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Divorce taking so long, Stbx stalling

(18 Posts)
Chumpnomore Sun 02-Feb-20 22:06:47

My Stbx left me for another woman two years ago.
I filed an adultery petition which he refused to sign so I had to resubmit papers with unreasonable behaviour(which he didn't need to agree to)
He refused mediation (said he couldn't afford it) so I had to get a solicitor to support the financial application. Again, SBTX delayed form E and was late submitting and it was incomplete. We have had two FDR hearings put back because he will not give information due to finances until last minute and often incomplete.
He refused a pension valuation for his teachers pension so I've had to get an actuary to look into his pension. This apparently takes 26 weeks from when they receive the information and they still haven't had his permission for valuation!
I'm desperate for this to be over. Years of emotional abuse means I have no contact with him but obviously my legal bill is ongoing and the financial outcome won't be big as we don't have that much equity.
Really want some advice on pension expert /actuary. Does anyone know if it really does take 26 weeks to get the report back? Any thoughts really welcome

OP’s posts: |
Blushingm Mon 03-Feb-20 12:09:45

My stbexh is doing a similar thing - even down to ignoring his own solicitor when mine had to chase him.

slipperywhensparticus Mon 03-Feb-20 12:12:24

Mine delayed for five years

I've got to sort the financial out now I'm hoping we can just say we keep what we have and never claim off the other just clean break it and be done

Chloejack1 Thu 06-Feb-20 04:18:32

My pension report took just over 3 months hang on in there sounds like your having the same nightmare as me just keep going we will get there in the end !

sosickofthisshit Thu 06-Feb-20 17:56:54

I'm in a similar position, my exh is being a dick, using every stalling tactic in the book. I'm at the end of my rope with it all, and am about to take the fucker to court to put an end to it

Chumpnomore Thu 06-Feb-20 18:48:51

Chloejack1 - thanks for this. I guess I just need to accept it takes ages.
I don't really understand it as I'm still in family home so until he gives information required we can't go to FDR to sort settlement. He's having a huge tantrum by not providing correct figures and ignoring my solicitor.
Have you made progress now?
Sosickofthisshit - I feel your pain. previously, my solicitor had to serve a form D11 to make him even agree to a pension expert to look into sharing (his) pension. At eleventh hour he agreed.
Today solicitor having to ask court again to get involved as he won't even make contact.
She's now asked for costs as its all so unnecessary.
It's so sad that these men are acting like toddlers.
Hope things improve for you

OP’s posts: |
Chloejack1 Thu 06-Feb-20 19:49:09

I'm still in the family home at the fdr hearing after 6 hours negotiating which he didn't budge on I threw the towel in that was 2nd oct 3 days later he accepted my original offer but I withdrew as I'd had time to think about it and felt I was bullied into something I really didn't think was fair ! As for the pension report in my opinion waste of money as he had already retired I managed to call his pension company and find out how much was in his pot ! The judges opinion was 50 50 split he was offering me 20 percent. You cannot negotiate with an idiot and I made this clear from day 1 so its onto final hearing 11th march unless he manages a stall on that 1

Madickenxx Thu 06-Feb-20 20:16:32

I'm in exactly the same position (including the amended petition) and he is in the family home refusing to pay the mortgage. It drives me mad! I've spent £10K on legal bills so far and am nowhere further on than I was after submitting my original pension. I do t understand it as I hold all the assets so he will be better off but still he resists. It's the last bit of control he can exert over me I suppose. All we can do is keep going. It will be over eventually!

Chumpnomore Thu 06-Feb-20 20:37:54

Gosh! Saddened by the amount of us in a similar position. I think you are right, It seems they need control in any form and in doing so cut their nose off to spite their face.
I wouldn't have bothered with pension report except some is in draw down and used to buy a new business. My earning capacity isn't as high as his (same as many for us perhaps if we have brought up children for many years...) so I do need to make sure I get a share of his teachers pension.
Chloejack1 how are you feeling about your court date?
Madickenxx, do you think you will be able to claim unnecessary costs from him if he keeps stalling?
My stbx has been given a deadline of Monday, to comply with providing information or next D11 goes to court to judge. Will include costs with this. Whether I get this is a different story!

OP’s posts: |
Chloejack1 Thu 06-Feb-20 21:16:49

My ex is in draw down to he pays himself 520 a week and cant afford to contribute to our mortgage these last 2 years ! My head is all over the place re: court ! With the possibility of yet another stall looming ! It's so disheartening to hear of so many similar stories 🙄

Weenurse Sat 08-Feb-20 01:28:26

Good luck all of you

sadwithkiddies Sun 09-Feb-20 14:56:55

Watching as just starting the finance fight.
I hold all the cards but after a year of him refusing to fill in a form E he filed to the courts ..
His form E was useless and I wait to see what court brings
Yuk yuk yuk

Chloejack1 Sun 09-Feb-20 18:54:41

Sad with kiddies stbx form e was a farce ! I wait with baited breathe to see what the next stall is and what a final hearing will bring good luck to everyone still fighting the battle x

BellaPuppy Tue 11-Feb-20 22:51:20

@sadwithkiddies I'm just starting this now re the finances, he's not doing his form E, he's now refusing mediation and I think it will end up for the court to decide. confused

sadwithkiddies Tue 11-Feb-20 22:55:53

I think he thought he could avoid the form E by applying to the court.
now I have a court date and a half-filled in form E, which means we have said NO to proceeding.....he'll be thrilled as his form G says we are ready to go.....

BellaPuppy Tue 11-Feb-20 23:18:15

@sadwithkiddies It's all super stressful, I've got grey hairs coming through daily. Still having to live in the same house but separate rooms. I never want to go through this again 🙈 good luck with it x

sadwithkiddies Sat 22-Feb-20 22:35:50

so court was fun...not,
4 weeks to interrogate each other financially, them 4weeks till we do it all again.
the only person gaining financially is my solicitor...grrrrr

Chumpnomore Sun 23-Feb-20 00:00:13

Oh no! How long were you in court? Any advice...
It's so draining isn't it. Its a fine line knowing that you want it over as quickly as possible but realising how important getting the right settlement is.

OP’s posts: |

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