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Living in the same house, with kids, while you wait

(9 Posts)
parrotonmyshoulder Mon 30-Dec-19 21:22:53

How does this work? Have you had to do it? I have a solicitor appointment this week to get started, but haven’t told him yet.
If I have to stay in the home, and if he won’t go, how the hell does it work?
Please explain if and how it worked for you, particularly regarding children!

OP’s posts: |
wobytide Mon 30-Dec-19 23:30:14

It's no
t easy but possible. Work out who is responsible for the kids when if need be and have a place you can go to when you don't want to be there

Twobigsapphires Tue 31-Dec-19 13:53:45

I did it for 8 months. It was pretty tough. Told him I wanted a divorce in the August and finally left in the April. We agreed to sell the marital home so had to wait for that to sell and then both buy our own places. We had separate bank accounts as well as a joint account anyway so just paid enough into the joint account to cover house stuff. He slept on the sofa bed and we usually ate at different times anyway. We did still do each others waging etc as neither of us were petty about that. Would do stuff with the kids separately at the weekends but then he worked some weekends anyway.

Xmas was hard, as were a few family occasions. Kids were ok and I think it helped the transition to us divorcing and living apart as it was gradual. We even helped eachother move. It was emotionally harder for us though, more drawn out. Sitting together splitting photos etc. Sometimes I think ripping a plaster off would’ve been easier for us. It was actually harder for family I think as from the outside it looked like nothing had changed.

After 6 months I started seeing an old friend. That was hard on ex Dh, but actually in a way he could see that I wasn’t rushing into anything.

That was 7/8 years ago now. I think it’s doable providing you are both mature about it and put any kids first, but I think emotionally it’s tough and makes it harder to let go of the marriage.

Tiddleypops Tue 31-Dec-19 15:08:48

I think it's probably different for everyone, it depends on the dynamics between you. Obviously the ideal is to keep everything smooth and consistent for DC, and to be friendly and amicable.
Easier said than done. For me, I've had cycles of feeling very very resentful and angry. He's been a twat at times and it's all dragging on because he wants to punish me. Keeping the focus on keeping my side of the street clear, behaving well, doing the right things for DS and trying to not engage in poor behaviour from H is what I strive to do.
"One day at a time" works for me.

Tiddleypops Tue 31-Dec-19 15:11:43

In a practical sense, he does fuck all, just like he always has, but I know it can't go on forever and it proves me right time and time again. We eat meals together because it's easier than having to explain things to DS. I don't ask him what he wants to eat any more though, if he doesn't like what I am serving up, he can go elsewhere.

parrotonmyshoulder Tue 31-Dec-19 16:08:59

Sounds as awful as I expect it to be! Do you discuss/ schedule eg who is responsible for kids each morning/ evening/ weekend? It’s always been me anyway, but he’ll have to take some responsibility...I think.

OP’s posts: |
parrotonmyshoulder Wed 01-Jan-20 08:00:49

I think it’s just going to be cold and emotionless. No different to how it’s been for years really!
I will need him to communicate somehow though, over who is taking the children to school and clubs, putting them to bed, buying food, preparing food, which areas of the house we’re going to take charge of to keep it clean/ help it sell, paying bills. I worry that because I’m going to be the one saying it’s over, it’ll all be down to me.

OP’s posts: |
parrotonmyshoulder Fri 03-Jan-20 08:08:39

Told him. He doesn’t believe me. Says it’s all in my head.

OP’s posts: |
Palaver1 Fri 03-Jan-20 09:03:41

There is usually a sense of power in my case .knowing one day it will finally come to an end the shit he was giving me has calmed down my behaviour towards him is emotionless .
I dont take the shit anymore and csll him up when needed .he is weary of me and is toeing the line .
He is s coward didnt even know he was till i decided to go along with the divorce no love lost in our case .he has refused to engage so we are going to court that I find unforgivable.
I dont wash or cook for him.had stopped that ages ago.
Dont do anything that i dont want to to help his lazy ass.its clear how unconcerned I am with him .
Im petty so if he leaves cereal bowl unwashed he will mrt it there piled by the side of the sink his thr only one who uses bottled milk if he leaves it out opened he will meet it by the side opened if he leaves his hat etc he mets it by thr side there .
Funny his become much tidier and cleaner amazing.He leaves clothes in washing machine I put out in empty bucket at the back door as this is what has been agreed
Oh yes im not his slave refuse to do anything extra.I make sure he has his specific days to take care of our SEN child a rota was made for weekends. He has found this hard too bad .
Oh yes his more accountable I am petty but its doing him good .the postmsn was trying to make a delivery he refused to attend to this I did it was his package I kept it till he asked if I had it a few days later.to this I said i did but was not handing it over due to the fact that he refused to acknowledge the postman on the day .
Later on in the day another delivery was made he ran to the door to collect the parcel for our son something he would never do
He then asked politely if he could have his parcel only then did I give him so yes his learning.I am petty but dont care we have the first piece of paper just waiting for financial part then will apply for absolute ,unfortunately this will be through the courts costing a bomb already
I am petty and dont care.

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