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In need of advice

(29 Posts)
BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 19:28:17

I intend to see a lawyer but first I thought I'd tap the very deep knowledge base on MN. I'm thinking of divorce but our money situation has me feeling very blue. I think I've been very stupid....

Married 12 years. Two kids from marriage. I came with nothing to my name. OH was house owner. We did the 'good life' so both of us gave up our careers and lived off very little. Now kids are 9 and 10. I have little income and no pension. OH has no pension and no income. We currently live in borrowed house so no mortgage. We have no shared bank accounts. OH is due a lump of inheritance. I gather from him he has about 500k in wealth but when we've discussed divorce (not in depth yet) he is only reckoning on paying CM.

What could I hope for in the event of a divorce? Would I be entitled to anything other than CM?

OP’s posts: |
Ss770640 Wed 15-Jan-20 19:56:00

These posts amaze me

Inheritance and gifts are expressly excluded from the marital pot.

Why do you feel as though your entitled to a share of a gift to him?

Answer: your not, regardless of marriage or length.

BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 20:07:48

Thanks for the info Ss770640.

To answer your question: I 'feel' entitled to something as we'd planned our retirement and lifestyle choices based on his wealth seeing us into old age. Obviously, I am the one that loses out in a divorce. But choosing to be married to him, following an alternative path that suited us both and the family...I would have (vainly perhaps) hoped for something, not half but something. Put it another way, if we'd had the same marriage, same kids, same starting circumstances but OH had worked throughout, I'd have been entitled to plenty more (I'm assuming).

OP’s posts: |
waterSpider Wed 15-Jan-20 20:14:51

The above -- like most black/white statements about divorce in England -- is at best misleading. Whether inheritance or pre-existing wealth is included in the divorce settlement depends on lots of different circumstances. It isn't definitely in, it isn't automatically out.

If he has no income, then CM would also be zero, which is worth noting! (have to do special stuff with large wealth)

Some clarifications here:
www.bbc-law.co.uk/legal-news/inheritance-and-divorce/

BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 20:21:16

Double fuck sad. OH is mean with money, and manipulative - verging on financial abuse - one of the reasons I want to leave. I can't see a divorce ending well for me. Feel like such a fucking idiot.

OP’s posts: |
LanternLighter Wed 15-Jan-20 20:29:50

I was told inheritance is not included in the marital finances unless there is a need for it. Your circumstances sound like there is a need for it.
Good luck with everything

BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 20:31:34

Thank you waterSpider for the link and information. Perhaps I'll be entitled to something after all. I have very little money in my own name, no means of renting (area is affluent so if we wanted to stay close to OH and keep schools etc then I would certainly need financial help). I'm looking to a return to teaching FT (which drove me into depression and anxiety the last time around) and an upheaval for everyone. Or continue as is with at least my future secured. Feeling glum.

OP’s posts: |
BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 20:34:18

Thank you LanternLighter. I wish I'd had my wits about me in my 20s. What a fool I was. I just never imagined I would be here. Genuinely did not.

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Ss770640 Wed 15-Jan-20 20:45:51

With marriage, only the marital profit/loss during marriage is considered.

In England the courts will consider pre marital cash more than Scotland will. But at the end of the day, 50/50 is a myth (google it).

If you stayed at home the entire duration, you'd have a claim. But reading your post, your hoping for a claim to something you did not jointly earn. And therefore lies outside the economic fruits of the marriage (Scottish legal term).

12 years marriage is considered long(ish), but to be blunt. You didn't earn or contribute to his upcoming inheritance so therefore don't warrant a claim to it.

I'm not being a dick, just laying out the fairness.

Talk to a lawyer

BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 20:53:07

I take your point Ss77, hard though it is to hear. I'd want to quibble about fairness when choices made jointly in marriage, based on that marriage continuing till death, meant I gave up work. Through the whole marriage we'd considered his wealth 'our money'. I accept however that others may think differently to me, or that the law may not agree either.

OP’s posts: |
peachgreen Wed 15-Jan-20 20:56:15

I can't offer any legal advice I'm afraid but I just wanted to say that I absolutely agree with your POV and he must be an utter cunt to be considering leaving you with nothing after having promised that inheritence would look after you both in old age. Horrible.

Ss770640 Wed 15-Jan-20 21:09:43

In regards to peach green

If somebody leaves inheritance to a person. That money was not earned during marriage.

It is clearly for that person alone. And one of the reasons Scots law specifically excludes inheritance or gifts. Because it wasn't earned during marriage and therefore not subject to equal division.

This is an entirely fair approach.

It is grossly unfair for a person to claim a portion of that. When they did not earn it.

Helloitsmemargaret Wed 15-Jan-20 21:14:38

Please please see a lawyer and don't just take the advice of Ss770640. In all situations a key factor is the children and what they need. If there is no income, and unlikely to be child maintenance but there is a large amount of unearned income then that would be considered.

BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 21:19:46

But the only person who (possibly) earned the money is dead. Given that person who inherits didn't 'earn' it, I don't personally think it 'grossly unfair' that a married partner would have some kind of claim on it. I will take your advice on seeing a lawyer though. Thank you.

And thanks for your words peachgreen: I'm trying to not let the anger dictate where I go from here. I did after all choose of my own free will to marry, live and have children with this person sad.

OP’s posts: |
LaurieFairyCake Wed 15-Jan-20 21:20:28

He had a house coming into the marriage though?

You may have gained an interest in it (and it's subsequent sale if he sold it?)

You NEED to see a solicitor.

peachgreen Wed 15-Jan-20 21:23:34

In most circumstances I'd agree with you @Ss770640 but in this situation what is "grossly unfair" is OP's husband promising her that they could both afford to give up work and live this specific lifestyle because his inheritance would provide for them in later life and then reneging on that promise. Legally you may well be right (I have no idea) but regardless of legality, it's morly abhorrent.

BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 21:32:24

Yes, he had a house and sold it after a few years of us living together. He then bought a new one and we married a year later. It was a major renovation job which OH did himself over several years, fueled on my cooking, brown mopping etc. He sold that house last year for 200k (v rural location). We now live in the south so obviously house prices are much higher.

OP’s posts: |
BillyBunting Wed 15-Jan-20 21:34:14

*BROW mopping (brown mopping sounds vaguely...shudder)

OP’s posts: |
Sleepingboy Wed 15-Jan-20 21:35:20

Who provides the house you live in now then?

Strogey20 Wed 15-Jan-20 21:50:06

Hi guys I need your advice
Myself & my husband have been living with my parents house for 5 years bearing In Mind the intention was for 2 years initially.
I have a temporary locum job & he has a zero contract job. My aim is to save money for us to get our own place but my husband keeps saying how impatient. we are obviously not on the same page because he has booked a holiday with our daughter to go Barbados which we cannot realistically afford. I was going to go but changed my mind because imagine we both go now, bearing in mind we do not get holiday pay. I will benefit more by staying & saving my money to build our foundation. Every time I choose to bring this subject up he is not interested. Now he is making me feel bad by not going but guys I’m sure you would agree I am doing the right thing. It’s not even to say that he would pay for me but naaaaawwwww he would do that.

Strogey20 Wed 15-Jan-20 21:52:09

My mother

okiedokieme Wed 15-Jan-20 21:52:24

If you are married over 10 years in England than pre marital wealth is part of the pot - I brought £100k to my marriage and it is not ring fenced

Strogey20 Wed 15-Jan-20 21:53:40

I am trying to deal with this situation myself but I feel that my father should speak to him to give him a wake up call

StrawberryJam200 Wed 15-Jan-20 21:57:50

Where the children’s are going to live is a major consideration, trumping anything else, as someone said earlier. Have you decided that yet?

StrawberryJam200 Wed 15-Jan-20 21:58:48

*children, even. I sound like the BFG!grin

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