I'm in the marital home with kids , can't afford 50/50 split

[Kazoouk]

Hi , I am looking to try and buy my husband out. His mum is "giving" him 200k from her business as a loan but basically it's a tax dodge , only ever going to charge him interest. To let him buy some where with a small mortgage. So basically he doesn't need /want much from the house. I am having main custody of the kids. We don't have any significant cash assets at all, he is having the only car we own, mine is on finance , the other only worth maybe 5k. Bank has said I can afford 45k, which represents about 35 percent equity . I am not going to claim his pension which is likely to be higher than mine given he is a teacher . He is happy with this , do you think a court would agree to this ?

[mostlydrinkstea]

Talk to a divorce lawyer. Lots offer a free half hour.

Before you do get a spreadsheet and list out what the house is worth, his pension, your pension, cars, jewellery and see what a 50/50 split looks like. Pensions are worth more than you think. Are you going for spousal maintenance? How often will he have the children? All these things factor in.

[mostlydrinkstea]

Sorry, should have said it sounds like he is doing very well out of the deal. Get a sanity check from a lawyer.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

I don't think a court would agree to that no, not without knowing what the pensions CETV is

[Timetobegood]

It’s impossible to say based on that so you do need legal advice. Other things to factor in - length of marriage, your earnings and capacity to earn in the future, ages of the children, child contact arrangements, can you afford the mortgage on your own, how long left on the mortgage etc. Everyone’s circumstances are different.

[notnowmaybelater]

If you cannot afford to buy him out it would be common to remain in the family home without ownership changing until the youngest child is 18 and finishes school, and only then split the house by selling it and splitting the capital.

[ElluesPichulobu]

you need to include the full value of both pensions in the calculation, then work out what a 50:50 split would look like. if his pension is so much more valuable than yours then that could well account for you getting a greater share of the marital home which could be sufficient to allow you to manage the remaining mortgage on your own.

[ElluesPichulobu]

nb that doesn't mean you share the pension. you each keep your own pension as the first brick in building up your 50% but if his pension is larger then he gets a smaller slice of everything else.

[Kazoouk]

I have a solicitor already, but I have opted for her to just present the financial statement , we don't have a particularly complicated situation so we need to figure it out ourselves. His CETV is taking ages I guess once we know that we can see what it looks like . He genuinely doesn't really want to take much of the house at all because he is basically getting 200k free from his mum. But I know it doesnt work like that

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

So you can't afford to stay in the house because you have to give him some equity from it? Could you delay that until the children are grown up?

[Kazoouk]

I do not need spousal maintenance no. We have agreed £480 for the children maintenance , plus to split bigger things like school trips etc . He is a teacher , my solicitor warned me that cetvs from teachers pensions can take ages

[Kazoouk]

Can give him some equity , just not 50/50. And he doesn't want it .

[LanternLighter]

If he’s keeping his pension, depending on the cetv, you could offset the value against the house.
He keeps his pension, savings and car...you keep the house equity.

[Kazoouk]

I guess it's a completely non question until I find out his pension value . It's just really annoying how long it's taken . He put the form in over a month ago

[Kazoouk]

Mine is 51k and it came back within two days 😆

[MsRomanoff]

If you cannot afford to buy him out it would be common to remain in the family home without ownership changing until the youngest child is 18 and finishes school, and only then split the house by selling it and splitting the capital.

This really isnt common anymore.

OP my mum and dad did this. Mum kept the house instead of looking at dads pension.

I also have a friend that did this. Unfortunately, no one can really tell you if the judge will go for it. But if it's all similar amounts, I cant see the huge issue.

[Timetobegood]

Yes remaining in the home until the children are 18 is not a dead cert any more. I had to sell the family home and I had two small children 100% of the time. A clean break is preferred.

[Kazoouk]

Agreed i want a clean break .

[Micah]

Bank has said I can afford 45k, which represents about 35 percent equity . I am not going to claim his pension which is likely to be higher than mine given he is a teacher . He is happy with this , do you think a court would agree to this ?

Ime, yes. My brother was in pretty much the same situation, the court allowed her to “buy him out” based on what the bank said she could borrow. So i think she ended up with a 300k house and 70k mortgage. It’ll now be worth £400k (south east)

He had a very small pension- hers was better so they didn’t split that. She’d already emptied the bank and savings accounts before she kicked him out.

The court wouldn’t allow them to remain jointly owning until kids 18 as she had moved her OM in and apparently that causes all sorts of issues with claims to the house in the future.

The court said as he was housed (he’s living with our parents) they wouldn’t force a sale to split 50:50 due to the disruption to the kids, so the only option was for her to buy him out for a cost she could afford.

If your ex has 200k to buy somewhere nee and house himself, i’d say you have every chance.

[HollyIvy89]

Can’t you get a rough indication of pension value by him calling up and asking or logging into pension administrator website in the first instance and then add these figures into the overall pot and then divide. You may not touch his pension but you’ll likely get more equity from house if it’s higher than your own. Why wouldn’t you include the pension?

[NorthernGlam]

You can agree an unequal split and he can provide a letter to the court saying he is happy with this and give the reasons you have explained here - you need the money and he doesn’t as he’s got £200k windfall . I wouldn’t mortgage to the max when he might accept a lower %. If you have kids more then 60:40 or 70:30 would be just as common and that’s before you factor in his extra £200k! He could accept zero and provided he can convince a judge he is making an informed decision the judge may allow it

[RandomMess]

The DC need to be housed, you are doing the bulk of the care, he probably has a pension worth a decent sum.

Sounds pretty much in line with your "typical" divorce.

[stucknoue]

My stbexh is giving me the house in return for £30k cash so he can put 10% down on a new house, he's agreed spousal (kids over 18 but at university). It's whatever you negotiate - many men who walk away do feel guilty contrary to what you commonly read here and they are willing to give equity or support over government guidelines to recognise the career sacrifice we made

[Kazoouk]

Thanks for all the advice . It's hard not to feel cheesed off when he has an affair and his mum gives him 200k and and I still need to find more money to give him , which he will probably just have to sit in the bank . It's just one of those things and at the end of the day that money has nothing to do with our marriage so he does deserve some money from it .

[MsRomanoff]

I think it helps in divorce to stop thinking about whats fair, from a behaviour point if view or who is to blame more.

And try and focus on it in a factual aspect. You are married he is entitled to X. Doesnt matter who did what. Concentrate on 'are you getting what's fair?'

Easier said than done. But it does make things easier