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Divorce and new man

(9 Posts)
Shakeyitoff Thu 26-Mar-20 21:08:09

Currently sharing house with my ex until he sees whether he can afford to buy me out. He’s delaying mediation as much as possible and now corona has hit so nothing’s going to happen soon. Kids are age 6&8 and know we’re planning on living separately.

I have met, and was completely unprepared to fall in love with someone new. Thought that was never going to be for me again. It’s also happened pretty quickly, known him 4 months, been dating 3 months. Can’t believe it really. He lives about an hour away. Time together is limited due to needing to be with my children. I haven’t told my ex yet on advice of a friend who is a family lawyer. Thing is, he thinks I’m visiting a friend when I go away for a night or two. I hate the deception and feeling like I’m having an affair and not very proud of lying to him even though it’s probably for his own sake and to keep life as pleasant as possible until finances and divorce settled.

New chap is completely understanding of this. I want to on the one hand get on with life and would love the children to meet him. We’re both pretty certain this is the real thing even though it’s so soon. On the other I don’t want to hurt my ex any more than I have to and want the divorce to be as amicable as possible.

Do I tell ex and get on with life and take the flack, or keep quiet and wait it out? Can’t move out in to rented, as I have a dog and it’s two moves for my children but no money to buy anything until divorce sorted. I think I probably ought to wait it out, but getting impatient with the lack of progress.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Thu 26-Mar-20 21:12:51

It’s way to soon for your children to meet him! You’ve not even properly separated !
Whether you tell your ex or not is a separate matter but keep your kids out of it

Shakeyitoff Thu 26-Mar-20 21:17:41

Don’t worry, not going to formally introduce the kids yet! I know there’s a lot of change ahead of them to deal with. They seem to be taking things well so far but obviously reality probably hasn’t hit.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Thu 26-Mar-20 22:04:22

It won’t hit until you physically separate and the kids are moved between houses and don’t see their parents together

Sort out your separation, housing and child arrangements first

Normalmumandwife Fri 27-Mar-20 17:02:39

Agree with @millymollymoomoo. I think you are crazy starting dating when still in the same house...is a recipe for disaster when he finds out and given current circs you will be stuck together for a while

dam2real Sun 29-Mar-20 20:09:52

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Meeeh Sun 29-Mar-20 21:33:36

I started dating about 9 months after we split. I kept it secret from the kids a further year. I’d been with my bf for six months by the time they found out.

AlternativePerspective Sun 29-Mar-20 21:40:49

Dating when you’re still living with your ex is a spectacularly bad idea.

So often we see posts on here from women who say “he’s just living with his ex until the divorce is sorted,” and posters always tell them to be wary, that they could get back together or actually probably aren’t even separated.

Even given the circumstances you’re not in a position to be in a new relationship as you haven’t fully exited the last one yet.

There’s no need to rush. If he’s the one he’ll still be there in six months time, and given we’re all on lockdown you won’t be seeing him for the foreseeable future anyway. Wait and see what several months apart does for your relationship and feelings for one another before you start declaring this to be “it”.

Ellisandra Sun 29-Mar-20 23:08:19

Date him if you want, but your “I’m not going to formally introduce” him, straight after you said you’d love the children to meet him, smacks of backtracking and you planning for him to hang out with them as “mummy’s friend” hmm
Don’t be a dick.

Why would you “love” for him to meet them? You have known him 18 weeks. 18. Why would you love to introduce young children to the bloke you’re fucking?

Give your head a wobble.

Surely it’s a moot question for now anyway?

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