Hi
I am on the verge of separation and wanted to share as I feel I am going stir crazy.
I have 2 kids aged 16 and 19. Gave up work when DS was born to be a full time mum and after DD was born returned to work part time. Been married 22 years and during this time OH has always been very moody - going into moods for no reason/silent treatment/not talking, But I put up with it.
About 3 years ago OH found out about credit card debt that I had - all spent on the family not fancy clothes for me etc. He went ballistic - forced me to give up a job I loved and work full time - my debt my problem. He took my bank card and made me log everything I spent spreadsheets. I crumbled and went into a 8 month depression spending most of my non working time in bed. He did nothing to try to help this depression. I went through several jobs as I could not settle and finally I am in a job I like. I am over my depression and feel strong. He constantly checks my bank acct despite the fact I have a loan to pay off the debt. We went to counselling last year but it didnt help. All of my friends have said their husbands would have been raging but would have helped to repay the debt perhaps getting a loan out. I know I made a mistake but I have paid for it with my mental health often feeling suicidal at points. Meanwhile my DS was spiralling out of control and got into drugs and is going into residential rehab next week. I feel so guilty as I feel I took my eye off the ball with my kids.
Anyway current situation is that I have been called horrible names by my OH e.g. leech/basketcase - accused of being a bad parent and responsible for my DSs addiction. I know that I have been a great mum but he has my confidence in shreds. He shouts rather than talks and things have recently been unbearable so we are talking separation. I have contacted a womens aid type organisation and she says I have definitely been subject of emotional abuse.
I know I made a mistake with the debt but I didn't sleep with anyone! He made out it was the worst thing ever and he has held the family together.
He is now refusing to pay for shopping and I just want out. We have been through hell with my DS - paid off drug debt etc - a world I never thought I would see. He blames me for this. So DS goes into rehab next week and I hope to get away before he returns home. OH does not have a close relationship with either of the kids. DD is a star but has been pushed aside due to her brother's addiction and our marriage problems.
So enough is enough after a big argument last week he threatened to sell the house or get it repossessed which is an empty threat.
So I now definately know I deserve happiness and so do my kids. He said we can sit down and split the assets 50/50 but he will have a good pension so I know that I would be due more if I relinquish rights to his pension. He says he will play fair but doubt he will.
I am in bits about DS and his rehab and pray it works out. I long for my own home where I am not walking on eggshells - I even got a row for putting a loo roll in the recycling with paper still on it! OH thinks he helped me out of the debt but all he did was put me into a massive depression which is the worst feeling ever and took away my confidence.
So ladies any advice on how I should handle my controlling husband. He is now blanking me and normally I would try to make the peace but no more.
He has a good pension earns roughly 50k (I earn 20) and I would be due 22 years of his pension plus half of the equity in the house. I think he thinks I wont go through with this but I have had it - I need to get my life back for my son post rehab and DD.
Thanks for reading
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3 replies
Mummykins54 · 09/11/2019 17:18
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