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Divorce/bought off

(17 Posts)
BellaPuppy Tue 15-Oct-19 19:37:05

Hi everyone, me and my husband of 1 year 2 months (been together for 6 years) are separating due to his lack of intimacy, affection and not able to communicate any more. I have two children who we have lived all together continuous in the Last 6 years via my rented houses. although biologically they are not his. They don’t have regular access to their real dad as he moved abroad many years ago. We live in a family home he bought that we chose together just months before marrying. He insisted he put the house in his name only as he was paying the mortgage as he is a high earner. He didn’t want me named on the bills either for same reason he said. I found all this very strange but went with it... so fast forward and he’s completely changed. He won’t talk and just shuts down when I try and discuss anything of any importance. He pretended to forget our first wedding anniversary - well he didn’t do anything or say happy anniversary. I was really upset by this inside but expected it somehow. So fast forward and I confronted him again this time saying we will have to split up if he can’t communicate with me and he just said split up then. One week later and he’s offered me £10K and all the furniture in the house apart from the main large tv and the newest sofa we have. He’s expecting me to move out and rent somewhere. I was shocked at being offered this. And offended. I’m supposed to rent a place with rents round here average if £750 for a small 2bed and I have two children 7&9 years old. I’ve got an appointment next week but he wants me to take the money friday. Can anyone offer any advice on this? Thank you 🙏🏻 im self employed and run a small business

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BellaPuppy Tue 15-Oct-19 19:40:20

Just to add last night it must have been sinking in while sleeping as I woke up at 5.30am crying. We are in separate bedrooms thankfully.

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MairzyDoats Tue 15-Oct-19 19:44:46

I don't know how much you'd be entitled to but it will definitely be more than 10k. It doesn't matter that it's only his name on the deeds, the fact that you're married means that any financial settlement has to be fair to both of you. Please don't accept his offer, you need to see a solicitor who will talk you through what you can expect. He's being a knob BTW.

MairzyDoats Tue 15-Oct-19 19:45:45

Maybe see if you can get this thread moved to the relationships board too. Lots of very knowledgeable people there.

BellaPuppy Tue 15-Oct-19 19:50:58

Thank you I will see if I can copy it there x

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BellaPuppy Tue 15-Oct-19 19:52:39

Thanks for responding, I think he’s chancing his luck but the last time we had a huge bust up and left us in a forest I went and got home rights registered so at least he can’t kick us out like he’s threatened to in the past...

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Bubbles121 Tue 15-Oct-19 20:11:05

Hi OP I would be careful about separating at this stage - I'm not a solicitor or have any in depth knowledge of the law but I do think there is something disadvantageous about short marriages and the division of assets - I'm sure a family solicitor will be along shortly with more info on this point though.

Sounds like a worrying situation for you. We don't have enough information here to advise you on whether £10k is reasonable. Things that are relevant:

- how much equity is in the house?
- did you contribute anything to the deposit for the house?
- have you paid anything towards the costs of the house?

The house hasn't been owned that long, so it is quite possible that there has been little to no capital growth.

The marriage has been very short.

You have continued to work in self-employment during the marriage.

Your husband has no financial obligation to your children.

A reasonable starting point for a court is therefore likely to be to return you both to a similar position as you were in without the marriage. So, if the deposit and all the payments to the house came from him, and you can't show a meaningful financial contribution, then £10k out of a very limited amount of equity could be eminently reasonable. Or it might not - only a solicitor can advise you, based on the facts of your case.

Certainly, you should not expect a marriage of only a year to mean that you can now walk off with half of his assets, or to have him support you into the future. It sounds as though @Bubbles121 is advising you to stay with him until you can be sure of being entitled to a much larger share of his assets - setting aside the fact that this would be morally reprehensible, it would take years before a court decided that this was no longer a short marriage.

Inliverpool1 Wed 16-Oct-19 09:37:57

He’s under no obligation to the children that aren’t his so you’ll be treated like a single women who’s not been married very long.
You should get 50% of everything though acquired during the relationship. If he claims the deposit came from him well he couldn’t have saved the deposit without you contributing to his bills etc so he can forget that line of thought

Bubbles121 Wed 16-Oct-19 21:17:54

No @SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad I am not recommending morally reprehensible behaviour. I'm warning the OP that she should be very clear that she wishes to separate and pursue divorce, once she is aware of all the facts. To clarify, as they were a couple for six years and bought the house together (but decided to put it into his name only) I'm not sure how it is morally his asset solely? Interesting that there is no questioning on his own devious behaviour here...?

And the answer to the question, btw, is usually five years.

BellaPuppy Wed 16-Oct-19 23:07:36

Thanks @Bubbles121 I too feel that his behaviour has been underhand in making everything in his name only and we have no joint accounts or anything... it feels very planned!

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BellaPuppy Tue 22-Oct-19 22:42:16

So I've seen the solicitor who assured me not to take the offer from him and to stay put and to get divorce proceedings underway this week. The costs are huge literally 1000 on account up front but I feel it's unavoidable as he can not communicate without anger... all his valuables are disappearing daily from the home by him, not me I must add! and I'm just hoping I can cope being in the same house when he gets the letter this week from my solicitor. I don't think he will ever see it's better to settle before going down this road.

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Dacquoise Thu 24-Oct-19 15:32:39

My advice Bella to have a one off conference with a Barrister to get a better idea of where this would go in court. They deal with the judges everyday and have a good idea what slant the regional court takes. It's not a straightforward case. Mine cost £600 in London. I wasted a lot of money on admin. through a solicitor.

Ss770640 Thu 24-Oct-19 17:43:11

Not enough details here about money and equity.

BellaPuppy Wed 20-Nov-19 23:44:59

Whilst my solicitor had drawn up the divorce documents and submitted them the other day - delayed as we awaited financial info from the accountant, it turned out he filed for one direct himself to divorce me, a month ago and today I had to read the lies he made up about me - he put all the reasons I told him why I was divorcing him. Today was upsetting. To feel screwed over when it was me that wanted the divorce and going through all the right channels. As soon as he knew I was divorcing him he filed his online. Just like that.

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HollyIvy89 Thu 21-Nov-19 09:17:05

You are going to be well rid of this man. You and your children to not have his influence in your life’s. Sit tight and listen to your solicitor. I may be wrong but surely it doesn’t matter who files for divorce, the financial settlement will be separate to those reasons?

gemh1984 Thu 21-Nov-19 10:41:07

My ex was exactly the same - there is no way he would let it be me divorcing him, it had to be him divorcing me. Ridiculous men - well rid.

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