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Divorcing with disabled child

(13 Posts)
dorothysredshoes Sun 24-Nov-19 19:59:29

Can anyone please recommend a solicitor with experience of settlements involving a disabled teenager, specifically ASD. Need someone who can understand the potential implications including care beyond 18. If anyone has been in this situation and has any tips they'd also be gratefully received.

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Isitme13 Mon 25-Nov-19 13:56:37

I wish I could help.

I’m in a similar position, and am hoping it all goes well.

So far all it seems I can do is make the case for why I/dc will need support longer than usual, which is at least relatively straightforward in my case as dc will never live independently, and has always been at SN school and has teams of paperwork to back this up.

But it is still up in the air.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Mon 25-Nov-19 21:29:29

This happened to my best friend. Her son is disabled and will never be able to live independently. She got a much higher percentage of the assets than he did because the plan was for her son to always live with her and he needed to be housed.

dorothysredshoes Mon 25-Nov-19 22:51:26

Thanks for replies. Just had chat with hubby and he is speculating that son may be independent at 18, go to uni etc. My son has EHCP with one to one support at school and mental health fragile when stressed. He's also saying 50/50 care which is silly as he works long days and I work part time during school hours. Everything seems driven by finance. Turning into a horrible negotiation

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dorothysredshoes Mon 25-Nov-19 22:52:41

Hope all goes well isitme

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stucknoue Tue 26-Nov-19 09:53:17

I'm in a similar position except dd is already over 18. Thankfully it's amicable and he's voluntarily offered substantial spousal maintenance and is giving me the family home once the mortgage is paid off (not too long) but I'm interested in getting the name of someone decent in case he backtracks (for complicated reasons which would solve all money issues we can't divorce for some time) you just never know once a new partner is involved

stucknoue Tue 26-Nov-19 09:57:14

Ps h had agreed to this on the condition that I give him £30k (thankfully we have it stashed away) for a deposit and I give the kids each 10% of the house value if dd1 does move out so they can buy houses of their own. The trickier issue is what happens if I want to relocate and dd doesn't ... but I'm hopeful she will be independent by 23/24 she's a lot more confident than in her teen years

BatshitCrazyWoman Wed 27-Nov-19 13:38:10

OP, is your DC going to live with you until you are too old to look after then? What are the longterm plans (has this been discussed at school review/transition meetings? I have an adult DC with a severe learning disability - DC went to residential college after (special) school, and then into a supported living placement (with the usual fight to get what DC needed, as us familiar to those of us with disabled DC!). I could then work, and it's way better for DC. I think you will need to look at a long term plan for your DC, and at all the options.

The care I gave my DC (and the fact that I couldn't work) was reflected in my divorce settlemeny.

BatshitCrazyWoman Wed 27-Nov-19 13:39:12

Couldn't work until DC was in a placement, I mean!

dorothysredshoes Wed 27-Nov-19 21:19:26

My son is in mainstream with 1-1. Academically he could maybe go to university but all the other stuff to do with life is hard for him so I really have no idea what he will do post 18. That's why it's hard to plan for the future. He's under CAHMS and if anything starts going wrong in life he gets very upset and I have to support him. I want to continue to work part time which will give me the time to support him and hopefully get him on a pathway to independence. My husband is minimising his needs now, saying he's fine, he can leave home and doesn't want to put in writing any post 18 financial support for him.

OP’s posts: |
dorothysredshoes Wed 27-Nov-19 21:20:47

Don't know anything about adult services or supported living as have solely been focused on surviving school. Planning the divorce has now focused the mind onto this aspect of his life.

OP’s posts: |
clpsmum Fri 13-Dec-19 01:12:02

Watching with interest

Palaver1 Fri 20-Dec-19 07:00:17

If your son needs 1 to 1 there is the likelihood that he will need support for the future especially if he gets to adolescences.
It doesn’t matter what your husband says .your son is vulnerable and that is what you stick to .
It will make a difference to the way the proceed from the divorce are looked at do not sell you child’s future short once it’s over you’ll be the sole carer.

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