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19years together my husband left

(12 Posts)
Peace77 Tue 25-Feb-20 06:54:15

My husband as been constantly accusing me of having affairs he always checks my phone always goes threw my friends messages ! He was intoxicated a week before Xmas & he got my phone again I thought right I’m gonna get your phone whilst u are so pissed u forget u left it downstairs !!! I saw a message from another women sending my husband 💓 all other messeges was deleted but was a voice message saying her whereabouts I kept playing the voice messege as I walked upstairs to him in which he beat me up so bad Iv kicked him out had the worst Xmas ever I had to get friend to get shopping as I could not face goin out as I looked awful. Iv been in a dark place felt so unloved betrayed u name it I have felt it !!! All I want is why after all the accusations & it was him all along!! He blocked me for about 3 weeks because I was too abusive & sending him vile texts which made me feel like he just don’t care about my feelings at all. We have 3 kids we have a mortgage I feel he as thrower it all away I want answers still to this day he ain’t talking why we have ended up this way I want answers because we have kids & he is gonna be in my life until the kids grow up . He as apologised for the beating as for the women sending him messages he would not let me call her to see what he was saying was the truth he said he was gonna do a job for her as he a plumber ?? I’m feeling positive & a lot stronger that I can do everything in my own but I want to know everything I feel like all my feelings he don’t care about yet he making me wait for answers saying I’m not calm enough for him to talk Iv been calm now constantly for 3 weeks

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yesterdaystotalsteps123 Tue 25-Feb-20 10:08:07

He was projecting. Why didn't you report the beating to the police? He has assaulted you. If he was having unprotected sex with you he has put you at risk of STIs, so you need to get a check. This man is dangerous and abusive. You must protect yourself and your children from him. Speak to women's aid today and get some professional help.

FlowerArranger Tue 25-Feb-20 10:17:19

No point asking WHY. He clearly is an abusive cheating mysoginist. You need to focus on extricating yourself from this mess and getting healthy.

Check out Chumplady and Wikivorce. Read up on the divorce process. Gather up all your financial documentation - bank statements, salary slips/P60s, pensions, investments, mortgage, property. Then see a competent family solicitor.

Take control. Accept this is over - which is actually for the best. Focus on the practicalities. Youll be so much better once you stop trying to make sense of this messed up relationship.

puds11 Tue 25-Feb-20 10:20:25

He is abusive. You deserve better. Get rid of him and never look back. If you feel strong enough please report the attack he made on you.

puds11 Tue 25-Feb-20 10:21:13

@yesterdaystotalsteps123 reporting can be easier said than done.

Peace77 Tue 25-Feb-20 12:52:14

Thankyou so much for your reply’s !!! My husband was so caring I love or loved him so much I worshipped the ground he walked on I know I can cope just Carnt believe how he has been treating me for the past year !! & I know if I behaved that way I would go above and beyond to make the person how sorry I was

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Peace77 Tue 25-Feb-20 12:54:39

My mom made me go hospital I made out I got assaulted was scared he would go prison & that social services would be involved

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puds11 Tue 25-Feb-20 18:09:22

I can understand your reluctance to report him. Are you and your children safe though? Can you get in touch with Women’s Aid to get some advice?

He has shown he’s an abuser, he will not change. The man you loved is gone I’m afraid.

DartmoorChef Tue 25-Feb-20 18:11:51

In time you will realise that you are much much better off without him. He is an abusive piece of scum. Remember this.

GiveHerHellFromUs Tue 25-Feb-20 18:13:32

You don't need explanations - they'd all be lies, excuses and minimisations anyway.

Keep yourself and your children safe and healthy. You can do it.

Peace77 Tue 25-Feb-20 18:28:35

Thankyou all for your responses this is the 1st time Iv written on the internet like this😊

He was my world my everything I feel like I’m getting better I know deep down I ain’t done anything wrong !! How could you beat the mom of yours kids eye that I could see out of both sides of jaw swollen bruised other eye just a a bit of a black eye lumps at back of head knocked tooth out 2nd from front 2 slits above my eye & that was 5 days b4 Xmas wtf just cus I found ❤️On his phone off another women & voice message how could you do that to someone u supposed to love 🤔I realising that he may be a narcissistic man as it seems all the accusations towards me he was actually doin but blaming me I’m so glad I have my mom she been amazing I need to sort finances out get rid of our home split or maybe I mite try for 60/50

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Peace77 Tue 25-Feb-20 18:32:33

Maybe reporting him would not have solved anything upset my kids even more I’m glad I didn’t report him told the hospital I got beat up on way home from a nite out with the girls but that in itself I think u should show me more respect & explain what the hell happened & be a man cus I could not have him back anyway without goin above & beyond to show remorse which he isn’t

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