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Merry Xmas to all those having Xmas with a STBEX

(14 Posts)
BlackTulip71 Tue 24-Dec-19 23:37:37

Lying in bed thinking of the day ahead. Trying to keep things civil. Half filled with sadness that it will be the last Xmas spent together like a family but am so looking forward to the new year and new beginnings.

Merry Christmas to you all whatever stage of the divorce / separation journey you are at.

Thanks for all the support shown to me so far.


OP’s posts: |
SageYourResoluteOracle Wed 25-Dec-19 00:53:32

Ah merry Christmas to you too! I'm in a similar boat. I'm really trying to remain civil as it's so important how this goes in terms of my DD's needs. Right now I'm drinking Santa's brandy and eating his mince pie then will fill DD's stocking before heading to bed. Classic fm is on and I've spent the last few days rather weepy. I've needed to let things out...

I instigated the separation 2 months ago. I've since met someone who is absolutely wonderful and although it's early days, I feel happier than I've felt in years. Not just because of meeting someone but also because the story that I will now write on the next few pages is mine - and mine- alone to write. It's a powerful feeling. And I'm going into the new decade having petitioned for divorce. Handing in my marriage certificate to my solicitor was easily one of the most poignant and momentous things I've ever done but it -sadly- felt very, very right.

Happy Christmas to you and to all the others in similar situations.

MoominCake Wed 25-Dec-19 09:52:04

Merry Christmas all, hoping you have a fantastic day. I've just said goodbye to my Stbexh who came by early to be here when dd(4) opened her presents. He doesn't seem able to stop talking about his girlfriend and her parents visiting today and then left after a short while muttering something about how long his turkey will take to cook. I bit my tongue as I always do. I could spend more energy feeling frustrated and angry at this, at how he left us 18 months ago out of the blue, how much it is costing to divorce him and how knackered I am working full time with a small child and little help from him. But I realised it's all my effort that has made this morning magic for her. It's my effort that pays the mortgage and me that holds her when she's poorly, me that reads her stories. I feel very tired, quite weepy sometimes wishing occasionally that she had the kind of family I know she sees in films and at her friends' houses, but I'm entering a new decade about to have a divorce finalised, moving house at long last, doing really well in a fantastic new job I got six months ago, fabulous friends (hosting us for dinner later) and a wonderful new man on the scene who just makes my heart leap. I feel very proud of that and just wanted to say to any single parents out there who may be struggling today, you're fantastic doing what you do, and should hold your head up high. Happy Christmas xx

Tanyaaah Wed 25-Dec-19 11:27:14

I'm going through the same thing. Just want it over but having to pretend all is fine for a while!

SageYourResoluteOracle Wed 25-Dec-19 11:53:03

@MoominCake you should be proud. Bloody proud!

@Tanyaaah hang on in there.

The grumpy old arse is cooking Christmas dinner so that's something. DD is both delighted and being delightful. I'm about to go for a run along the river. I've wept several times already today- mainly tears of happiness and relief but also some of sadness and frustration. Later I'm having a fabulous cheeseboard replete with quince paste, fresh figs and a Demi bouteille of Bollinger. I've hidden this and will sneak in and out of the freezer later. I promised myself this as a 'surviving one last Christmas' treat.

Ladies- we've got this!

Emmerdaledramaqueen Wed 25-Dec-19 14:48:39

Half way through the day ladies!!

I'm taking today as a learning 1st Xmas apart and I have, been very civil for dd's sake but not sure ex appreciates it as has done nothing!!
Next year can come over in the morning and have dd for a bit while I go for a walk or do whatever I feel like.

Only 2 hours to go.
Like a PP I have secreted special nibbles just for me!

Tanyaaah Wed 25-Dec-19 18:19:16

Luckily we still get on ok, but I'm really excited to think that I will one day spend Christmas with someone I love!
Just need to get through this, tell the kids and get on with our changed lives.

Tanyaaah Wed 25-Dec-19 18:20:06

Not that I have met anyone else yet, just trying to stay positive.

BlackTulip71 Wed 25-Dec-19 21:55:50

Boy did I have to bite my tongue today. He was like the grinch this morning. Misery and not getting involved. Perked up thankfully (possibly the wine).

But made some incredible bad timed comments at dinner about next year. Alluding to it all being different. I had to move the conversation on. It wasn’t the time.

Fortunately our 2 girls know what is happening.

Like someone said above. Can’t wait until next year and just being amongst the ones you love.

OP’s posts: |
SageYourResoluteOracle Thu 26-Dec-19 01:04:02

I made it through the day and had this in secret before talking for over an hour on the phone to my beau! A nice end to a day that has been difficult and tearful. I hope everyone else is doing okay.

lifeisgoodagain Thu 26-Dec-19 07:16:29

It's weird isn't it, in most ways it was like nothing had happened, he was nice, brought champagne, bought me a very thoughtful gift (I hadn't) didn't lift a finger to help (nothing changed there!) but everything has changed, my new dp had only been gone an hour before (visiting his parents) grin and today ex is borrowing the car to visit his girlfriend (I assume that's why he wants it). Went as well as can he expected, just can't wait until tomorrow when I'm going to my dp's until the 4th (geography is a pain at timesgrin)

MoominCake Thu 26-Dec-19 16:49:01

Hello, hope everyone is having a good day. Once I got to my friends yesterday, I soon forgot all about the insensitivity of stbexh and thoroughly enjoyed the day! I have taken inspiration from this thread and am opening champers this evening when dd is in bed, eating turkey sandwiches and secret chocolate, watching all the Christmas telly on catch up and having a chat on the phone to the new man hurrah!

Rugbytime Thu 26-Dec-19 17:05:11

I was in a similar position this time last year and remember the feelings all too well. I was dreading breaking up (we had been together for over 15 years - pretty much all my adult life) and so I decided not to make the final decision until Christmas was over, but deep down I knew the relationship was too unhealthy to stay in.

Fast forward almost a year and I have met someone new. Its relatively early days so I don’t know whether it’ll last but what I can say is that for the first time in a long long time I feel like I’m with someone that I can really trust. Things do get better. Big hugs to everyone going through this xxx.

Danni12 Thu 26-Dec-19 17:42:49

I had a good day, we get on well but I felt very sad about how it has come to this and wonder if I will ever stop wishing I hadn't left.....

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