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Advice please - contact for one year old

(7 Posts)
OneTimeOnly19 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:01:13

Wondering if I could get some advice.

What would be the best contact arrangement for a 1yr old. She is breastfed and currently still cosleeps. We live 90mins from her dad who to this current day hasn't looked after her alone for longer than an hour and only sees her once a week on a saturday, sometimes a Sunday (all his choice). At some point overnights but I'd like to a build up to this and b to do this after she is weaned (if she hasn't self weaned by 18 months I'll do parent led weaning). So right now how would you build up to full days when she doesn't see her dad often? 3 hours one weekend and then add an hour on?

OP’s posts: |
Windydaysuponus Fri 18-Oct-19 21:05:08

Why are you thinking of offering more if he isn't that bothered now?

OneTimeOnly19 Sat 19-Oct-19 09:06:36

@Windydaysuponus the pattern we currently have is one that we fell into and the ex hasn't asked about more contact and is now asking for overnights and wants them to start straight away. It is completely out the blue last weekend he wouldn't even come down on the Sunday to take her out for a few hours because I refused to be there too and yesterday he said he'd like her over for a full weekend. While at some point she should go overnight I think we need up build up the contact first and also get her dad up understand the needs of Small child. I had suggested starting and 2/3 hours on the Saturday and Sunday and building up from there just because she doesn't see him at all during the week.. not a phone call or FaceTime. So was wondering if it's a good starting point.

Not bothered if it's a good starting point for me or the ex just want to make sure DD is happy and that she isn't just thrown into 48 hrs away from the place she recognises as home.

OP’s posts: |
Starlight456 Sat 19-Oct-19 09:12:15

At one you can increase by more than an hour but from virtually no contact to full weekend is no way . I would also suspect a girlfriend in this situation . It is often when they get involved contact is changed .

Phone calls and FaceTime are pointless for a one year old .

ShitOnIt78 Sat 19-Oct-19 09:18:04

Might be worth getting legal advice OP. Work colleague in very similar situation, her son is 14 months and dad came out of the woodwork and asked for increased contact. Court approved EOW and every Thursday night- he too was breastfed but as over 12 months this wasn't enough to say no to overnights sad

OneTimeOnly19 Sat 19-Oct-19 10:50:53

@ShitOnIt78 did they not work up to overnights?

@Starlight456 thanks for this info.. the more time he can just spend looking after DD the easier it'll be for her. I also don't suspect a girlfriend as he is still trying to get me back

OP’s posts: |
allhalekale Sat 19-Oct-19 21:59:49

Hi OP for me I broke up with my ex when my dd was 11 months and it was a similar situation he'd never really looked after her for more than an hour alone (and that was only once). There was no way I was going to hand her over for overnights when she was so young and didn't really know who he blooming was!! He was basically a sperm donor.

She's just turned two and we've been building up to her dad having her alone for a year. He first did longer stretches with her in the day. Then did bedtime at my house without me. Then did overnights at my house without me (I stayed at my parents down the road). Just tonight actually she's staying at my mil's with him without me and at Xmas I've agreed a longer 3 nights without me (dreading it). Dd has responded well and doesn't have any confidence issues as far as I can tell.

I guess I just wanted to say you are being sensible wanting to build this up gradually.

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