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Husband left after 6 weeks of marriage - new info

(83 Posts)
Fth180519 Mon 23-Sep-19 05:21:10

Hello all

I originally posted when my husband of 6 weeks left me. He gave me no real explanation other than our relationship was an unhappy one and moved to his mother and stepdads place. We have an almost 3 year old DS together.

After trying to talk it came about that my mental health had been one of the things that had led us down that path. I didn't deal with my depression when it first surfaced after my son was born and it got progressively worse. I am now in a better place mentally.

After being gone 9 weeks, DH had a huge falling out with his stepdad and left. He asked to come home as he had nowhere to go. He's in the spare room and although we've been getting on really well, we're not together.

My update is this: I have never been one to snoop but after going out all weekend to his friends and staying out - something he hates doing...i logged onto his laptop. I found messages between him and a friend and DH admitted to having an affair with a mutual friend of theirs for 9 months - before we got married. She is also very recently married to her husband (they got married in June this year and my DH and I in May). In the messages were no feeling of guilt just trying to justify it. Telling him they are crazy about each other, that was why he left me but she was deciding whether to leave her husband.

When he returned today, he left his apple watch on charge whilst cutting the grass so I took the opportunity to have a look
He had messages from another girl he recently started working with, flirty in nature - mainly on his part - turns out she's a teenager (my DH is 32). I can't get my head around this.. The new girl is only since we seperated but the girl he's having an affair with - if he's crazy about her and left his marriage for her then why message another girl? This is not the man I've known for 6 years.. I have no idea who he is anymore.

Peony99 Mon 23-Sep-19 05:24:47

Jeez, sorry, that's horrible of him.

Can you get him to leave again? I wouldn't want him around.

Littlegoth Mon 23-Sep-19 05:24:56

I would be telling him he needs to find somewhere else to live

AmIThough Mon 23-Sep-19 05:30:56

Ask him to leave.

He blames your mental health but really he's just scum.

BringMeAGinandTonic Mon 23-Sep-19 05:41:31

I agree with above, he is scum. It's not your problem he has nowhere else to go. He left, he needs to sort out his own housing and let you move on with your life.

Ask him when he intends to move out/find a new place, as you want to move on.

I suggest not having sex with him, as who knows where he's been.

They always blame the other person when they cheat. My ex did as well. It's okay, in time I healed and so will you. I also found someone 100x better. So will you. One step at a time though, kick him out first.

custardbear Mon 23-Sep-19 06:02:15

He's a cheater - you're well rid of him, honestly, I'd be inclined to tell thenOW husband about their affair and tell the OW about the teenager - then walk away and tell your DP to leave
Let the cheating scum bags sort it out
I'd also be inclined to get myself tested for STDs - you never know how long he's been doing this under the radar

Newmumma83 Mon 23-Sep-19 06:07:19

As you have a ds provided this situation is not hurting your mental health ... stay friends / friendly ( although he is an absolute prick) take an criticism Of you with-a. Huge pinch of salt going forward ... if he ever brings it up or pushes the point I would say I am not interested in your opinion, I do not want to discuss this with you in depth or how I know but you blamed the break up of our 6 week marriage on my mental health full well knowing you had a 9 month affair .... you had checked out
Before we walked down the aisle ... you need to look at yourself a little too and be a bit more honest with you ...no?

And leave it there ... he took the wimps
Way out he left but putting it all
On you knowing your mental health issues ... he has done you a favour ... he is better as a friendly ex ( because of your son )
Upside his opinion of you should be of little consequence going forward

BuildBuildings Mon 23-Sep-19 06:10:43

It's unbelievably awful that he's been having an affair and tried to blame the demise of your relationship on pnd. What a piece of work.

justilou1 Mon 23-Sep-19 06:14:11

Oh what a grub! I’d be telling OW’s husband and sending screenshots AND informing DH’s work. He’s being really icky.

justilou1 Mon 23-Sep-19 06:15:20

Screenshot everything and email to a private email account. You’re going to need this. How long have you been feeling guilty and he’s been the arsehole all along?

MrsAJ27 Mon 23-Sep-19 06:18:42

It was very kind of you to let him move back in.

As others have said, tell him he needs to find somewhere else to live. You have already mentioned your mental health and this situation isn't going to help.

Do you want to speak to him about the messages?

PegasusReturns Mon 23-Sep-19 06:22:35

Get him to leave so you can get some space.

He blamed your post natal depression for his leaving when he was shagging a friend - you should be furious!

Myriade Mon 23-Sep-19 06:39:56

So basically he told you a lie and used what is a ‘weak point’, your MH, to attack you and make you responsible for the split. How nice hmm

And then when the had nowhere to go, he is happy to come back home wo any regard for your feelings or how hard (and not how hard his ds) can find it.

What a catch...

At least now you know him leaving has nothing to do with your MH. He is a cheater who is also happy to be flirty with a teenager (whilst already having an affair with another woman...).
He has nothing to do in that hOuse. The fact he has nowhere to go is HIS problem. He wanted to leave to be with the OW. The fact he fell out with his step dad is not your issue to solve and you certainly don’t have to accommodate him.

I do hope that you are not cooking for him or doing his washing etc....

HugoSpritz Mon 23-Sep-19 06:47:39

Maybe the fall out with his parents is because they have found out about the OW. He probably spun them the same line about your MH.

Stay strong! If the arrangement is working for.you at the moment with regards £ and childcare etc it is up to you whether to let him stay. If not ask him to go.

Personally I would let other woman know that you know and that you will tell her dh if she doesn't but in my head I know that is not the sensible thing and would not be the MN way!

Anyway take control in a way that works for you and try not to give him headspace.

ThinkWittyThoughts Mon 23-Sep-19 06:49:27

I haven't read your previous threads. Is the house in his name at all? If is, you won't be able to kick him out without an occupation order.

Personally, I think you should get your paperwork together, see a solicitor about a divorce and pull the rug from under his twatty feet when you present divorce papers.

The sooner you act, the sooner you stabilise your DS life.

meccacos2 Mon 23-Sep-19 06:58:19

Wow!

Why did you let him move back in?

What on earth are you getting out of it?

Loveislandaddict Mon 23-Sep-19 07:08:28

Ltb!

Mummyoflittledragon Mon 23-Sep-19 07:09:25

Oh my. That is gross. He really is despicable. Kudos for letting him stay.

Fookinwot Mon 23-Sep-19 07:13:53

He needs to go, he’s a cheating gaslighting prick using your mental health against you.

31RueCambon75001 Mon 23-Sep-19 07:18:44

Wow. This has nothing to do with you. He is "crazy" about another woman but still messaging a teenager.

I wouldnt even let him know you know this and how you know it.

I would tell him that his fickleness 6 weeks after yr wedding has killed yr love. Tell him his lack of interest in you and his lack of affection for you and ]his inability to see your value and his deliberate fracturing of yr son's family so soon after your wedding has killed yr affection for him.

It'd only flatter his ego and get in to convoluted pick me if you told him what you know and how you know it and he would use that to distract from his shitty behavior.

Livelovebehappy Mon 23-Sep-19 07:19:45

He’s using you by moving back in - just biding time until one of the women give him the green light and he will be off again to move in with one of them. Tell him you know what’s been going on and say you want him to leave, now. I don’t know how you can beat being in the same house as him. What a nasty piece of work he is.

31RueCambon75001 Mon 23-Sep-19 07:19:47

Ps I agree, throwing yr PND back in yr face as an excuse to make himself feel better about leaving !!! That is gaslighting.

Quartz2208 Mon 23-Sep-19 07:19:50

He is sending flirty messages to a girl he works with without a flirty response back. He is going to be lucky if he doesn’t end up with a disciplinary action or worse that is sexually predatory
Stay strong this is not you and start looking at finalising everything so you don’t live together

LindaLa Mon 23-Sep-19 07:29:05

Remember it's the script.

Shags someone else and when that goes tits up moves on.

Leaves his wife to deal with her "mental health" as it was dragging him down and he needs to leave to protect himself.

OP, get angry.
Kick him out. Bag his stuff up and put it outside. Tell anyone who asks the truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Sort the financial stuff.
You deserve better, so does your son.

Does he do any childcare?
Personally I'd contact the friend he admitted the affair to and ask them what else they know.

GET A STI CHECK!

AryaStarkWolf Mon 23-Sep-19 07:40:39

What a shitbag, not only was he cheating on you but he made you think it was your fault that he left too, kick him out

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