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What would you do to be able to separate?

(5 Posts)
Earlgrey19 Mon 03-Feb-20 08:30:19

I’m financially dependent and need a plan to get out. Gave up career to look after kids 5, & 2. Retraining but new career tends to have part time work only, paid roughly 25-30k pro rata. Will take me about another 6 months to finish training. DH earns a lot more. We own our house outright, it’s worth about 600k. Cost of living is high in our city, though maybe I could move just outside. I won’t be able to afford childcare for DC2. She’ll be entitled to free nursery hours in September, though. Don’t feel confident about being able to support myself and children in a house big enough for them. I have almost no pension. DH has good pension so overall he’d be in much the better position. I think he’d probs want close to 50:50 share of time with the children, if that’s in their best interest. What would you do?

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purpleboy Mon 03-Feb-20 08:39:29

Why are you leaving him? If it's abuse then I think you need to leave soo er rather than later. If you e just grown apart of something similar, it would make sense to stay put until you are qualified and have a job in place.

Earlgrey19 Mon 03-Feb-20 08:54:04

Not abuse, no. Just getting on really badly, arguing a lot, and marriage has been under significant strain for the last couple of years and it’s feeling pretty miserable for us both. Trying couples counselling but not feeling v hopeful.

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PicaK Mon 03-Feb-20 09:09:59

Look at what you could afford to buy outright near school. Ideally you'd both start out on an equal footing. So similar sized houses but you'd need more of the equity 70/30 because you won't get a mortgage til you've been earning 6 months and people might not want to rent to you. So you'll need to buy outright.
Work out the running costs on a house that size. Do you have 2 cars? The estate will need to buy a 2nd if not.
Obviously you need to go to a solicitor but I'm not paying someone £200 an hour to tell me to make a list of my assets etc.
Spousal might be realistic til you finish training. 50/50 share of the kids means no maintenance. Is this realistic with his career?

Earlgrey19 Mon 03-Feb-20 09:32:48

Thanks, that’s really helpful.

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