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Anyone got tips on managing contact when ex struggles to parent?

(4 Posts)
Randomsunshineovermull Thu 03-Oct-19 13:52:42

Hoping someone can offer a bit of support, marriage been over for ages, he’s finally moving out next week, he’s worried about contact etc I want him involved as much as possible with DDs as they adore him, he’s not a bad person, it a mostly amicable split (other than he doesn’t want to split).
The trouble I have is that I suspect he’s autistic and occasionally he makes dubious parenting decisions I think mainly stemming from an inability to remember our children are young and don’t act/think as mini adults so example of this - when they were younger not thinking about getting them out of the car, leaving toddler on pavement while going round to get the other child out of the car. Or from practical things interrupting his plan, so turning up early at school and instead of waiting for the gates to be unlocked went into the school and took daughter to her class, bypassing all signing in procedures etc, when challenged on this said ok I’ll leave then. (That probably makes no sense, it was just a weird thing to do). There are other examples.
My concern is him having contact with our kids, I know most of the time it’ll be fine but that something will happen from time to time and he won’t deal with it responsibly. How do I keep a relationship between him and DDs but also address that they aren’t always safe with him? Anybody have any advice? Been through similar?

OP’s posts: |
Hulahoopqueen Thu 03-Oct-19 13:56:17

I would record the instances you can recall of him acting in a way which might have potentially caused danger to your children. Then go through solicitors to get supervised access until he can prove he’s acting safely with them (the leaving the toddler on the pavement example made me shudder)

Hulahoopqueen Thu 03-Oct-19 13:57:37

^^though I suppose this depends how old the children are - if they’re of an age where they can be quite independent then this would change things

Randomsunshineovermull Thu 03-Oct-19 14:02:29

I’ve got a list of such incidents, they are few but really concerning, DDs are 5 and 8 with special needs so I’m not confident they are yet ready to be the sensible voice or look after themselves. But my worry about supervised contact is what that does to their relationship, I obviously understand DDs safety has to be a priority but how do I balance that with them spending time with the dad who adores them and they adore?

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