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DH took ring off and watch and he didnt come to sleep

(9 Posts)
Jmamma Tue 19-Nov-19 07:59:59

Hi... Im new. I hate posting but I really need some advise. I hope someone can help me feel a little better. Husband and I been married for 2 years and we have a 1 year old girl. He has never been very carrying for us and most of the time i feel like i am a single parent. He doesnt try to spend time with us and seems to hate the fact that now all my attention is for the baby and not for him. He has been verbally abusive when pregnant and now just emotionally abusive by making me feel that im a problem which i dont agree with since he is the one always taking time off and not spending not even 15 min a day with his daughter unless i get extra mad and demand it. Anyway... we have been arguing a lot lately or i just simply ignore him for the longest of times since he is never spending time with us. He decided to call me names yesterday and i replied to him because he was humiliating me too much and couldnt handle it anymore. We often get mad but even if he is mad he will always come back home before 1 am usually 12 is the norm. This has happened a number of 6 times in 2 years but all of a sudden he decides to leave the watch and bracelet that i gave him as well as his wedding ring then was gone for the whole night then came back at 6 pm the next day so he went straight to work but he usually comes around 8 or 9 pm never before that.... this past month he has come early 2 times. The first one we were mad he got home around 6 again saying that there was a gas leak and he had to close. He asked me to get out of town and book for a day or 2 and i thought he was joking but in fact he didnt opened for 2 days just for a weird getaway planned in 2 hours. He wasnt going ro open because of the gas leak which the landlord fixed that day... weird. Then 2 weeks after he gets mad and leaves all his stuff including wedding ring and doesnt even come back in the morning for gel or anything and he would never go anywhere without using this gel which you cannot buy anywhere weird. Then he comes at 6pm and talks to me like nothing happen tries to eat with me and sleep in the bed again which i said no and he said what did i do?? My back hurts and i want to sleep in my bed... he didnt spoke about last night or anything. Then i told him we are no longer sleeping together get a matress for you or for me and ill no1ve to the other room you can stay in the couch since i am in the bed with my daughter now he grabs watch bracelet and ring and leaves. Leaving me 100 dlls why? Im planning to divorce things are really bad and i am tired of the emotional abuse and control want to give my daughter a better and peaceful life. I just dont know what to think his behaviour is weird. He also called my kother and brother to speak to them and i have no idea where he got his numbers from. Im so confused about this whole thing. Sorry for making this so long i hope i can get some opinions here and thank you in advance.

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Jmamma Tue 19-Nov-19 08:09:35

I meant I will move to the other room. Sorry for the grammar i am exhausted and cant even analyze things correctly at this point.

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BlouseAndSkirt Tue 19-Nov-19 08:29:49

JMamma, very sorry that you are going through this.

It is good you have made your decision. It doesn’t sound like a problem that can be sorted out. He is a terrible father, and you have correctly identified that his behaviour is abusive.

Are you close to your mother and brother? Can you take your baby and move to your Mums for a while?

Is your house rented or mortgaged?

Jmamma Tue 19-Nov-19 13:56:08

Thank you for your comment @blouseandskirt. My mom is the only family member i have here but cant move in with her since she is married as well and he wouldnt let any of us move in with them for any reason. He bought the property we are living in 1 year prior to our marriage and is under his name. I dont think i will get any type of help if we get divorced since we have only been married for 2 years. Im in a really hard situation. He has lied to me before many many times. He had another number and was talking to his ex girlfriend for the first 5 months of our marriage and while i was pregnant. He didnt even stop because I already had a baby on the way. He lied to me so many times. I hardly believe anything he says now. I dont even know where to start and move on. He messed up my credit score. Took me out of my job only to control me financially not so much for the baby. He trapped me into hell. I am looking for ways to get the divorce started soon even if we have to struggle financially until i get my job back and start making a decent amount of money... since I left the country to visit my dad and family I felt like he did something when i wasnt here. His whole actitud changed since then. That was about 3 months ago. I came back and he was just a different person. Less patient get out whenever he was mad and wont come back etc such a weird actitud and since then its just getting worst every day. We are no longer being intimate maybe a total of 3 times in 4 months. I dont trust him at all. Please help

OP’s posts: |
BlouseAndSkirt Wed 20-Nov-19 00:57:42

Financial independence is always a strength if you can get the right job and childcare.

Do you have a bank account in your own name?

You would be entitled to a share of the house, especially if you are putting s roof over your child’s head.

Jmamma Wed 20-Nov-19 06:49:56

Hopefully I will. I dont have any accounts under my name. Unfortunately. I just feel so sad I want to give my daughter a stable place to live and not have her renting here and there... im so disappointed i feel like i dont want to make her feel that she is an unlucky kid i put so much effort on this condo to make a nice and cozy home and room for her and his emotional abuse is putting too much pressure on me that i really dont want to have my daughter to be part of it thats why im heading for divorce but he has killed part of ny self steem that i feel very scared of my decision.

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Jmamma Wed 20-Nov-19 06:50:15

Thank you for replying.

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Otter71 Fri 22-Nov-19 06:31:00

Have you contacted women's aid? They can be very helpful with abusive relationships like this. It does sound like he has been possibly having an affair since you went to see your family. Not good but you need to find a way out and save your sanity...

Jmamma Sun 24-Nov-19 07:44:05

Thank you @Otter71. I have been looking it up. I am trying to file for divorce but so nervous of making the big step. He has been gambling every day and coming home around 6 am and still telling me that i dont understand and that i see things differently of how they are. He hasnt done anything bad and karma will get me. He is trying to play around with my mind trying to make reality look different of what it really is. Ugh i feel awful plus i dont know where he was that night. He said he forgot his ring and things because he was too stress to even think about it... but he definitely knew if he forgot his ring or not. He loves rings and he always wore so he is very used to feeling them on his hand. He definitely left the things at home on purpose.

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