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Divorcing because of his affair

(23 Posts)
LAC19651 Sun 22-Dec-19 22:42:12

I'm divorcing my husband of 26 years because he is having an affsir and chose her. It's been 18 months and this still hurts. Is anyone in the same position because I could do with someone who understands?

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LabellaChicca Sun 22-Dec-19 22:46:48

This horrible. I do understand. This is not your fault. He made a shitty choice. You didn’t do anything to deserve this.

Yellowshirt Mon 23-Dec-19 00:20:54

Hi Lac. I totally understand. I'm 17 months into a divorce after my wife's affair and finally accepting after fighting for nearly 4 years over the affair she chose him over me even though the other bloke wad also her friends long term partner

mybrilliantmind Mon 23-Dec-19 00:27:14

I'm currently divorcing my husband because he is having an ongoing affair that started around May of this year. We have a ten year marriage behind us (second time around for both of us). I'm so sad at the moment. I think because it's coming up to Christmas and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm trying to be grateful for my health, family job etc... but it's not easy.

LAC19651 Mon 23-Dec-19 05:20:49

I'm so sorry - you fought for such a longtime you will have so much on replay in your head! I'm finding Christmas quite hard. The financial negotiations haven't gone well . Thank you for reaching out. I'm off to work which goes someway to keeping me going. Hopefully talk again.

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LAC19651 Mon 23-Dec-19 05:25:03

I understand - I find it hard to be grateful for anything. Sometimes feel as if I'm being punished as he seems to be moving on to a better life!

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mybrilliantmind Mon 23-Dec-19 12:51:22

Yes, the thought of him cosying up to someone and exchanging gifts while I wake up on my own on Christmas Day is tough to bear. But I know I will have happier times ahead and you will too. Don't doubt yourself - you haven't done anything wrong except invest your love and energy in a man who didn't deserve it.

Yellowshirt Mon 23-Dec-19 16:08:25

Work has kept me going for 18 months. Its the only thing I enjoy. I actually dread having time off.
Our financial negotiations are not going well either. She wants 33/65 split on the equity of the house despite it being me who has lost everything and I've had to move rented accommodation 3 times already .
She is a teacher and earns more but she just thinks she can continue to lie and push me around.
I actually don't care about Christmas. I'll just leave my phone at home and go for a nice long walk.
Its been the toughest time of my life but I'm still fighting and hanging in there.

Betrayed1 Mon 23-Dec-19 16:13:50

I’ve been married for almost 6 years, with a child who is 4 on the spectrum, recently found out my husband is no longer in love with me, wants to separate and then dropped the bombshell of telling me he had a fling a couple of weeks after our child’s birthday. I am devastated and hurt, I never in a million years expected this from him as he made me believe he wasn’t that type of guy. He doesn’t want to work things out and has decided everything for me. I’ve spoken to a very close friend and family member. I can’t seem to accept what he’s telling me and I’m struggling to look after my 4 year old. I keep breaking down and picturing them two together and it’s tearing me up inside. We have always had issues in our marriage but never did I expect he would hurt me this way and then decide he didn’t want to be in the marriage as he felt trapped. I don’t know where to go from here, every time I look at my son I breakdown. We are still living together until I find a new place, seems like he wants to separate pretty quickly.

LAC19651 Mon 23-Dec-19 16:30:43

Betrayed1. Talk to a friend - Contact MIND for some support from a counsellor. And don't leave your home until you see a solicitor for a free 1/2 consultation. Take it minute by minute, one breath at a time. x

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LAC19651 Mon 23-Dec-19 16:32:41

Thanks for sharing - Yellowshirt x

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Ss770640 Mon 23-Dec-19 18:25:14

Yup I'm 18 months since finding out my wife of 4.5 years, 12 in total, left for her workmate.

Now I have to drop off my son when the scumbags car is outside her flat.

It's a whole new level of emotional pain.

Keep busy, keep socialising.

If your willing, find a new person. They will help you heal.

Don't mourn or live in spite and anger. After all, your only mourning the mask he/she was wearing for so long

Fairygirl123 Mon 23-Dec-19 21:50:19

My first post.... after 16 months of toing and froing, promises that he’ll come home, my husband tells me he’s in love with the other woman (the second one he’s fallen in love with, i never knew about the first until after he left me). So after 25 years of marriage, 2 now uni aged children, I’ve filed for divorce. He wouldn’t agree to adultery so I’ve had to do it the hard way and go for unreasonable behaviour. I wish now I’d done it months ago rather than let myself be drawn back in by his fantasy of the new start we could have. So now just before Xmas it’s stirred up all the hurt and upset all over. But I’m sort of thankful it’s nearly over. It’s been a horrid year, and 2020 can hopefully be all about rebuilding my life and getting to know myself all over again.

LAC19651 Mon 23-Dec-19 22:36:07

Sounds very much like me 26 yrs married and 2 children at uni. So wish we could all meet and form our own support group!

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Fairygirl123 Mon 23-Dec-19 22:49:57

Sounds great. I’d love to talk to someone who’s going through the same thing right now. My family have been amazing but it’s such a rollercoaster of emotions. The lows are so very low and the highs only brief with a long way to fall...... I feel like I’m at the start of a long and difficult journey but at least I’ve decided on my direction of travel.

AllMixedUp76 Tue 24-Dec-19 06:42:49

Ex and would have been together for 20 years in January this year but in stead our divorce came through. He had an affair and i found out 2.5 years ago.
It's still though, especially this time of year, indeed any time my kids are at their dad's, but as you said, @yellowshirt focusing on work helps. But burying myself in work means my social life has suffered, I feel really lonely sometimes. I'm telling myself 2020 will be my year.

Yellowshirt Tue 24-Dec-19 08:43:44

@AllMixedUp76. My social life is absolutely zero and I just can't face going into the pub by myself. Its very lonely and I very rarely see my 14 old daughter anymore. I don't even feel like a dad.

Yellowshirt Tue 24-Dec-19 08:49:29

@Betrayed1. Please please don't leave your home until you get a final settlement. Its my worst mistake. Once you leave if you attempt to move back in or remove anything from the house iy plays into your ex partners hands and works against you and those were my solicitors exact words

Yellowshirt Tue 24-Dec-19 08:59:05

@Fairygirl123. Its scary how similar peoples stories are. My ex didn't want adultery either but at the 6 month point she filed against me for unreasonable behaviour. I feel so stupid now for letting her pull the wool over me.
I've now also been told I have to pay her solicitor fees and court costs. I'm just getting kicked left, right and centre. So far my costs are about £4000 and hers are zero due to MY unreasonable behaviour. She is now offering me only 35% of the equity so I'm going to have to go to court.
I'm actually at breaking point and I'm dreading the week I now have off for Christmas.

Fairygirl123 Tue 24-Dec-19 09:00:27

It’s funny now looking back on the fast few Xmases i can now see how much tension and anxiety he caused with his behaviour. Not joining in, criticising how I did things and just generally being unkind. This year is all about me and my children - I can’t wait.

NomDeQwerty Tue 24-Dec-19 09:05:07

Yup. But the Crazy has done such a number on me and the kids that when I read your post I thought it's him fishing for me to share info because he knows I use MN (though maybe not my username).

Fairygirl123 Tue 24-Dec-19 09:59:11

Ha.... I’m not I promise. Think one of the weirdest things is realising how quickly he changed.... almost overnight. But perhaps after 25 years I didn’t really know him after all? That eats me up a lot... Hard not to think it’s my fault sometimes and that I wasn’t enough.

LAC19651 Wed 25-Dec-19 12:00:21

Merry Christmas to you all. x

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