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What is reasonable for ex DH to take from the house?

(22 Posts)
Winona45 Mon 14-Oct-19 16:06:18

Exdh and i separated 15 weeks ago. He hasnt worked for the last 15 year's and i supported him.
We're now on the middle of a horrific separation instigated by me.
Im devastated but cant carry on with no life anymore.

He's taken it badly and moved back to his mother's as he has no job but plans to rent somewhere with the help of the local council apparently. He's registered disabled and is now in receipt of benefits as a single person.

He has text me today with a list of things he wants from the house. Including the TV, the stereo, all the old furniture ( kids beds ) etc in the garage.
Half the xmas decorations hmm half the linens, obviously all his personal items and clothes. The garden chairs, umbrellas etc. Basically anything else gifted or given to us by his family .
I understand he has to start again and is hurt by me, but is this the norm ?
Is this fair?

OP’s posts: |
0lga Mon 14-Oct-19 16:09:17

Were you legally married for 15 years ? If so, then he’s entitled to half of the marital assets accrued during that time . That includes property, furniture, pensions, savings , life insurance etc.

It’s irrelevant who earned more.

DriftingLeaves Mon 14-Oct-19 16:11:36

He has no entitlement to the kids' beds.They need them there.

He's having a laugh - tell him to see a solicitor and good luck with that.

Annasgirl Mon 14-Oct-19 16:12:49

Yes as the other person said, he is entitled to half of everything - even if you are the higher earner. If he is going to get difficult, get your solicitor involved and have a list countersigned so there are no arguments.

Annasgirl Mon 14-Oct-19 16:13:52

@DriftingLeaves I think from the OP that the beds are old ones in the garage?

SleepingStandingUp Mon 14-Oct-19 16:18:52

Was the TV, stereo and the kids old beds all brought by his family? If so I'd tell him to collect them.
Re Christmas Dec's, linen etc. presumably they were brought with family money? I'd tell him you're not going to go through every cupboard and split it all in half because he's hurting, but you'll comply with any decisions made through the divorce.
He just wants to be awkward to make life hard becaise he's hurting so I'd try and find a line making your life less stressful

AmIThough Mon 14-Oct-19 16:20:38

No he's not entitled to the things his family bought plus half of everything else.
He's entitled to half of everything.

They were bough for you as a family so make a formal note of anything he takes and the value of it.

Winona45 Mon 14-Oct-19 16:24:26

Well actually although i refer to him as DH we weren't married. We lived together for 20 year's, i supoorted him for 15.
Honestly he can just take the stuff. And yes i meant the old spare beds in the garage.

OP’s posts: |
BigFatLiar Mon 14-Oct-19 16:57:44

Not being married may make a big difference. Best see a solicitor.

hairtoss Mon 14-Oct-19 19:39:33

Non-married people don't have any or many rights. See a solicitor.
I would let him take some of the shared thing from the house personally.
I probably wouldn't give him any money in the divorce though #stonecold grin

DelphiniumBlue Mon 14-Oct-19 19:49:26

Can you afford to be magnanimous? If so, let him have what he wants ( but only if you can afford to replace essentials). Is it really any skin off your nose to let him have the old stuff in the garage? Let him have some ( not necessarily half) of what he's really not a problem to replace Xmas decorations and so on, you might actually prefer things that don't remind you of him.
And if you're not married, it's very unlikely he has any claim on your assets - the only circumstances I can think of are if he helped increase the value, for example by extending the house.
But you're going to want him to have somewhere he can take the children to stay, somewhere they will feel comfortable. Now is not the time to be petty.

HeyNotInMyName Mon 14-Oct-19 19:50:09

I don’t know what. Is ok or not legally.
But I can see his point too want to keep the things given by his side of the family.
I would.

DelphiniumBlue Mon 14-Oct-19 19:54:15

Of course bearing in mind he doesn't actually have a home to put all this garden furniture etc in, he's being difficult. It's all theoretical anyw ay, isn't it? On the other hand, it's not nice for the dc to see their home being dismantled.
It all depends on your finances.

Winona45 Mon 14-Oct-19 19:55:17

Yes i think you're right i would rather not be petty.
Friends have expressed disbelief that he wants the TV mainly but im going to just let it go i think.

Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
pikapikachu Mon 14-Oct-19 19:55:48

As an unmarried SAHP he's not entitled to anything bar Child Maintenance from you and possibly half of assets like house if he's on the feeds.

Personally I'd happily give him the old furniture, his clothes and personal belongings. Is there anything that needs upgrading like the TV? If so you could give him the old one (although you don't have to)
Christmas decs and linens 😂 you could sort out a selection of the stuff that you don't use often/don't like if you're feeling generous?

He is not entitled to the stuff that his family gifted you as a couple. Gifts are gifts and expensive things (say a house deposit) would have been protected with a contract of some sort.

HeyNotInMyName Mon 14-Oct-19 20:01:23

It depends on the age of. The dcs too.

Eg if he takes the tv and it means they won’t be able to watch tv for a few months before you can replace it.

Some stuff isn’t yours or his but is the family’s and I think dc have to be taken into account then (and given priority).
This means the spare beds in the garage should go to him so he can have his dcs overnight.

HeyNotInMyName Mon 14-Oct-19 20:07:28

He is not entitled to gifts given to you as a couple by his family

Hmm I would disagree. First if it’s a gift to the couple, he is entitled to half of it.
But also if my family gives us something (eg our dinning table), it was given to me. Not the couple. Even if the use of it was for the family.

HollowTalk Mon 14-Oct-19 21:40:37

It's a bit much of him to be totally dependent on you for 15 years and to then say that a garden chair given to the family by his mother belongs to him alone.

Is he referring to a TV which you bought, or which his family bought?

I'd let him have things from the garage but I'd be fucked if he'd take anything from the house that I'd worked for.

waterSpider Mon 14-Oct-19 21:47:57

Disabled single people are one of the few groups able to get into council housing, and sometimes at short notice (depends a lot on the area where you live).

To be honest his requests sounds reasonable. Maybe not everything at once, if you need time to replace important things. Though could be easier to just "get shot" of all the stuff!

My ex- didn't want me to take ANY furniture. Two years later she moaned that she had all the old stuff and I had new stuff!

HeyNotInMyName Tue 15-Oct-19 08:03:39

@HollowTalk, you can have a look at it another way.
2 people, not married. The woman has been a SAHM for the last 15 years and they get divorced. The house is on the name of the guy. She will get nothing despite having lived there for 15 years and ‘used’ the house.
How is that different than garden furniture??

Plus, at least for me, there is an emotional side to it because things will have been chosen by someone from my family with me in mind. For me, the dining table is a good example of this. It could well be that the garden furniture has been chosen to it works for him with his disability for example. Or given by someone really close to him.

Winona45 Tue 15-Oct-19 09:14:15

Yes the garden furniture was originally his fathers who passed away.
Ive thought about it and i think his requests are reasonable. I asked him to leave the home . He just wants his things.

OP’s posts: |
Weepingwillows12 Tue 15-Oct-19 09:20:15

If he cant work then he is going to struggle to replace with new things so I think here I would allow most of his requests especially if they were gifted by family. If he is taling things purely from spite then that's a different story. If you have kids then staying amicable and doing the right thing are important, although not always easy or achievable.

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