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Divorce/separation

Can you fall back in love?

9 replies

Chapters123 · 02/01/2020 09:01

Hi all. I’m new to mumsnet and have found a bit of comfort in reading other posts about breakups, knowing that other people are going through similar situations.

I think my marriage has just broken down. We’ve not been happy for a while. Disconnected and distant from each other I suppose, but carrying on with our life which is usually busy with socialising, holidays, weekends away, fun stuff with our DC. Have had a few big arguments over the past year, not really about anything in particular. We don’t have any financial worries, we’re both in good health, lovely house, beautiful DC who brings us so much joy. So no real issues. I think we both finally realised yesterday (NY day) that we’re not happy and we can’t continue like this. We both say we still love each other and want to make it work I just don’t see how.

We don’t know how to move forward. I think we may have fallen out of love. He seems so distant now and things between us have felt false recently, like we being polite to each other. Haven’t had sex in a very long time.

Does anyone know if it’s possible to fall back in love and feel close to someone again?

How can you reconnect with someone and become emotionally invested?

We’re seeing a councillor on Sat so will see what progress we can make.

I’m trying to stay positive but just can’t see a way back to a happy, connected place.

I don’t think we acknowledged the distance that has grown between us until recently, so this has totally broken my heart. Feel like I’m losing everything.

Trying to stay strong for DC as she doesn’t have a clue about any of this right now, but just want to get into bed and cry.

My husband went to stay with his parents yesterday, he usually works a lot so I’ve told DC he left early this morning. I’ve a feeling he won’t be moving home again though. 😢

OP posts:

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Palaver1 · 03/01/2020 09:07

So sorry to hear this at least your taking the first step.I hope your session will adddress some of your questions and concerns
Life is not a rehearsal

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GrannyBags · 03/01/2020 09:12

I’m sure it is possible to fall back in love with someone, I know two couples who got divorced and later remarried. I have no clue how to make it happen though. I hope someone can give you some practical advice OP

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Yellowshirt · 04/01/2020 00:39

@Chapters123. I didn't think it was possible to fall back in love with my stbx in 2014 when she had an affair but I absolutely did.
I fell head over heels back in love and thought that that we had both changed and made our mistakes. But in 2018.I realised that I had been a fool. I had changed but she had just been lying for the past 4 years and our marriage was over.
I feel like such a fool.
Good luck

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Chapters123 · 04/01/2020 08:34

@Yellowshirt

I’m so, so sorry to hear that. You mustn’t feel like a fool for trying / trusting again. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

I hope you can find a way to let go of the hurt and anger that you must be feeling and move on.

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puzzled198 · 04/01/2020 22:10

A similar thing happened with me and my ex. He went along with the pretence that we could work on things, even tried counselling. It then came out that he'd been having an affair for 6 months!! He was just too gutless to be truthful about why he was miserable. A year later I'm divorced, and so much happier. I've also started a new relationship which is amazing, and highlights how bad my relationship had become with my ex. I'm not saying this is what's happening with your relationship, but this was my experience.

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Yellowshirt · 04/01/2020 23:32

Its the constant lies that hurt. I just don't understand what it will take for some people to just be truthful. I can't move on because the lies are never ending.
Are you hopeful rescuing your marriage?

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Yellowshirt · 04/01/2020 23:34

@puzzled198 did you get all lies and your ex trying to fool everyone that it was you at fault?

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sloth80 · 05/01/2020 20:53

@chapters123 similar situation to me - I said to my DH that I would be willing to work on the relationship but got silence in reply so I guess I know my answer... He says he's tried all during 2019 - ok, he sent me a bloody email in May and I said I wasn't his work colleague and we could speak in person if there was something he wanted to say to me. Now he's in the spare room and I don't know what to think. After almost 18 years of marriage and 2 DCs I'm kind of shocked how easily he's willing to give it up. From what other people say I reckon there's another woman but he won't ever admit that....