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Think my marriage is over and I'm heart broken ke

(9 Posts)
failingatlife Fri 18-Oct-19 00:44:05

Dont really know what I want from this thread except maybe some hand holding. After 20 yrs of marriage I think it's time to call it a day but it's so fucking hard to do.

My dh was an amazing man, love of my life. Sadly he was diagnosed with MS 4 yrs onto our marriage at age of 29. Been a hard slog, ds 1 was 11 mths when DH was diagnosed. We then had b/g twins when ds was. His s health was OK at that point but be under 3 isnot easy for anyone. Had our ups and downs like any couple

OP’s posts: |
Sadiesnakes Fri 18-Oct-19 00:53:40

Eh? Can you be more specific as to why it's over?

failingatlife Fri 18-Oct-19 01:44:34

Sorry posted too soon then lost my 2nd post. I feel like he hates me. There is so much resentment because im fit and healthy and he can barely leave the house. A happy marriage is now bitter and full of resentment. I just can't do it anymore. But how can I leave. He relies on me for almost everything now, I cant abandon him but not sure ican can't do this any more. We have 3 teens too and need to put yhrme;

OP’s posts: |
failingatlife Fri 18-Oct-19 01:50:54

Them 1st. Just so down hearted about it all and can't see a way through.

OP’s posts: |
PicsInRed Fri 18-Oct-19 07:55:41

His disability is not an excuse to abuse you.
I would sit down with him and give him an ultimatum, either he engage with counselling services (should be some available through ms association?) and stop using you as a scapegoat immediately, or the marriage is over.

PurpleWithRed Fri 18-Oct-19 07:59:45

What PicsInRed said. How does his attitude affect the kids?

richteasandcheese Fri 18-Oct-19 19:38:32

MS can unfortunately leave people very bitter and twisted. That's not a reason for you to live in misery though

stucknoue Fri 18-Oct-19 20:16:31

It's really hard. You need to sit down and ask him what he wants to do. Perhaps he wants to split to, maybe he needs better mental health support and you can work things out, perhaps he could allow you to have an open marriage even, it works for some people in your circumstances

Winona45 Sun 20-Oct-19 17:59:42

Im on the same situation OP.
My dh hasn't worked for 15 year's, is registered disabled with a chronic illness and reliant on me.
He then developed severe mental health problems as well. He was always so negative and paranoid about everything.
I could not do it anymore. I was so unhappy and so lonely. Always doing everything alone while happy couples were all around me. It was me that was bitter and resentful.

So in oily i asked him to leave. He went to his mother's and has been there since.
The guilt is immense. Hes struggling, im struggling. His behaviour toward the children's and some of the things he's said to me have been terrible.
I feel utterly responsible for how terrible he feels and after a lifetime of looking after him i cannot switch off.

I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not? I seem to have got rid of living with his paranoia and negativity but swapped it with crippling guilt.

Make sure you are absolutely sure its the right thing op.
Im sorry i cant give you a more happy ending im still waiting for mine. sad

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