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Lockdown and child seeing dad whilst living with vulnerable

(15 Posts)
HollyIvy89 Fri 27-Mar-20 10:45:23

I’m currently living with my older parents having moved in as stop gap before my house purchase went through.

My house purchase has now been out on hold by the government.

The kids are with me and my parents and due to see their dad this weekend.

He chose to lockdown with his girlfriend who he doesn’t normally live with and
her older daughters in another town.

He had planned to take kids to his own place for the night.

My parents have expressed their worry at the kids moving between homes and he cross contaminating as he is moving from his girlfriends house with any germs from that family as such and could spread to the kids who bring home to my parents house.

I feel sick. I tried to explain as best I could. I would be happy under normal circumstances for him to take them as agreed but I must respect my parents wishes and health.

Am I being reasonable?

OP’s posts: |
BuzzingButterfly Fri 27-Mar-20 12:31:59

Is there a court order in place?

HollyIvy89 Fri 27-Mar-20 13:20:06

No there isn’t. Just a statement of intent.

OP’s posts: |
Jazzycat84 Fri 27-Mar-20 13:30:33

If he has been self isolating what’s the problem. You don’t get Corona from cross contamination. He has been self isolating and he is taking them to his own house there doesn’t seem to be any risk to me. I think it’s unreasonable to deny access when he has minimised the risk.

peajotter Fri 27-Mar-20 13:35:38

The next two weeks are highest risk imo. Would he be willing, for the kids health as well as yours and his, to switch the days until three weeks time? He could have them for longer later. If not, I think you have to send them. It is moderately low risk.

peajotter Fri 27-Mar-20 13:37:11

There is still a risk that either household has it as it can take up to 14 days for symptoms to appear. You halve the risk by keeping separate.

HollyIvy89 Fri 27-Mar-20 13:38:39

He hasn’t been self isolating on his own. He has been living with his girlfriend and her daughters this week and her daughter have a father they will see, he planned to leave girlfriends and collect his kids and take to his flat and then bring them back to my parents where we are living. My point being is that my parents are older and are worried about the amount of people there father has been in contact with.

OP’s posts: |
HollyIvy89 Fri 27-Mar-20 13:41:09

If it was just me and kids then of course I’d let him take them but I have to respect my parents are in the more vulnerable age group and people in the household shouldn’t be coming and going.
I feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Of course he can see more of them once this is all more stable and the government deem it safe for us to move freely. I feel awful having this decision on my shoulders.

OP’s posts: |
Wishandwonder Sun 29-Mar-20 06:17:53

Imagine this was the other way around and he said he’ll keep the children until this is over which could be months and you can see them more after. Would this be acceptable to you? Would you be prepared to go months without seeing your children? Assuming all else is well and he is a good father it’s not fair to do this to him.
Maybe you could find a resolution such as asking him to isolate at his flat alone for 7 days then letting him have the kids for longer 1/2 weeks. Just saying no you can’t see your kids because your step daughter is seeing her dad is not fair IMO.

Actionhasmagic Sun 29-Mar-20 06:20:44

These are exceptional circumstances and I wouldn’t risk anything. Try setting up daily video calls for them. Don’t risk your parents lives

Darklesparkles Sun 29-Mar-20 10:44:12

Hi I am in the same boat. Living with parents, one of which over 70 and one with multiple underlying health conditions. My ex has continued to work in the city this week, though now he might go into self-isolation as he may be allowed to work from home. I chatted to my solicitor on wed, she advised that in my personal circumstances that she did not think that it was unreasonable for me to keep DS for 3 weeks and then reassess circumstances. Itnis our parents lives. Hope that is helpful.

HollyIvy89 Sun 29-Mar-20 11:45:54

Thank you for you replies. V helpful and reassuring.
I do think that if he can self isolate in his own home for 7 days away from girlfriend and family then I can take kids to him and drop off. I am not sure if I should suggest as I don’t want him to think I am interfering in his new relationship. I am hoping he may come to this conclusion.
I will reassess in a week or 2. I certainly don’t want him to have no physical contact for more than necessary but I must protect my parents who are older and who I have to live with as I am now unable to buy a house as the government have locked that down too.

I am well aware that if the shoe was on the other foot I would be beside myself that is why I feel so awful about being in this position.

OP’s posts: |
Sandra122 Sun 12-Apr-20 19:15:16

Hey I'm in similar situation and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. I have 3 children and their dad moved out a few months ago. I have been self isolating with the kids for the past month. He ain't doing the same he's going to the beach, going to parties,going his mates house and out and about which made me really mad. I told him I can't let you see the kids if your going out and about whilst I'm self isolating to protect our children and that he should be doing the same and self isolate and that it's only a temporary thing,he could call and video call them anytime. He got really mad and is now saying that I'm banning him from seeing the kids. I just want to know am I doing the right thing or am I wrong in doing this? Please I really need some advice.

DeathByBoredom Sun 12-Apr-20 19:19:21

He could have them for the next few weeks and self isolate with them before bringing them back? Fairer than them staying with you for a month or so without visits?

Sandra122 Sun 12-Apr-20 19:25:30

He lives in shared housing and he ain't got the space for the kids and he's always has different people coming in and out of his room.I have never banned him from seeing them. If he self isolated and was more careful then I wouldnt have a problem seeing them.

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