Seeing dad during the coronavirus situation

[westendgirlx]

Hi, I just wondered what other divorced parents this about this?

My 15 year old daughter lives with me, her mum. Her dad lives 150 miles away. We are both remarried.

She visits her dad usually at school holidays. Her last visit was at February half term.

We hadn't got a visit arranged for the Easter holidays because my daughter was going on holiday with me and my husband to France. Now, obviously, that is cancelled!

Yesterday, her dad asks, can our daughter visit him! What do I say? My inclination is to say no because was don't know how much worse coronavirus is going to get.

Plus, my ex, his wife, his parents and my husband are all in the vulnerable categories, either because of age or health conditions. And what would happen if there's a sudden case of the virus in his family whilst she visits?

She also has to complete daily schoolwork via email and she has that all set up here at home. She would have to take a couple of suitcases full of books and a laptop with her. I exaggerate not! She has already had work emailed today from a teacher...on a Saturday!

[PinkCrayon]

We arent seeing my stepchild his mum is in agreement its for the best at the moment.
Life isn't going to be normal at the moment as shitty as it is, we will be facetiming

[westendgirlx]

Thanks Pink Crayon

I did remind him that she has a mobile phone, tho' he never phones, only texts. I might suggest Skype?

[westendgirlx]

I'm just nervous because he took me to court in the past but I guess that, in these circumstances, I'm being reasonable? I imagine that family courts probably wouldn't be interested in this or even operating at the moment?

[PinkCrayon]

Yes I would @westendgirlx at least they can 'see' each other in a sense then.

[PinkCrayon]

Sorry cross posted. In these circumstances you are not being unreasonable and like you say its unlikely the courts will even be operating soon.
We have been advised as a nation to stay at home so its what we should do.
You won't be the only parent having to make the same decision there have been many threads on here lately saying the same thing.

[westendgirlx]

Oh,I had looked for some and couldn't see any. I knew there would be lots of us in the same situation! Many thanks x

[TheBusDriver]

But if she is showing no symptoms and not been around any one who has why cant she go?

[westendgirlx]

Sometimes young people show no symptoms yet they are carriers. And if she or anyone in her dad's home develop symptoms at dad's, she can't come home for two weeks. He's disabled...very vulnerable and if he and his wife, who also has health problems, become ill, does my daughter have to be their carer/be responsible for calling an ambulance?

[westendgirlx]

So much could go wrong

[millymollymoomoo]

I wouldn’t send her. Sounds awful but he wasn’t going to be seeing her anyway
FaceTime calls etc I think Even more so as they are in vulnerable categories

[westendgirlx]

I am thinking the same now millymollymoomoo. I'm not sure why her dad has asked in the middle of all the recent government advice. If she became ill I wouldn't be even able to bring her home! She has a mobile phone and a laptop for contact...he only ever texts but I have previously suggested WhatsApp video calls and Skype, but he never has...that's up to him, I guess. My daughter is tech savvy enough to work it and she never has either, despite my suggestion!

[NorthernSpirit]

I have 2 stepchildren (who have court ordered contact).

None of us are showing any signs of Covid-19 so contact is going ahead as usual.

The UK is under ‘ social distancing’ NOT isolation.

Social distancing aims to REDUCE the amount of close contact. Not stop all contact.

Does that mean never going out? No.

Legal advice on child contact arrangements:

Do parents have to stick to court orders?

Court orders are meant to be stuck to, and they can be enforced if they aren’t.

If it is safe and practical to do so you should stick to them and you should expect the other parent to do so.

CAFCASS have issued guidelines with regards to child contact.

“ Unless there are justified medical/self-isolation issues guidance or expectation associated with leaving the house in your area – children should maintain their usual routine of spending time with each of their parents.

If there is a Child Arrangements Order in place this should be complied with unless to do so would put your child, or others at risk.

This will help your child to feel a sense of consistency, whilst also reassuring them that the parent they don't always live with is safe and healthy”.

//www.cafcass.gov.uk/download/12285/

As legal advice & cafcass recommend contact should continue, that’s what we are doing.

[westendgirlx]

Thanks for the information. Our court order states that we should make our own arrangements. No set frequency and, despite taking me to court, it is usually me who precipates the arrangements. This is the first time in six months he's actively asked for contact!

[westendgirlx]

I am actively trying to be a responsible person in situation and protect everyone.... including my ex and his elderly parents

[westendgirlx]

I've just been listening to the chief executive of the World Health Organisation. He is warning about avoiding social contact because the situation will be getting worst in the UK over the next week. The Mayor of London says stay at home unless you are going to work or buying food. These are unusual times and the legal profession has probably not caught up yet

[westendgirlx]

#worse in the UK not worst

[Bobbybobbins]

I think the key point here is that your ex and his wife are vulnerable so they should be social distancing/isolation. Therefore having your daughter visit, who doesn't normally live there, is a risk.

[ElaineMarieBenes]

What does your daughter want to do?

[StrawberryJam200]

Oh that’s really interesting that Cafcass have issued advice. However as PP said, the situation’s so fast moving that they need to issue daily updates virtually. As you and others have said OP, if yr ex and his household are all vulnerable (as defined by PHE) then the answer is quite clear anyway, even before you take Sadiq Khan’s warning today into account.

[westendgirlx]

My daughter has said that she wants to stay away for now and I've reminded her she can WhatsApp video message.

[westendgirlx]

Her stepmum has respiratory problems and is on steroids at the moment....fact which she hadn't shared with me until this morning.

[westendgirlx]

Which makes her father's request even more surprising

[PinkCrayon]

Unfortunately some don't show any symptoms when they are carrying it.
We have been advised to stay at home as much as we can and it's what we should do, you have made the responsible and right choice @westendgirlx

[june2007]

If she is 15 I would get her to skype and say Hi dad I am staying away because I would hate for step mum to get ill. Kind of thing so 1, it comes from her and 2, it,s showing aCTUAL CONCEARN RATHER THEN MAKING IT SOUND LIKE YOUR NOT LETTING HER. (Sorry aabout the caps lock.)

[westendgirlx]

Thank you for your comments. I just wanted some reassurance that I was doing the right thing from people who might understand