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Solicitor advice

(24 Posts)
user1486131602 Mon 27-Jan-20 01:57:27

Going thru divorce, isi granted, abusive ex.
I want to leave the martial home and rent elsewhere, before financials are sorted. Been waiting for 7 months and he’s done nothing. My situation is dire!!
My solicitor has advised that leaving won’t affect my rights to,the home, but, she MUST inform him that I’ve left and where I’ve gone! Is this right? I have done everything by the book as per her advice and he has done nothing but lie, cheat and deceive, but seems to be getting away with it.
I just want a clean break and a fresh start. Without him knowing any of the details my new life?
Can anyone help?

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Mon 27-Jan-20 06:20:53

Your solicitor has no duty to tell him anything of the sort and if she did so against your instructions she'd be in deep trouble.

Have you got kids?

user1486131602 Mon 27-Jan-20 11:29:32


Yes i do. My 18 yr old son 8n full time education, lives at home.
My ExH has manipulated my 16 yr old daughter and she is living with her boyfriends mother, funded and enabled by him. I had no part or information about that. He has taken her details and passed them on so the other person could claim TC and CB for her without my knowledge, meaning I’ve had to deal with HMRC fraud.

yesterday he informed me that he was not paying anything for his son(which was a total of £70 a month for food) as he has to pay more for the daughter to live elsewhere!

Ps I am on benefits for health reasons

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MrsBertBibby Mon 27-Jan-20 12:00:23

Will your 18 year old stay with him or go with you?

Either way yo don't have to disclose his whereabouts. He is 18!

It is very hard to keep addresses confidential during financial remedies procedure though.

Sorry it sounds like a shitty horrid divorce.

user1486131602 Mon 27-Jan-20 12:22:19

He’s staying with me.
My solicitor says he doesn’t have to pay anything for him as he’s an adult!
Well that’s fine, but how do I manage? No money from state for son, no money from son as he’s on grants for uni, now no money from his father either?
Father pays someone else to look after daughter and all expenses, but nothing at all for son. How can that be?

Look I’m not completely naive, but, I don’t believe it’s her place to HAVE to tell ex my new details!
So far she has advised me, don’t claim for CMA ( when they were both here) as we don’t want to give him a reason to not sign nisi!
He didn’t sign that for 6 months or get a solicitor coz it was going to cost him money, this he put in writing!
When he did sign he would only do so if I paid for that!
She advised me to do so!
Since then, been waiting 7 months for him to get financials in, she keeps telling me if I don’t get things done she will shut my file, but he does nothing and I’m just waiting......lost over £600 pm since last sept, last week I had £6 to eat off!
She advised me to msg him to ‘hurry him up’ - last official letter july2019
Now all hell has broken loose!
I have no family support, my friends, few as they are, don’t want to go to the solicitor with me.
After his abuse and chaos, threats etc it led to me having a mental breakdown so I’m not in the best place.

Just need some straight forward solid advice. I want out.
I have waited months for him to start mediation, nothing. Can I choose to not do it?

OP’s posts: |
abstractprojection Tue 28-Jan-20 16:11:03

If there is no child of his living with you under the age of 18 then I don't see why your new address needs to be given to him. Maybe email the solicitor for clarification on this, and also contact CAB.

Unfortunately your son is expected to support himself

Have you enlisted a mediator?

If so, and your ex has not participated, they should have produced a document saying such which gets submitted to the courts with your divorce application. If you have not I would go ahead with this once you're in your new home.

Has the nisi been signed? If so great you're one step closer, but don't forget to have the cost inc. in any settlement reached in mediation.

MrsBertBibby Tue 28-Jan-20 17:31:05

How are you funding this solicitor? Is it legal aid?

Is you son in FE or at University?

user1486131602 Tue 28-Jan-20 22:24:35

Legal aid is funding mine, he earns a good salary and has to pay
Son is at university full time, his father pays neither him or me anything, so he’s having to manage on grants!
Nisi was granted in sept 2019, accepted on proven abuse grounds.
I have been waiting for ExH to prove his financials to the mediator!

Now I’m having to put house on market and do the necessary and he’s sitting at his mums DOING nothing!

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user1486131602 Tue 28-Jan-20 22:27:09

Another thing solicitor hasn’t asked about any costs I’ve incurred for kids or house since last Feb. No budgets, nothing!

I want to go to court
I want out, now!

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MrsBertBibby Tue 28-Jan-20 23:09:28

Do you actually have a funding certificate, or is this just legal help?

Unless you are in Scotland, if you have evidence that gets you legal aid, you don't have to do a MIAM.

And you can pull the plug on mediation whenever you like. It isn't compulsory.

user1486131602 Tue 28-Jan-20 23:43:20

I’m sorry I don’t know!
I’m in wales and was awarded legal aid for the first part of divorce, that’s all she has told me!

Thank you I will be seeing solicitor Friday, will be instructing her to go to court, even tho I know this means it costs more and I get less, I just need this to be over! And then putting house on market.
At the same time looking for a house to rent, and move quietly, further instruction being not to disclose new address etc!

One last question?
Solicitor is adamant that she can’t do a guess of % I’m entitled to? I was a sahm for our kids, looked after everything and him and his mental health that he denies!
House has about £35k equity. I am on pip etc for my medical conditions
I ‘now it’s very hard,but, all friends that have divorced have been offered guesses like 60/40 or 70/30? Could you offer a guesstimate?

Thank you for your help, you have offered straightforward info!

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Wed 29-Jan-20 07:02:47

Before the solicitor can apply for a funding certificate to start financial proceedings, you need to get the mediator to sign off and provide the necessary form. The solicitor is going to need 3 months statements on all bank accounts plus other financial documentation.

I'm afraid I can't advise on outcome without knowing a lot more. £35K is really not a lot, though. Your share will have your costs deducted under the statutory charge.

I am mostly concerned that she is threatening to disclose a new address without your permission. You need to straighten that out with her, she can't actually think she can do that, it would be a massive GDPR breach, as well as breach of your client confidentiality.

user1486131602 Wed 29-Jan-20 12:14:55

My solicitor is a partner of a practice specialising in family law. Therefore, SHE is the mediator! She has had the documents from me for a while now but nothing from exH.

I should instruct her not to disclose details.
Apply for further funding and sign off mediation
Lastly, get her to apply to court?

Anything else a list of all my costs for kids, house, food, clothes, haircuts etc? Things he has removed from the property
I am putting the house on the market without his involvement, I am aware that he will need to agree to price etc, but I am trying to force his hand as he has done anything about that either, except stop paying!!

OP’s posts: |
MrsBertBibby Wed 29-Jan-20 13:21:30

WTF she can't be both your solicitor and the mediator

MrsBertBibby Wed 29-Jan-20 13:22:44

Did she do the divorce for you?

user1486131602 Wed 29-Jan-20 16:54:26

Yes she did the paperwork and filed The nisi
She told me she was the mediator
As I point blank refused to engage with ex, She said that she and his solicitor would mediate and come to what they thought was a fair settlement, then me and ex would have to agree details therein and pick and choose what we would like changed!

I really don’t know what’s going on, and I’m getting more worried by the minute!!

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user1486131602 Wed 29-Jan-20 16:58:43

Just a thought,
I’m sure your time is precious and I’m really grateful for the time and advice you’ve give. Instead of us going back and forth could you give me an idea of how this procedure should work, maybe that will cut down on. My questions and use of your time?

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mummmy2017 Wed 29-Jan-20 17:05:23

His pension will be worth as much as the house, go after it.
Also ask for spousal maintenance.

user1486131602 Wed 29-Jan-20 17:17:18

Thank you for the advice!
I’m not sure his pension will help, he only started one when he had, about 3-5yrs ago! It is VERY hard to have spousal maintenance awarded these days, and that would tie me to him, exactly what I don’t want!
At this stage, there have been many more deceitful tactics used by him, lies, fraud( yes I can prove it) hidden money......and the list goes on! So, I want a clean break and a lump sum, or my number 1 aim will be to make sure he has nothing but debts!! Enough is enough

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mummmy2017 Wed 29-Jan-20 17:24:24

Also if you can prove he delayed the divorce , he could have to pay the fees for everything.

mummmy2017 Wed 29-Jan-20 17:29:11

Get your son to go see the Uni staff, they do have funds to help, also tell your son to get a bar job or something.
Do not move out of the house.
If you do you will need to find rent, it takes about 20 plus weeks to sell a house, your ex could move in and stop the sale.
Start selling stuff you no longer need that belongs to you.
Get your ex to agree what is his.
Packing takes ages.
Also ask the council for help.

user1486131602 Wed 29-Jan-20 17:47:06


Wow! Really! We have no contact in writing since 7/19 !
Plenty of threats and lies!
He has taken what he wanted from the house, didn’t ask, just came round and took it! Now is saying it’s untrue!
The houses where I live are selling really fast, 3 sold during xmas and nye, the longest one took 3 days!
I’m not telling him I’m moving out, which is what started this thread!
I have had to take care of everything during our marriage. I will not be packing anything of his, or my daughters, they will be left in the house for them to deal with or not! Im Only intending To leave here just before the sale goes March 1 for sale and new rental by feb 20th?!
The council and w9mens aid have been trying to help, but each time I see someone they give me different advice etc, so I’m going round in circles and getting nowhere!

I can assure you he won’t contest sale of house.....he is convinced that he will get all of it and will have to pay me nothing! Which is why he has stopped paying, trying to force me out!

I have spoken to sons uni and we have to go on a Monday, I have forgotten about that with everything else!

My father is willing to pay deposit and rent until, the court decides or council pays benefits....whichever is the soonest, but again, the DWP and the council are giving me conflicting advice regards amounts, what, where and when!

Thank you for your straightforward advice

OP’s posts: |
mummmy2017 Thu 30-Jan-20 15:03:34

If your husband has disowned his son, you can claim this, if your son is living in the uni, they can change him to a full grant, your own income needs to be less than 25k.
World out at £200 a week for 42 weeks.

user1486131602 Thu 30-Jan-20 23:12:34

No xH is still meeting hi: and paying his pocket money
My son lives at home and has grants because of my income being benefits.

I will put your comments forward about not providing and abandonment


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