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Zalen Wed 11-Mar-20 14:58:47

Hi Mumsnet,

My husband and I have decided in the last week to split. I'm doing all the reading I can online and will make an appointment with a solicitor, but he's doing no research and is just happy to go with the flow. I think he is hoping it will all blow over but I've been unhappy for so long and have told him time and time again and nothing changes. We've been together since 1985, married in 1990, 2 sons, one at home, the other married and living 200 miles away.

My husband had issues with stress and depression 8 years ago which included a big personality change when he started to recover from the other issues. We got through it that time and his personality did go back to the person I knew but the whole experience killed off all good feelings for him. We've managed through the last 8 years but last year it all started up again. He has had a massive personality change, he says it's a reset to who he was when he was younger and is perfectly happy about it. I've tried to get him to seek medical help, this doesn't seem like a normal thing to me, but he's been diagnosed with anxiety and seems perfectly happy to avoid stressers and keep running away from the problem instead of making any effort to recover.

As it stands now, he almost never sleeps at home, preferring to spend time with friends. He occasionally cooks dinner in the evenings but generally goes out either as soon as he's served it up to our son and to me, sometimes he needs to go out sooner and leaves it for me to finish off.

He's been out of work for the last 10 months. He had been working as a contractor and I think these current issues started when he found out his contract was ending.

He wants to go the separation route but is also plowing full steam ahead to get the house sold. I don't want to make any big decisions until I know how it all works. If we sell the house and split the proceeds now but aren't actually divorced, what's to stop him burning through his share and coming back demanding another split.

Has anyone got any experience of going the separation route. I really need to understand how I make this separation official. If he still eats the food I buy does that invalidate a separation. His only income is benefits and he can't get by on those now with me covering all bills, food etc. I don't know how he'd manage if I cut him off. I want to keep it amicable, but I also want him out of my life. I'm really hoping the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation bill will pass and we can go that route but I can't bank on it.

I'd be grateful for any advice, things I need to ask a solicitor, things to consider between the two of us, things to consider to protect myself, things I don't even know I need to ask, anything at all.

Sorry, that got really long.

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