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Ex using Covid-19 to duck childcare

(12 Posts)
Pandaponda Sat 28-Mar-20 20:45:18

Extremely toxic separation two years ago involving non molestation order as a result of domestic abuse to me (not kids). I’m the resident parent and main earner with kids ranging from 7-15. We have an informal arrangement regarding childcare - he has them for 2-3 weekends a month. We had to self isolate 2 days before school closure as one of kids had a fever. Ex decided this meant he couldn’t have the kids at all during the 14 day period even though he had been exposed just before cough started. Now refusing to confirm any contact arrangements at all. I’m self employed, struggling to work from home and hold onto my remaining clients with 4 kids to care for , plus I don’t meet the threshold for self employed help. Kids very full on and make it hard for me to work. I will take him to court to sort a parenting order when CV crisis is over - IF I still have any work at the end of it. Is anyone else experiencing similar or can anyone offer advice?

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Pandaponda Sat 28-Mar-20 20:49:14

I should add that school closure means I now need him to have them more than just weekends.

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sadwithkiddies Sun 29-Mar-20 14:26:31

Even with a coyrt order my ex has done the refusing to have the kids as his girlfriend's kids are there and going back and fore to their dad' he's not allowing ours to go to see him .
I'm appalled he's cancelled contact and asking the kids solicitor to alter the interim court order on Monday to state no contact now until this virus is over.
I feel for you OP.

JuanSheetIsPlenty Sun 29-Mar-20 14:31:40

Quite honestly, as someone who has been through it I would be thrilled with them having as little contact with him as possible. He’s abusive. And maybe he hasn’t directed that towards them (yet) but you can bet your ass they’re learning from him. The less time they spend with him the better. I think you should change your mindset and see this as a positive. And yes I realise how hard it is to be solely responsible for kids and trying to work- I’m doing it. The sooner you accept this is better for them the sooner you are able to adjust your life to make it work. In your shoes I’d be aiming to make him as redundant as possible to your and their lives.

Somebodystired Sun 29-Mar-20 15:04:39

It's a difficult and unprecedented situation. You can see from various other threads on here that a large number of people don't think NRP should be seeing their children at all for the time being.

Pandaponda Sun 29-Mar-20 15:26:01

Thank you all. And yes in theory there is an upside to them not seeing him. Unfortunately though if I can’t work it could ruin us financially as I’m self employed and don’t qualify for govt help. So it’s a bit more complicated than just a mindset change. 😊

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JuanSheetIsPlenty Sun 29-Mar-20 15:28:40

I know- I get it. Like I said I’ve done it. I’m also self employed so I get that too. My ex hasn’t seen our DC for 3 years or paid any maintenance. It’s entirely on me. The mindset change made it a million times easier to do.

converseandjeans Sun 29-Mar-20 15:35:49

I agree with Juan Speak to your school to explain the difficulties. They may agree to help you out.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 29-Mar-20 15:37:47

Why don't you qualify for ANY government help?

Are you on universal credit? You will get an extra £1000 a year..

LaurieFairyCake Sun 29-Mar-20 15:39:31

If you started self employed 2 years ago it doesn't matter if you've not submitted 3 years tax returns, Rishi Sunak said they would take ANY information

Frankola Mon 30-Mar-20 17:48:17

I'm sorry but if there are people in your house showing symptoms you shouldn't be sending them anywhere else.


If this was a case of him ducking childcare when the kids didnt have symptoms I'd agree he was a dick.

But this is different. They potentially have covid.

Pandaponda Mon 30-Mar-20 18:23:48

And they haven’t gone anywhere else. We’ve self isolated. But he has still used this lockdown as an excuse not to confirm any childcare arrangements going forward at all. They are not more my children or more my responsibility than his. @JuanSheetIsPlenty I would be really interested to know how you did this as I think it is the way forward. Would you be ok to DM me? Thanks again everyone

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