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How to get rid of BIL

(22 Posts)
Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:11:11

Sister has found out that her husband has been married to another woman about 6 months ago. Problem is sis is a SAHM home educating the 4 kids aged 2,4,5 and 10. If she puts them in school he will not like that and could take them.

They are in rented, both names on tenancy he is refusing to leave saying it is his house and says she would need to leave. He has been confronted with the accusation. He denied it.

The proof she has is on her phone which was taken off her by BIL last night. Tracker says it got taken to one of his friends houses and then does not work any more. The phone also included proof of verbal and emotional abuse.

Any suggestions?

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PotteringAlong Sat 25-Jan-20 17:12:40

Is he married to her too? Report him to the police for bigamy?

Scarsthelot Sat 25-Jan-20 17:13:04

Is she legally married to him? Is the other women legally married to him.

Are you in the uk?

Not sure what you want to achieve. So it's difficult to give advice

Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:13:59

Second marrage was not legally done religious ceremony only obvs. So cannot report to police for bigamy or anything

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Scarsthelot Sat 25-Jan-20 17:18:06

Not much she can do.

It's his house as well as hers.

One has to leave. Unless he is a very high earner, she will need to go back to work and the kids in school.

Sounds like there isnt much asset wise to split.

He cant just take the kids and Joe would he home educate them?

Scarsthelot Sat 25-Jan-20 17:18:52

How, not joe

Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:29:22

If he is on the tenancy is there any way of legally not letting him in, not in uk.

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Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:30:48

Sorry hat was upposed to be i am i uk

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Scarsthelot Sat 25-Jan-20 17:31:05

It depends on where you are.

In England you would need proof of abuse, a restraining order etc.

You cant just kick the other rightful tenant out. She would also need to be able to pay the Bill's herself.

Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:31:30

According to texts sister saw ow would take them

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Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:32:34

And would home ed them as she did both her own teens

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SunshineCake Sat 25-Jan-20 17:33:39

Really? Takes on someone else's husband and four kids ?!

Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:38:47

She can't get a job until she puts them in school but she can't put them in school as he will not allow it.

I told her to come stay with me and go onthe council list. But then ow can move here from famous uni town down south into his house and argue for custody that she does not have a place to live

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Musereader Sat 25-Jan-20 17:51:22

Rents are a bit more than LHA rates both in her and my council. We are in next door councils, she is in the city and us in neighbouring town.

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anon2000000000 Sat 25-Jan-20 22:00:02

Why can't she register them at the local school? She doesn't need his permission to send them to school.

monkeymonkey2010 Sat 25-Jan-20 22:39:39

Second marrage was not legally done religious ceremony only obvs
This is why women need to apply common sense when it comes to religious guff...his past marriage would have come to light if she'd insisted on a legal, registered wedding too.

Perhaps you could pay for a solicitor fopr her so she at least knows her legal rights and how to safely leave him.

Babamamananarama Sat 25-Jan-20 23:59:40

It sounds like your sister is on the receiving end of some quite extreme controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour.

It sounds as if he is making quite extreme threats (eg other wife will take custody of her kids) which would not stand up to any legal agreement. Is she frightened of him?

As a matter of urgency she needs to collect up copies or originals of all important documents and keep them somewhere safe, preferably not in the house where he can take them - give to a trusted friend. Get access to any joint money she can stash/control before he removes it. If he thinks she is about to leave he will try even harder to trap her - he's already taken her phone.

She needs urgent legal advice and she needs to be prepared to leave him. The second, bigamous marriage may not be legal but I would imagine reporting it to the police along with his abusive behaviour (threats, taking her phone) would be worth a go.

Musereader Sun 26-Jan-20 08:07:58

She is very frightened of him. After an eventful day and night with my brother confronting him BIL got arrested at 2am for abuse.

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slipperywhensparticus Sun 26-Jan-20 08:13:11

Well that's good she can get a restraining order now cant she

There is a court order she can get preventing removal of children from the school...prohibited steps order? Courts are not fans of home education especially in abusive relationships the more eyes on the children the better

Plus if he has been abusive and she can move away get the children settled etc it can be presented as the children are happy and settled no need to disturb them again

She also needs an order preventing their removal from the country if that's an issue too

TheReef Sun 26-Jan-20 08:31:34

It's unlikely he will be able to stop her putting the dc in school. He can go via the courts but unless he can prove school is detrimental to the dc and he can home school them himself AND there is a reason he is the resident parent, a judge is unlikely to agree with him

If she is on the tenancy she should ring her landlord, sort getting off it, if not I'd just move with her dc, sort benefits then put them in school

You don't need proof to leave. If he's abusive she should ring the police

TheReef Sun 26-Jan-20 08:35:11

I told her to come stay with me and go onthe council list. But then ow can move here from famous uni town down south into his house and argue for custody that she does not have a place to live

The OW most certainly can't. It would be like the OP arguing custody over my dc. She'd get laughed out if court. If it ever made it that far.

Your sister really has had a number done on her. However if her dh has been arrested now is the time to get any molestation or restraining orders sorted

blackcat86 Sun 26-Jan-20 09:08:37

Has your sister called womens aid? She is in need of urgent specialised support because I think she find a)the abuse is worse than she thought because she has taken so much of his crap b) his threats are empty and baseless c) she has rights both financially and regarding the children that he does not have the power to remove simply before he has found an OW

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