Separating and divorcing whilst living in the same house?

[richteasandcheese]

Is it doable? Has anyone here done it? Can we start divorce proceedings and still be living in the same house?

[Singlenotsingle]

Yes you can. Nothing in law says you have to be living separately.

[Ginger1982]

Legally of course you can. Emotionally you might find it very difficult depending on the reasons for the split.

[elaeocarpus]

Yes you can do it, started and completed it all under same roof (2 years 😭)as i couldn't afford to move out and still cover half mortgage.
It is doable, but god it is so very, very hard emotionally, mentally etc. You have no place to get away from it all and relax ever.

[Grammarist]

How do you do it? We're in the same house/same bedroom as there's nowhere to go. I hate him!

[fllinn]

You can start proceedings in the same house. Took me and ex-h a few months to sort things financially. He slept on the sofa until he moved out. It was awkward but we were on speaking terms (mutual 'we're just not meant to be together' split, no drama). Other people may find it more weird but you don't have to speak about it or justify anything.

[richteasandcheese]

We are going to sort seperate rooms - he made an attempt at an amorous advance this morning which is fucking hilarious as it's only the second time in nearly 5 years, and he chooses to do it when we are separating!

Did you do seperate washing/cooking etc? We are on speaking terms thankfully

[maternityleave234]

Have you thought about what would happen if either of you met anyone?
I met my now DH when he was in this position, things then took a turn for the worse and he moved out pretty sharpish, something to consider.

[BlackTulip71]

This is my situation right now and it’s so difficult. My situation is is that I’m trying to start divorce only he won’t cooperate. Refused mediation and told me take him to court.

Made a c100 and financial court application. Have a first child hearing but they more or less through us out of court as we were still living in house. The court order was withdrawn. Said as we were still living as a family unit. What a joke. Cafcass officer was rubbish. Completely disregarded what I told her. And she recommended it was withdrawn and the judge deemed it as a premature application.

So I’m saying yes you can separate if you are still living together but it is very hard if the other person won’t cooperate.

Luckily for me we have a spare room. I finally moved into it and life is so much better.

[alwaysmovingforwards]

If the separation is mutual and living together short term is necessary, then it's doable - just treat chores / washing / meals like a house share.

If it's a hostile environment then best one of you moves out to friends / family until it's sorted.

[Kevintheminion]

Following as living through this at the moment. Like others, our split is relatively amicable though it's my choice for lots of reasons. I was going to move out but, on the advice of my solicitor, I have chosen to stay in the marital home as I am buying him out and to do this we need to sell another jointly owned property which has been on the market since August without a sniff of a sale....I find it emotionally draining living in the same house. I still do all the chores and we eat separately so not that much change for the children. I hate weekends and I try to make plans for the weekend evenings when the children are in bed. Agree there is no place to escape at the moment and being at home is about as relaxing as a war zone at present....

[iamthrough]

Yes you can certainly do it and many people do. I continued to live with my now EXH for 10 months while we sorted divorce and sale of joint home.
To be frank it was hell - and we were relatively amicable. We tried to live our lives as separately as possible, although I continued to do the vast majority of the household chores - just the way it worked out but I did become resentful about that.

It probably is the most financially sensible option though for lots of couples going through separation - and if you jointly own the home you're both legally allowed to stay there.
On a practical level I would say make sure you separate your day to day finances ASAP create new separate current accounts and then pay an agreed amount each into a joint account for bills etc.
Emotionally - try to arrange separate sleeping arrangements ASAP - even if you have to put a bed in the living room. Try to get out and about as much as possible - plan drinks with friends - days out with kids whatever works for you.
You will get through it - and just remember it is a temporary situation.

[ExcitedForFuture]

I did this. It was hard work and I hated it and we were usually amicable although there were a few moments. I filed pretty much straight away and went back to my maiden name, all whilst we were still living together.

He was already sleeping on the sofa so that didn't change. I still did all the cooking and washing, he did the shopping. I got resentful of this and he got shitty the times he got back from work and me and the kids had already eaten without me having done some for him too. I decided I was fed up cleaning and stopped bothering as much. He then wanted a rota as he did it a few times and decided it wasn't fair. He also rarely went out so I used to spend most of my time in my bedroom, which he used to just walk into until a few conversations were had about how he should knock. He thought we should carry on as normal, me sitting down with him in the evenings. I went out as much as I could.

I met someone else. That was difficult to manage. I denied it to ex at first (we had already discussed we were free to date) but later said I was.

I was so relieved when it was over.

[Sally2791]

I did this for a long time. Didn’t realise until I was out and in my own safe space how awful it had been Can be done but best to crack on with the divorce asap

[Alwaysbeensinglemother]

My situation is that unfortunately we own 2 flats which was converted from one house with both our names on mortgage. He lives upstairs in one bed and I live downstairs. We have 4 children my 18 yr old and 10 yr old girls sleep upstairs and my 8 yr old girl sleeps with me in my flat, as well as my 16 yr old son who has his own room in my flat. I never loved the dad and only married him to cover shame for my irish mum having my first child out of marriage. He subjected me to domestic abuse since since I was 20 everything except physical. He wasted £335000 by raised mortgages and his personal loans. He has minus £1600 in his account now even though he earns £64000 a year. Even now his monthly loan repayments are £460. He never spent money on us or our house. We bought house in Ireland n lived there 3 years n came back to uk. He stopped paying Irish mortgage in 2006 n left my parents to pay it who lost £80,000 after it was sold last yr . I got him to a solicitor to sign agreeing that the sale of house proceeds would go to my parents part payment for money loaned by them. He is refusing to pay them back saying no financial agreement was in place. He never paid mortgage off our flats for the last 20 years and kept taking out loans n has nothing to show for them. My young sister died 7 years ago and I disclaimed her inheritance to my parents along with my siblings in 2015. My parents spent £70,000 to do up both our flats in 2016. I had 14 cowboy builders n my husband sided with one sgainst me. He is now upstairs in the newly refurbished flat and won’t pay me back money spent on it. Worse still we had our first court hearing and he wants half of my sisters money. He has turned the kids against me and behaves like a lodger in the house. He leaves me to do everything with them and hides behind the house as if he lived away from us the kids wd notice more of what he is not doing with them. My son is tall and very abusive to me and the dad listens upstairs. I had to call police and there is a family support worker looking in. My son is angry as the dad never bothers with him yet I get all the abuse. I found out my husband has 2 kids by 2 other women and one was 7 months pregnant n only 16 when I met him. He never told me. I told my son abt these boys in 2015 only because they hang around with his cousins in Ireland and I didn’t want him being the last to know. In court the judge let him off with my parents money and told me they have to sue him themselves. I had 2 solicitors that ripped me off so I represented myself last time. I told the judge abt domestic abuse n she didn’t want to know. The court ordered me to let him know why I signed over my sisters money by 15 October just 3 days time. I badly need a solicitor to fight for me as I have all evidence of his loans he took out. I was devastated at last hearing and he literally skipped out of court he was that elated. I had to be signed off work for 2 weeks as I was so distressed. This man was horrible to me as my sister died with cancer and had no respect for her or my parents ever. My mum says she will go to jail rather than give him the money and my fear is the judge cd put him downstairs and me upstairs after me doing all the hard work to do up the flats. My whole body is aching with pain every day caused by the stress of him. I fear he is a gambler as he earns £1000 a week after tax and never has a penny. Please can someone direct me to a good solicitor in London as time is running out and I don’t want to take any chances going in alone. We are thinking of my parents suing him online for the money - he never did sign any agreement for money loaned from them only that paper in the solicitors acknowledging there was a loan. The next hearing may be January. I’m scared that the judge cd ask kids who do they want to live with n if majority say him then I cd be put out of both flats. Even if judge let’s me stay downstairs and him upstairs will I ever have peace having him so close. He has really damaged the kids as I wanted to give him upstairs and work together to bring up kids. I have never been so unfortunate- he has no looks no money no personality no class no manners - I was bullied when I was a teenager and had very low self esteem that’s why I ended up with him. He wouldn’t let me keep my baby when I was 23 and that’s why I had 4. I have really and still am suffering terribly by this man. I wd welcome any advice thanks for reading

[Palaver1]

I can only give you a hug this is so much to bear but you will get through this.
Why don’t you set up your own thread

[Alwaysbeensinglemother]

Thanks Palaver so nice of you to comment - how do I set up my own thread sorry I am not very technical 🙂thanks & God Bless you x

[stucknoue]

We managed 7 months, he's moving out as a type. It's doable but depends on your relationship, having a large house helped

[stucknoue]

@ExcitedForFuture love your user name. I'm excited and scared in equal measures. Big date on Wednesday

[ExcitedForFuture]

Thanks @stucknoue. I felt it appropriate as I am very excited for the future and haven't felt this alive in years.

Good luck with your date! I'm having a great time and still dating the man I started seeing whilst ex and I lived together. All going very well.

[Lightning2201]

I am currently divorcing my husband while living in the same house. We have 2 kids both doing exams next year. I didn't want them living in a war zone but he's refusing to move out.

He's taken money out of our account but says he can't afford to go anywhere else. We did our mediation and we have to stay like this till we can sell the house next summer.

He is a controlling narcissist who has emotionally abused me for years. There is nothing I can do because I don't earn enough and yet I have to continue living like this. Everyone can see I've done the right thing by the kids, except him. He didn't want our marriage to end so it's all my fault.

Thank god for the support of my family and friends and trying to escape the house as much as possible.

I long for my own place with my kids and to be happy and away from him. I want to find someone that treats with me the love and respect I deserve. The system lets us down when we want to make changes but can't afford too. Celebrities can divorce all the time because they have the money to do so!

I wish everyone well that is going through this process. It is horrible but thank goodness we had the courage to do it for ourselves, our kids and most importantly our sanity. Good luck and remember, only we can change our futures.

[atr79gb]

I originally filed for divorce based on unreasonable behaviour but am considering a separation divorce to make things less acrimonious and bitter (my wife refused to sign the unreasonable behaviour divorce papers).

We've been living as housemates for the last 14 months. Reading up on the criteria for what constitutes grounds for a separation divorce, we should be OK as we're already living separate lives.

I set up a sole bank account in my own name immediately after the separation whilst my wife has continued to use the joint bank account.

Is this likely to be a problem? Would we have to start the 2 year separation period from the moment when we have completely separate bank accounts?

[AdelleLM]

Yes you can live together still but I think if you are using unreasonable behaviour as a reason you can only live together for six months after the last incident.

[Louise000000]

Currently doing this too.
We haven't shared a bed for years so that didn't have to be changed. He works away most of the week too so I'm hoping this is more doable for us.
Not sure I'd manage if he was home every evening.
We do have a back extention en suite where his brother rents (own door too)
I suggested we give his brother notice to move out by next year and do it up and use it as a room we can both use on our off days etc (a wee room to go and chill in on my ipad with and cup of tea and no kids sounds amazing to me)
But he's not up for it so we are trying this all in the main bit of our house.

I did bring up and am hypothetical what if one of us met someone question last night. Involving kids is years and yeas down the line I'm talking am talking about anything much more casual that may arise. Anyway I didn't get much of an answer on that either so may ask again in a few months time

[Louise000000]

Urgg excuse the typos !!

[ExcitedForFuture]

@Louise000000 you are separated. You don't need his permission to date. Tough if he doesn't like it. You gave an alternative which he wouldn't accept, he wants to stay in the same house so tough shit. I'd just get on with my life. In fact I did. We split, ex wanted to take some time to save (even though potential splitting conversations had been had 6 months before, he made no provisions for it becoming a reality), I didn't want to put my life on hold so I dated whilst he still lived here. I didn't specify although he guessed and I eventually told him. I had the conversation early on that he was free to date and owed me no loyalty. He didn't say the same back though.