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Separated a year. Who should file for divorce?

(8 Posts)
cloudbusting42 Sun 24-Nov-19 21:39:10

Out of the blue walkout from husband of 10 years back in Oct 2018.

We’ve since been co-parenting DD6 50/50. Just starting financial mediation and hope to reach an MOU within the next few weeks.

Our plan was to wait 2 years and then divorce by mutual consent. But to guarantee the financial agreement (consent order), we need to do a Deed of Separation (£££?) OR one of us file for divorce now on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour or adultery.

My view is that he should divorce me since; a) I never wanted this, b) I think he should pay for it, and c) I can’t be bothered leading on the admin. There was no adultery, so that leaves UB. STBXH is not keen on doing this as it’s far from his truth that ‘we just drifted apart hmm (despite having issued me an exhaustive list of my unreasonableness a year ago. Now he seems to think that we can make the marriage dissolve in a shower of glitter and sparkles).

Receiving a shitty letter with a list of my UBs won’t be fun, but I’m OK with seeing it as a formality. Plus with the forthcoming abolition of the 2 year wait, I hear judges are being more lenient with letting through milder examples of UB.

The opposing point of view is that if I file, I can still apply for him to pay some of it if I use UB (mainly based on his walking out), and I retain control of the process.

I’m torn. Is there any risk I don’t know about to allowing him to divorce me rather than the other way around?

OP’s posts: |
Itsallchange Mon 25-Nov-19 05:55:36

I would take it as a paper exercise if you need to do one or the other to complete the financials. UB is just the reasons why your marriage broke down, my understanding is that the judge will allow the UB to go through if you both agree, there’s little point of them not as one or both of you doesn’t want to be married anymore. It sounds as if your talking between you so could you agree to pay half each it also sounds as if you could do this your self online thus saving money and just paying the court fee. I hope you get it sorted

Namechangedyorkshire Mon 25-Nov-19 06:01:08

It is a lot cheaper doing it all at the same time as opposed to a deed of separation so I would go with your plan as you laid out

MooseBeTimeForSummer Mon 25-Nov-19 06:20:53

Just see it as a means to an end. Let him issue and pay for it and make sure he doesn’t claim costs against you. There’s nothing stopping you agreeing the examples of UB either. It doesn’t have to be a long list - first, worst and last.

slipperywhensparticus Mon 25-Nov-19 06:36:02

Its around £500 so not much really

Namechangedyorkshire Mon 25-Nov-19 06:44:09

The legal fees for drawing up,the consent order can be a lot more than that though and the person taking the lead tends to pay more

toobusytothink Mon 25-Nov-19 06:48:27

Tbh it’s easier to be the one in control. I just agreed with stbexh that we would split fees. Then I filed - did it online - very easy.

Solitaryradiator Tue 26-Nov-19 20:30:44

I’m having a similar dilemma. He said he doesn’t want to file UB as it doesn’t feel fair. To be honest though you can just write any old anodyne reasons, have a look on the internet for some

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