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Advice house during separation

(17 Posts)
Direduldrums Sat 25-Jan-20 21:08:32

I’m after some advice, DH and I split up in October but have been still living together, he is moving out at the end of this month into a private rental. We own our home jointly, not an awful lot of equity in it as we didn’t buy it very long ago.
I would like to stay in the house at least in the short term, soon to be ex-DH is very angry at me, not entirely sure why as split is mutual and no one else involved on either side. We have young children.
How long would I be able to stay in the house for until I was forced to sell it? He will not want to stay on the mortgage and I can’t afford to take on the mortgage in my sole name as I only work part time and don’t earn enough. We bought the house to do work to, and it’s still very dated and needs some work, which I don’t want to spend an awful lot on if I’ll be forced to move in a few months. I can afford the mortgage on my own but just can’t afford to buy him out at the moment.

OP’s posts: |
Clangus00 Sat 25-Jan-20 21:16:16

You may be able to get a mesher order (not in Scotland though I believe) which will allow you to remain in the home until the youngest is 18 before selling & splitting the monies.
You would (of course) need to pay all the household bills, mortgage etc by yourself. You would need legal advice on this though.
It isn’t nice for your ex though, you would need to think about that.
Could you rent somewhere?

Clangus00 Sat 25-Jan-20 21:17:05

Oh and on the other hand, he could get a court order to force the sale of the house.

Direduldrums Sat 25-Jan-20 21:24:09

I’m not entirely against selling the house, just would prefer to have a few years for the children to settle and for me to sort finances and get my shit together really, before we have to move again. Can he force the sale of the house before we divorce? Or would it all be sorted as part of the divorce agreement?
Also he listed my car for sale today....against my knowledge, I only realised when I saw him outside taking pictures of it. He says since it’s jointly ours, although registered in my name and he has his own car, he wants to sell it and split the money. Can he do this? Again I’m not against selling my car and a splitting money, just not right away as I need to sort a replacement vehicle until I can get a new one. Or I won’t be able to get to work!

OP’s posts: |
millymollymoomoo Sat 25-Jan-20 22:09:43

You should start divorce proceedings and resolve the issue of the house as part of the settlement

Quartz2208 Sat 25-Jan-20 22:13:31

Both the cars are joint assets why does he get to keep his?

You need legal advice. If you can afford the mortgage on your own you could ask for a Mesher Order.

Direduldrums Sat 25-Jan-20 22:20:25

Because his car is worth less, is what he says.
How long does a divorce take in general? How much will a divorce cost me?
I don’t think we would get a Mesher order as he wouldn’t be able to buy on his own during that time, would a court not see that as unfair?

OP’s posts: |
itoohaveopinions Sat 25-Jan-20 22:42:20

Legally I don't know what he's allowed to do in terms of joint assets. But, to protect yourself you should maybe hide some things from him like the car paperwork. He does own half of your car (probably) and you own half of his. He's the one who is behaving badly though.
That being said you need to start reading on the .gov website and other readily available internet resources to better understand the divorce laws in the uk. Eg about the grounds you can give to court to divorce, how the financial agreement is a separate but related issue. Once you've got a a grasp of things then might be worth talking to a solicitor (or sooner if he keeps making decisions about joint assets).
Also, if he's still paying his half of the mortgage plus rent then he could be finding things hard financially and you might want to think about that - it's tough to be the one in a rental plus paying for a house where your ex lives...

Direduldrums Sat 25-Jan-20 22:50:15

He’s not paid anything this month, all he’s going to pay me is child maintenance for the children at less than what the calculation says because I feel guilty he’s the one having to leave the house. He’s cancelled all direct debits from his account and I will pay all bills, mortgage etc. He’s also left me with considerable credit card debt as he has refused to provide any money for the children’s things or Christmas so I took out an interest free credit card to pay for food shopping and all the children’s presents. He then went and bought himself an Apple Watch....after pleading he has no money.
I have worked out that I can afford to pay everything with the benefits I will be entitled to, plus my wages and what he will give me in CM. My main worry is being forced to sell the house sooner than I’m ready as I really need time to get my head together and for the children to settle into our new situation before I have to upsticks and move again.

OP’s posts: |
Otter71 Sun 26-Jan-20 07:22:58

Sounds like he wants it all his way. See a solicitor and get things moving. Less CM may be fair if he has a big rental deposit of this month but needs to be up to the CMS rate ongoing.
Seems to me that from what you say he has a perverse sense of what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.stbxh was similar. Had told both kids that the house was his because he earned much more despite my coming to the marriage with a house with equity whilst he just had a rented room. A solicitor put him right and yours will too...

DishingOutDone Sun 26-Jan-20 21:36:21

OP why haven't you seen a solicitor yet? Some do free half hour initial consultations, or charge a small fee for the first meeting to get things scoped out. You could get on the phone tomorrow and get that sorted out - you'll end up with noting at this rate!

Direduldrums Sun 26-Jan-20 21:49:39

This sounds pathetic but I suppose I’m nervous to see a solicitor, I’ve been waiting for him to leave before I do anything. I will ask around for recommendations of a good solicitor to use and make an appointment ASAP. I’m frightened I suppose that the solicitor will tell me I have to sell the house and then I will have all that to deal with as well as him actually leaving.

OP’s posts: |
BrusselPout Sun 26-Jan-20 22:31:33

You are going to have to deal with it anyway as he seems to be ploughing ahead regardless of what you want, so you may as well get legal advice and know what you are dealing with. Good luck

abstractprojection Tue 28-Jan-20 17:46:20

It's understandable that you've waited for him to leave first as things could get nasty once solicitors get involved. Try not to get lured into agreeing to anything while he's still there like lower CM or selling the car etc. all this should be sorted out once you've had legal advise and as part of mediation.

DrCoconut Tue 28-Jan-20 18:21:54

Have you taken advice and confirmed that you can't get a mortgage in your own right? Don't assume. I work part time and have been told by more than one mortgage advisor that I can buy my ex out. There are lenders who take top ups such as tax credits as income too.

ivykaty44 Tue 28-Jan-20 18:28:30

registered in my name

It’s you’re car and it would be fraudulent for him to sell it

Make sure you use one of these$ja=tsid:94971%7Ccid:1597776703%7Cagid:59288237886%7Ctid:pla-601931313560%7Ccrid:303053191864%7Cnw:g%7Crnd:45248357405250451%7Cdvc:m%7Cadp:%7Cmt:%7Cloc:9046161&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIo5jG9PWm5wIVVuDtCh1IjgPbEAQYAiABEgL33PD_BwE
And go and see a solicitor
It’s unlikely you’d have to move until youngest is 18 years old....

Sunnywithchanceofshowers Tue 28-Jan-20 18:31:51

Go to a solicitor urgently. You don’t even need to tell him you’ve been immediately, but you really need to be informed. He does not get to sell your car from under you. All assets need to be taken into account.
You may be able to get a free half hour, but from experience, it can be the best money you ever spend.

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