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How do you share the kids. Does you ever get used to it?

(15 Posts)
MaryQ89 Sun 03-Nov-19 20:56:53

I’m week 4 in. His choice to leave. In 2 weeks he will have kids for an overnight. The holiday will come.

When you have kids you don’t tend to have them thinking that you will share them. How do you cope? Will I get used to it? I’m trying so hard to be positive but how do you ever get used to sharing them and not having them with you when you didn’t envisage them ever not been?

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PrettyPurse Sun 03-Nov-19 20:57:37

How old are they?

MaryQ89 Sun 03-Nov-19 20:58:37

*then holiday will come

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MaryQ89 Sun 03-Nov-19 20:59:28

6 and 11

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PrettyPurse Sun 03-Nov-19 21:00:00

When XH left, the first thing l instigated was EOW and half of all school holidays.

Not because l wanted rid but because being a single parent is bloody hard work and to be the best mum l can to them means l need time out too

elaeocarpus Sun 03-Nov-19 21:01:30

It does get easier with time. I focus on doing 'jobs' ( grocery shopping, diy, catch up with friends) or things kids don't enjoy when they are away, so when they come back i don't worry about these things getting done and focus on their stuff more.

PrettyPurse Sun 03-Nov-19 21:01:41

I really enjoy my 4 days a month that they are with their Dad.

I have a lie in, catch up on stuff around the house, see friends.

Basically you have to create your own separate life and enjoy it

squaresandsquares Sun 03-Nov-19 21:04:19

I was really anxious at first and be phoned me loads saying he couldn't cope and I would talk him through it.
Now he's ok.
He has them Tuesday night and Thursday nights then second week Tuesday night Friday to Monday morning.
I enjoy my time with out them. I nap and see friends, go out or stay in, exercise. Etc etc.
I am now used to it and can relax

squaresandsquares Sun 03-Nov-19 21:04:50

Mine are 4 and 7. And its been 2 years

lippy72 Sun 03-Nov-19 21:08:14

I've been going on 3 years now and to begin with I was so lost without them , slowly but surely I've come to enjoy my me time and build my social life again, be patient with yourself the first few times it will feel lonely so get some stuff in have a nice uninterrupted bath and a glass of something x

lanbro Sun 03-Nov-19 21:09:23

Mine are 6&7 and we share 50/50. I work longer hours the days I don't have them then shorter days when I do so I can do school runs. I love having them and do miss them when I don't but I also enjoy my adult time. I literally did everything for them 24/7 when I was married and it was exhausting. Xh and I have an amicable relationship so still have family days and I often see dc on his days so not like its zero contact. It works well for us all

MaryQ89 Sun 03-Nov-19 21:22:21

Thanks everyone. I just needed to hear positivity. I will sleep better tonight and I will try and plan to enjoy my me time x

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Emmerdaledramaqueen Sun 03-Nov-19 22:44:46

I'm early days like you. I am trying to fill my time with friends and doing things like shopping etc. That is much easier without children.
Great advice from others on here was treat and be kind to yourself.

Georgeandthemadcatsmummy Sun 17-Nov-19 08:02:18

Like everything, time makes things easier. Initially it can be very hard though. Especially if the kids are younger or are finding the split tough.

We started off by splitting the weekend as we lived close which worked well for a couple of years. Then we moved to full weekends but my DS would return to me on Sun evenings. Eventually we moved to full weekends. Plus one / two nights in the week.

In the beginning the split of time was approx 80/20 in my favour and is now closer to 55/45. We are amicable so we often spend time together or see each other briefly on days when it's not our turn.

The secret is to try and enjoy the time you're not with them by looking after yourself and getting things done that you'd have to do when they're with you. That way you free up all the time to spend with them when you have them, which is great for everyone.

Best of luck smile

stucknoue Sun 17-Nov-19 08:28:07

It's not easy, I'm struggling that he has the dog twice a week! (Kids are adults and refuse to stay over, he has to bribe them with meals out to see them or come here). But with time you'll get into a pattern and start to enjoy your time off, it will allow you space to have a new relationship too

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