What to look for in a mediator?

[Pelagi]

I'm about to start mediation with soon-to-be-divorced husband and we have to choose a mediator. What should I look for/think about when choosing? It's about finances not children.

[wobytide]

One who is based at a reasonable location for you both to reach and one who is registered to mediate. Their job is to help guide you towards what may be a viable solution for you both that would satisfy a judge so it's more a case of whether they think you are both suitable for mediation

[Pelagi]

Thank you - what do you mean about being suitable for mediation? My solicitor suggested it and STBXH has agreed to it. What might make either of us unsuitable for mediation?

[FVFrog]

They will meet with you both separately first and make sure you are on the same page ie that you are both willing and agree to mediation and are motivated to amicably sort things out and that there are no issues around coercion or domestic violence. Make sure they are experienced, ours was a fair bit older than my STBXH and I with 20+ years of experience and I think this helped, especially when my ex was faced with the financial reality of what the split would mean for him in terms of what would be deemed reasonable by a judge in terms of ongoing maintenance.

[Pelagi]

Hmmm, I wonder whether we are suitable then. I'm quite worried about it because my H has always been very confident of being right about everything and I've never been good at trusting my own views in the face of this. He's also quite self-entitled, I think.

I've read that women tend to come out of mediation worse than men. In this case I'm the main earner (this was because H didn't really like his work, not due to him doing childcare - we both looked after the children and have a nanny). I'm just worried about what will happen.

Do you think any qualified mediator will be ok?