!

Cheesecakejar Fri 17-Apr-20 23:34:17

Usually once over the 3 days they are here. Can do as often as they wanted though, I try to encourage it to be honest. When with RP they phone us probably twice before we see them again.

jelly79 Fri 17-Apr-20 23:38:54

Ex has DS every other weekend and never calls him in between. If he wants to he always can. Hasn't seen him during lockdown but has FaceTimed weekly.

Muddlingalongalone Fri 17-Apr-20 23:42:04

We do tues, thurs, sun as standard but basically they have access to ipad & can call whenever they like.

GreeneryScenery Sat 18-Apr-20 07:22:46

My partner sees his daughter (8) every other weekend, but calls in between times are very rare because he has to use her mums phone, and she keeps the phone on loudspeaker and joins in the conversation - it's all very awkward and hostile.

I suspect once she has a phone of her own it will increase.

OhamIreally Sat 18-Apr-20 13:13:50

I set up my ex's number on my landline as "Daddy" so he can call as often as he likes and she sees it's him and picks up. She knows she can call him using that preset but never does.
He's calling daily at the moment which is fine with me.
When she was younger he went 12 weeks without calling or seeing her so I'm glad he's making more effort. On the other hand now he has bestirred himself he now wants to take me to court to formalise contact (high days and holidays only, mind).

karma1979 Sun 19-Apr-20 00:04:21

Thanks for all the replies. I guess I need him to choose to contact his kids.... just makes me sad that he seems ok with no contact for 12 days at a time... but he was never really involved when here anyways so why am I surprised? Should I try and instigate a scheduled weekly chat or just leave it? Kids are 8 and 12 (12 yo does have own phone so he might text her without me knowing I guess).

OP’s posts: |
StormBaby Sun 19-Apr-20 00:15:26

I have 50/50 with my ex and always have and we never call on our 'off days'. Recently we had to do a 2 week stint with them with me as we were quarantined and ex did call a few times. Same if one of us goes on holiday, but normally when it's 50/50 we don't call.

My stepkids used to call their dad every night for hours and hours when I first met him, screaming and sobbing down the phone. It was horrendous. When they first started staying over at my house, they didn't call their mum at all, she didn't seem fussed to be honest, but now it's like a competitive act 5 years down the line. I just don't see the need personally, especially if they're only away for 2 nights at a time. They are all teenagers, not babies. The kids argue over who us going to do it, whose turn it is, it's a real chore, and I always seem to be the one reminding/nagging them to call her. It'll be 3 hours passed the time they are supposed to call and they'll still be arguing about it. I imagine she now has to do the same at home to get them to call thier Dad. It's a pointless exercise.

JaggySplinter Mon 20-Apr-20 15:44:37

My ex rarely does, and won't commit to a fixed or even semi regular time.

I generally cajole the children to call every few days or text him. Sometimes they do, some times they don't. He often doesn't answer. They a have their own phones but are young so both parents have the right/responsibility to check up on them to make sure they are staying safe and being contacted by strangers.

They haven't seen him in person since lockdown started, but even when we were married they went 4-5 weeks without seeing him every summer anyway because he didn't come on family holidays or take time off work.

JaggySplinter Mon 20-Apr-20 15:45:26

When at his, one DD calls me every morning/evening. The other 2 don't speak to me when at his for the weekend.

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