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Frequency of contact

(8 Posts)
MG08 Mon 03-Feb-20 22:07:01

My ex husband currently sees our daughter (under age 2) 3 nights a week, he comes to our home just to play with her then leaves when our dinner is ready, we still jointly own the home but he has moved out. He then has her on a Saturday for 6 hours. He has said he wants to come round every evening Mon-Thurs in the week (we have an evening activity on a Friday otherwise I'm sure he'd ask for that too) and then he wants her on both a Saturday and Sunday every week.

I work 3 days during the week and these are the days he comes round, so I never get to come home from work without him coming round. He thinks he should have her on Saturdays and Sundays because I have 2 days off in the week, but obviously this would mean never being able to do anything with my side of the family at the weekend, or being able to do any weekend activities etc.

Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable by saying no, and that seeing her 3 nights a week and a day every weekend is actually quite good? There has been emotional abuse and controlling behaviours so I'm finding it hard to deal with his constant demands.

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Mon 03-Feb-20 22:14:50

Why can’t he take her to his and have her over night ?

Quartz2208 Mon 03-Feb-20 22:17:54

He is being ridiculous get some legal advice now and start the process of getting an agreement in place

3 nights a week is to omuch as well

millymollymoomoo Mon 03-Feb-20 22:51:16

Why is 3 nights too much? He’s her dad

Quartz2208 Mon 03-Feb-20 23:01:38

Round the house he has left with the OP yes that is too much. An overnight schedule where he parents yes but this is about control not contact

MG08 Mon 03-Feb-20 23:13:01

She doesn't stay with him overnight and won't be for a while, he's never mentioned wanting overnight anyway but it wouldn't be something that would happen anytime soon.

He doesn't actually do any parenting, he comes round for less than an hour to play whilst I'm either sitting there too or making dinner, wasn't even a week after he moved out that he stopped bothering to be involved in actual bedtime, which is now why he leaves before she has dinner and its just very awkward and so difficult to cope with 3 nights a week.

OP’s posts: |
CalleighDoodle Mon 03-Feb-20 23:16:44

Tell him to fuck off. He stops coming round to play disney dad. Ridiculous.

Give him sunday to monday. Why can’t she stay over night at his?

ScoobyCan Mon 03-Feb-20 23:35:54

It would be best to put a parenting plan together if there has been abuse / control as it seems he's still able to control you through seeing your DC.

Every other weekend is suggested for shared parenting so you both benefit from quality time with your child / children. Three nights a week even if just an hour, is excessive and allows the cycle of abuse to continue.

He can't just state that he wants every Saturday and every Sunday. Going forward that isn't fair: at school age it'll mean you get no "free time" with your child, he gets it all - you can suggest that you put a plan in place now so she gets used to the arrangement in good time for school.

Why can't he have her overnight? Say 10am Sat - 10am Sun EOW; and one overnight per week? Which days do you work?

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