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How did you move on and live your life after divorce?

(15 Posts)
BrigidOShaughnessy Thu 26-Sep-19 09:32:03

I don't ask the question from the emotional fall-out point of view, that's obviously horrendous and it will take time to heal, I mean from the practicalities of living life after the settlement point of view.

I work largely from home and we live near to London. My settlement buys me a 2 bed flat, one for me and one for DS doing A'levels and a sofa bed in the lounge for our DD at uni. I have no family but I'd be near to dear girlfriends who've been my support during the divorce, there's no space for my work so I'd have to change my work and move back into bread and butter stressful stuff I used to do, as I can't afford to rent a space round here as it's really pricey. OR I move away from here and away from friends and DC's friends, where I can afford a workshop, have enough rooms for DCs and a garden for DG (darling dog).

I'm so torn. I guess work tends to dictate everything, but this is not a usual scenario. I need the support and companionship of my friends and the DCs are likely to want to live with me, as much as my OH, if I stay local and are far less likely to want to hang with me if I'm in the sticks. But to stay around here means a rethink of work and losing the freelance side of life and moving back into what I see at the rat-race.

I'd really like to hear your (hopefully positive) stories of starting again, what changes you made, how you moved on and made a go of your new life.

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GoldenEvilHoor Thu 26-Sep-19 09:35:59

I have not managed to move on at all. Due to the stigma of being divorced I cannot mix with people and neither can my DC.

If you are near London things will work out great. You will have your friends, you will make new friends. You can take up new things. You will, eventually, have a really rich and fulfilling life. You will flowers

GoldenEvilHoor Fri 27-Sep-19 09:36:06

I am just bumping this for you because my reply is so negative and I think you should be getting heaps of positive replies from people who are having a great time and have it all sorted flowers

I know nothing current about life in a populated area so I can't provide any sensible advice.

mostlydrinkstea Fri 27-Sep-19 11:16:48

Its a tricky one. Don't underestimate how important the support network is and how stressful moving can be. Can you view this decision on a shorter timescale? The second bedroom can become the workshop when all the children have gone to uni and are just popping back. Then you are reframing the move out of freelance work as temporary rather than a bit scary forever thing.

iamthrough Fri 27-Sep-19 11:24:42

Hi, I'm 2 years down the line of separation - actually been living alone for about 1 year.
I have to say I'm loving life now smile Going through a divorce is horrid and I'm sure those scars will take time to heal however I wake up everyday without regrets and am looking forward to creating a new life for myself. I have my kids 50% of the time - it seems to be working for us and I am learning to enjoy the 50% when they are not here and I'm a true singleton!
I also work from home - and I must admit it is hard when the kids aren't here as, if didn't make myself go out during this time I literally wouldn't see anyone!! A friend of mine suggested the "meet ups" website and I've joined a few groups on there which has been great. I also exercise regularly and still manage to see a lot of my friends - you certainly learn who your true friends are going through this!! I've also recently dipped my toe in the water of on-line dating which is both terrifying and exciting!
With regards your debate about where to live - only you will be able to work that one out and there will be compromises to make whichever way you choose. If there's a way you can delay that decision (rent short term perhaps) that might be a good way to go as in a few months time you will be more sure how your life is going to look.
Try to be positive - there is life after divorce flowers

Goatrider Fri 27-Sep-19 11:26:17

I moved, not all that far, to be in a convenient location for DCs (teens). House is adequate, but I don't know anyone and have no family nearby. Lost most local social connections due to the divorce. Feel very isolated.

So I would recommend being near friends (assuming they are likely to stay put). How much space do you need to do your job at home?

Goatrider Fri 27-Sep-19 11:27:57

I have tried meetups too, but with not much success (I think it depends on where you live).

lovemenorca Fri 27-Sep-19 11:30:03

*I have not managed to move on at all. Due to the stigma of being divorced I cannot mix with people and neither can my DC.*

Where on earth do you live?

Op for me - initial struggle but 3 years post divorce - it’s so much easier
Whatever you decide you will find your groove

Tweetingmagpie Fri 27-Sep-19 11:33:41

I’d say stick near your friends smile you can always work your way up to affording a space to work from again but you might not find genuine friends who you want to spend time with and can rely on.

Moffa Fri 27-Sep-19 20:50:26

I’d stay & get the 2 bed flat. Kids are A-Level age plus so they will be in & out from now on anyway. Stay near your friends & support network - much more important than anything else flowers

Doughnut123 Sat 28-Sep-19 21:19:15

Hello everyone. I have been divorced for 4 years. My child maintenance has remained the same amount that was agreed on with the solicitor. At the time, my ex husband was on a high wage and the maintenance was a decent amount. However, he now earns much more -I only know this because one of my children overheard him telling someone how much he earned per day and they then told me. It doesn’t seem right that he still pays the same amount, on a very high wage, while I have to claim tax credits. Is it unreasonable to think that the maintenance should increase to reflect his wage increase? Thank you

Doughnut123 Sat 28-Sep-19 21:42:20

Really sorry, first time I’ve posted for ages and thought I was putting a new thread up!
To give my perspective, I have been divorced for 4 years and although it’s hard, it definitely gets easier and I have never regretted it . I am a much stronger person now than when I was married and much more capable than I ever thought possible.
Hope things improve for you 🌻

lovemenorca Mon 30-Sep-19 12:23:38

@Doughnut123

I’m interested in response if you did start a thread!! Did you?

Doughnut123 Mon 30-Sep-19 15:04:36

Hi Lovemenorca. No, I haven’t started a thread, but I think I will. Thank you 🙂

BrigidOShaughnessy Thu 03-Oct-19 07:02:00

Thanks all. You're right. Im going to stay put, live small and hopefully grow. If I lived the dream it'd be a lonely one all round. The kids'd be at their dads all the time and I'd be looking at my easel wishing a mate'd pop-in for a cuppa, which they rarely would. Now about that tattoo....

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