Friend taking forever to get a divorce(5 Posts)
lljkk Sat 14-Dec-19 08:53:50
AuntieMarys Sat 14-Dec-19 08:56:50
lljkk Sat 14-Dec-19 10:34:01
Lulualla Sat 14-Dec-19 10:36:50
lljkk Sat 14-Dec-19 10:58:04
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If you know someone in a bad marriage (they know it's a bad marriage) but they are struggling to finish it, how do you support them?
I've gone very male mind about it, listing the practical things she can do. Saying "Focus on what you can do". But it's the emotional side, facing up to many fears that she is struggling most with. I can't get that embroiled or my own mental health will suffer (and I can't make this happen for her anyway, no matter how hard I try).
Just wondered what helped other people to support others while keeping your own sanity. Friend is still living with terrible H, hasn't served divorced papers yet, but wants him out of house ASAP. Need to keep this a bit general coz the real life details are endless, & I don't want to list long details about someone else's life, anyway. Any experiences to share, though about your role as supportive friend?
male mind = thinking about practical things almost to exclusion of feelings:
"You could do x, you could do Y"
rather than "Gosh I know how you feel and that's really awful." I'm shit at that empathy part. If I were her, the moment her husband went out the door 3 yrs ago I would have said "Good riddance!" and researched Decree Nisi. She's still stuck on the stages of fantasising about burning all his stuff in a public pyre.
How is that Male.mind? That's just being pragmatic. I'm like that.
Obviously can do empathy and all that the first time a conversation happens, but everything gets to a point where you just talk about the practical stuff. Its nothing to do with being Male.
Maybe I can't help Friend since practical advice is all I can offer and it doesn't seem to be what she needs.
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