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Are my exs demands unreasonable?

(14 Posts)
Billibob84 Fri 10-Apr-20 22:10:45

In the process of divorcing from my ex but still living together and now in lockdown. I work in a hospital, my role has always been partly front line but will be changing due to the crisis and will be fully front line.
We have 3 children. My ex wants me to quit my job rather than risk becoming ill and /or making the kids/him ill. Or he thinks I should move out and not see the kids until it's over.
I do not want to quit my job and make myself financially vulnerable, nor do I not want to see my kids for ? 3 months. I'm being as careful as I can to not spread the virus. He says I am putting everyone in danger and obviously do not care about my family. AIBU to not be following his demands? I should add we are divorcing because he can be emotionally abusive and controlling. Thanks x

OP’s posts: |
Cabinfever10 Sat 11-Apr-20 00:07:25

Your ex is being a controlling twat and using covid19 as an excuse/means to kick you out and make themselves primary carer whilst sounding reasonable and giving you the "choice " because you could have quit your job, ie you don't care enough about the DC.
Please ignore this person don't quit your job, it will leave you in a very vulnerable situation and DON'T move out

Cabinfever10 Sat 11-Apr-20 00:14:14

Ps I think that your doing an amazing job and he is a massive twat for using your job as a means to question your parenting or care of your DC.
Try to think of him as a flat earther ie sounds mildly plausible when you're not really thinking about what you are hearing but as soon as you really listen all you hear is I'm so special and everyone else is stupid.

millymollymoomoo Sat 11-Apr-20 08:12:18

I agree with PP
Don’t even consider this!

MrsCollinssettled Sat 11-Apr-20 08:17:59

Sounds like the kind of bloke who would demand you move out to protect your family, then once you have gone would then say that he couldn't manage the kids and you were to take them, putting you in a position where you'd probably have to give up work anyway.

Don't do it OP

PeacockPies Sat 11-Apr-20 08:33:55

Surely you would be the one who has the most knowledge about the situation, over him I mean, and can therefore make a more informed decision about the dc.

The idea of giving your job up is madness. Actually one of my friends dh did this after they split up. She had a professional job and he was always on at her about how she couldn't have the dc and the job and she could give it up.

Soontobe60 Sat 11-Apr-20 08:36:09

To be fair, I know a lot of frontline hospital staff that are stopping in hotels and student accommodation for the duration so they don't put their families at risk. A friend works in a care home, and all the staff are staying onsite, she's not been home for 3 weeks. So he does have a point.

Hazelnutlatteplease Sat 11-Apr-20 08:41:57

Tbh if it wasn't mid relationship breakdown and there was someone able to look after the kids i would definitely be stopping elsewhere.

What he's saying isnt intrinsically unreasonable. Just ypud worry the impact during potential child arrangement hearings. Although courts favour 50/50 anyway these days

toryandproud Sat 11-Apr-20 10:00:48

he's a complete **, if he's scared he should move out silly

Billibob84 Sat 11-Apr-20 10:37:49

Thanks for your replies. I do understand his concerns to some extent and I know people who have moved out. If I could send them to my mums I would but obvs cant. If it was just a couple of weeks I'd consider it but the thought of leaving for who knows how long and leaving them with him (hes wfh with them which is bad enough but add 24/7 to the mix and he defo wouldn't cope.)
It just feels like an impossible situation but i am so angry hes said I dont care.

Cabinfever10 thank you that's really kind xx

OP’s posts: |
Soontobe60 Sat 11-Apr-20 11:28:01

Why don’t you speak to your work and see what they suggest. They may tell you to stay home in this situation

Billibob84 Sat 11-Apr-20 19:07:01

I have, they haven't said I can stay home but said I could take leave, would only buy me a couple of weeks. Also I dont really want to be at home I want to be doing my job and helping.

OP’s posts: |
Elieza Sat 11-Apr-20 19:37:13

As long as you have all the protective gear you need to stay safe it should be ok.

If not then he totally has a point.

You could put the shit up him by telling him your mother is going to move in with him and the kids as you’re moving to hers alone to isolate.
Cover kids ears in case of his swearing, Light blue torch paper and retire.....!

Billibob84 Sat 11-Apr-20 21:08:02

Haha Elieza great idea, that would get him moving! I'll have the standard ppe, its nothing compared to what other countries have so who knows if its enough!

OP’s posts: |

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