Coming and going

[Emmerdaledramaqueen]

So separated 3 weeks ago. Still amenable for dds sake, we are still in the house and ex moved into a flat.
Today I am off work to get my head together a bit, run some errands and arrive back to Ex in the house, a bit gob-smacked really.
Dad likes to come home and ex picks her up from here while I'm at work so do t feel I can ask for key back but don't want him here unless picking up dd.
Looking for advice, what would you do?

[unicornsarereal72]

He is a guest now. He knocks and waits to be invited in. Do you have free reign over his place?

It is a very hard shift to change. At the beginning my ex thought he could come and go as he wished. I then would make him wait at the door and shoo the kids out with coats and shoes on. It must be difficult for them to be guests in the house they lived in. But if you moved to a new place he would not feel the same level of comfort as he does right now.

I don't know how you broach it moving forward. But I wouldn't be happy either.

[Emmerdaledramaqueen]

Thank you, some food for thought there.
I really need to think about how I broach the subject carefully, think I'll start by keeping the door locked when he comes to collect to stop that automatic entry and take it from there

[Otter71]

How old are the kids? My ex took the key off me but was fine for either teenage child to let me in sometimes but only with them. I had to knock to be let in...
Then DD thought it OK to give him a key to my rental place after he took keys off me on the house I still owned and he was coming around at lunchtime, without warning... Double standards? You bet!
When I kicked off about that he started refusing to drop her off even if passing. You will be fine but may have to be strong...

[Mylifestartstoday]

I kept the door locked until he realised he now had to knock. It must be strange but, while he part owns the house, it’s no longer his home.

[Emmerdaledramaqueen]

Thank you, have taken to keeping the key in the doors when I'm at home. And checking the usage in the smart meter as I am sure he is over when I'm not here!
Next deep breath and ask how we are going to manage dd, I'm sure she'd be as happy at his for the few hours after school.
Sounds fine in my head-wish me luck

[unicornsarereal72]

@Emmerdaledramaqueen Kid need routine. And to know when and where they are seeing their dparent again.

This is the line I took. Ex tried an ad hoc basis. Saying work was unpredictable. After a few weeks I binned it. And we went into every other weekend routine. And if he cancelled he missed out. He found it harsh and told me so. But we have the routine firmly in place now and this helps to reduce my contact with him which helped me cope better day to day.

[Emmerdaledramaqueen]

This is my thinking, currently he seems to have all the control. I am aiming to meet to discuss arranging same days each week so we all know what we are doing.
My heels are firmly planted!!