Talk

Advanced search

Need some perspective

(4 Posts)
peanutbutterkid Wed 25-Dec-19 19:47:20

I don't know if this is annoying me coz I already want to divorce H or if this is another piece of evidence why we aren't right for each other.

Background, been together 20 yrs & many DC.
H spent hours this afternoon seemingly asleep out in front of fire (in the dark) while I cooked a Christmas evening meal roast (our adult DC helped & asked for).

When we served up food, H spent 20 minutes ignoring his plate & instead cleaning the hob. The kitchen is his domain, he does 85% of all cooking. I was glad to scrub the hob, but don't get the chance. I think he's eaten now but is bashing around kitchen tidying up things how he likes. He's not talking or engaging with anyone. Me & DD are knocking back prosecco & youngest is watching silly films.

H has been in an especially black mood for about 10 days now. It's just childish & rest of us mostly ignore him, but this is longer lasting than usual.

Is this situation...

"Tired man doing the washing up since someone else cooked the meal. He's understandably fussy about the kitchen organisation since he does most the cooking, it's his little kingdom."

or

"Passive aggressive git wants to make a point how much he hates us all."

I can't tell any more.

OP’s posts: |
Otter71 Thu 26-Dec-19 11:51:16

Hard to say really. Does he have regular dark periods or is this new?
My stbxh hid in the kitchen every Xmas to avoid socialising whilst I tried on eggshells trying to entertain his parents or got moaned at for having to work. Did 13 hours yesterday but still beats that shit...

peanutbutterkid Thu 26-Dec-19 19:01:02

He's not shy, there's only us here and I'm very laid back (that is probably a problem, I don't meet his standards). No one to entertain. He's just being an arse.

"regular": I would say he has a black sulk that lasts for a few days at least, maybe once every 4-6 months. This black sulk has been extra long. 2 weeks? DD suggested he has SAD. I suspect he's depressed from noticing our marriage is crap. But it's been crap for years so why get unhappy about it again & again? He knows or should be able to guess I'd leap at chance of an amicable split so there is a clear door out. H is slightly more friendly now after being dragged for a long walk today, but saying doom & gloom things about the state of the world. I refuse to grow old with this misery guts.

Thanks for reply. I need to plot the Exit.

OP’s posts: |
Yellowshirt Thu 26-Dec-19 21:47:02

I'll hold my hands up here ladies and say I was that man. I used to hide in the kitchen. I've always struggled with socialising.
My moods must of been absolutely horrible to live with.
I also got frustrated though with my ex as she was lazy and dirty. She would leave dirty pots and pans for days on end and it usef to drive me crazy.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in