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Don't feel confident enough to separate

(5 Posts)
Daisydaisy3 Thu 30-Jan-20 22:38:18

I have been condsidering divorcing my H for a couple of years now. He cheated with prostitutes 3 years ago but due to PND at the time and me wanting a stable family unit for our child I decided I would give him a second chance to prove himself. There have been no further indiscretions and he has treated me exceptionally well.
The problem now is with me in that I can't seem to let it go and I still don't trust him, even though he has gone out of his way to prove he isn't that man anymore.
I almost feel like I'm the one now who is providing an insecure family unit for my child by my inability to move past this and creating a hostile environment.
Another issue is that our child has some SEN. I find him sometimes tricky to deal with as time with him can be intense. Although I love him so much, and the thought of only seeing him half the week tears me apart, I worry that without my H here, our child would be miserable as his Dad is exceptionally good with him and brings him so much joy and brings a real positive energy into the house, where I am more prone to anxiety and depression.
I worry that my child would be hugely affected if we did separate, and he already has so many mountains to climb on a daily basis and potentially struggle to ever come to terms with it and also miserable on his days with me.
I dont know what I'm asking really but I feel sort of stuck.

OP’s posts: |
yesterdaystotalsteps123 Sun 02-Feb-20 22:33:17

Ask to move this to the relationships section, it's a lot busier and you will get a lot of good advice. The problem is not you. The problem is him. It is highly likely he is still using prostitutes he has just getting better at hiding it. Please don't refer to it as an indiscretion. That is minimising it. He risked your health and he broke your trust. He does not treat you exceptionally well. You sound like you are ready to leave. You absolutely can do this. You will destroy yourself if you stay with this man. He is not a husband, he is an abuser. Please educate yourself on abuse and get you and your son away from him

mildlymiffed Sun 02-Feb-20 22:43:23

@daisydaisy3 what he did was truly vile. I don't think I'd be able to get over that either- it isn't minor. Think it would be a game changer for me.

If you do want to stay have you had marriage counselling? It may help you to work through your emotions in a safe space.

But as pp said- don't minimise what he has done. It is a massive issue- and can't just be swept under the carpet and just moved on from...

Daisydaisy3 Mon 03-Feb-20 17:06:21

Thanks for your responses. I suppose the sticking point for me is that this was 3 years ago and I feel like all his actions have shown he has changed and isn't that person anymore so why can't I move forward

OP’s posts: |
dottydolly72 Mon 03-Feb-20 18:17:52

A lot of what you have written here I can relate to. I'm 2 yrs on and still can't let go of why my H did. I'm broken inside, I have two kids with SEN and it would rock their world just like you've said yourself but I'm veering towards taking that huge step day by day. It never goes away, the lies and deceit are just too much and if I'm honest, I feel, no one could love you and do that to you. I guess what I'm trying to say to you (and myself) is.. you've tried to forgive, it hasn't worked and now you need to put plan b into action. I'm trying to focus on how I can save enough money and become less financially tied, is that something you could do? Do you have support in real life you could talk to and get support? Doesn't matter if he's been wonderful ever since, the damage is done sadly.

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