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What are your custody ratios?

(16 Posts)
newnameforthispostonly Thu 19-Sep-19 06:07:03

I have a few questions that the collective MN experience may be able to answer.

If you are divorced or separated what are your custody arrangements in terms of ratio?

If one partner wants 50/50 is that normally given by the courts for a child of any age?

If 50/50 was requested and not granted what where the circumstances behind that?

OP’s posts: |
wobytide Thu 19-Sep-19 06:55:08

Ill summarise the responses

Anywhere from 0/100 to 50/50

Depends on the circumstances

Depends on the circumstances but it's what's in the best interests of the children in the eyes of the court

newnameforthispostonly Thu 19-Sep-19 08:20:10

Thank you

Any personal experiences in this anyone?

OP’s posts: |
Missmonkeypenny Thu 19-Sep-19 08:23:45

We didn’t do court so no experience of that side of things ( very grateful for an amicable split )
Week 1: pick up from school on Friday and bring back home Sunday night
Week 2: collect from school Wednesday, drop Thursday, collect Thursday, drop Friday
Huge flexibility in this for family events/special occasions/trips away etc

DD is nearly 5 and we have been separated since she was 8 months old.

Lorry123 Thu 19-Sep-19 09:55:01

My arrangement is kids with dad 5 nights per fortnight and 9 nights with me. This arrangement was awarded to us by a court following a Section 7. Dad keeps trying to get 50/50 but I have to follow the court order as he is abusive - no flexibility for me sadly

Doyoumind Thu 19-Sep-19 10:03:43

It's always about what is in the best interests of the child. It's also about residence or contact, not custody. They are not possessions.

Factors like who is the primary carer, the age of the children, the distance between parents and all sorts of other stuff will be taken into account.

For a baby contact would be little and often. For older children it would be different. Teens get a say.

Children might see NRP one day every weekend, EOW, EOW and a night midweek or closer to or equal to 50:50.

What are your actual circumstances?

Doyoumind Thu 19-Sep-19 10:05:09

Bear in mind, if it goes to court there are no rules. It can come down to which judge you get on the day. No one can tell you exactly what would happen.

newnameforthispostonly Thu 19-Sep-19 10:19:51

I'm asking on behalf of myself and also a friend.

One of us has an 2 year old, still breastfed with an emotional abusive husband and mental health problems. No specific risk to the child. Divorce an option.

One of us has an 12 month old and a husband who is having an affair. Divorce underway.

I wondered what people's experiences were generally.

OP’s posts: |
Doyoumind Thu 19-Sep-19 12:55:54

Contact doesn't need to be decided by the court. Mediation would be advised (not in the case of abuse but to say there has been abuse it may need to have been reported).

Even at court, only the points the parents can't agree on will be decided by the court. Parents are still encouraged to agree on a suitable proposal before the court orders a specific arrangement.

A judge could say that at 2 being breastfed should not prevent overnights but if the child has been at home with one parent as the main care giver, for example, while the other has worked, and because of the child's age it is not likely 50:50 would be awarded.

What has led to the separation e.g. an affair has no bearing on what happens regarding contact and the husband would have a right to have the OW there during contact time. There's no stopping that.

I know a lot of people who do EOW, either with or without a midweek overnight. For a younger child you could suggest half of every weekend but it limits what you can do.

You could come up with a plan that starts as one thing and changes as the child gets older.

If you are worried about 50:50 I would say it's unlikely to happen at those ages but that's not a guarantee.

waterSpider Thu 19-Sep-19 16:36:48

All things possible, but there is often reference to how things worked before the split (i.e. continuity, practicality). It isn't plausible for a 60 hours a week guy to suddenly become super-dad when the kid is older, and the couple is splitting. However, courts do prefer parents to reach their own arrangements. Sharing weekends (and school holidays for older kids) is a common part of the deal. Still, about 10-20% or so of dads have no contact at all, and maybe 5% have 50/50.

stucknoue Fri 20-Sep-19 22:34:54

Depends on the age, working patterns, how close you both live etc. Kids benefit from frequency generally even if not overnight eg my neighbours ex picks up from school and does the afternoon clubs, feeds her and drops her home twice a week, she only stays over eow, and that's not even always the case because she prefers to sleep at her mums. Amicable mostly so dad occasionally stays in marital home to allow her to have weekends away (plus dog sits, no dogs allowed at his place)

NewMe2019 Mon 23-Sep-19 22:28:17

Mine go to ex's EOW, Tuesday nights and on my weekend they go to ex's on the Friday night as well as he takes them to activites on the Friday eve and Sat morning. He also takes them to activity on a Wednesday eve.

Ive also facilitated a lot extra after he moved out and during the holidays. I felt like i barely saw them. And he still complains if there happens to be 1 period of time that he hasn't seen them and constantly interrupts my time with them by messaging and calling.

Ss770640 Wed 25-Sep-19 18:33:23

It is all relative to interests of child

I suggest to work it out yourselves

Ss770640 Wed 25-Sep-19 18:53:28

Mine is 50/50 decided by her not courts.

Originallymeonly Thu 26-Sep-19 19:17:19

When it went to court (no mediation due to ex arrested for assaulting me) cafcass suggested then 14 yr old was able to decide, she's seen her dad for 2 hours total since she got the choice. Then 8 yr old has to maintain the same as before court, which is every midweek for 2 nights, and nothing extra i holidays. Sucks to be me having to carry on working through the 6 weeks school holidays.

mumof3boy Fri 27-Sep-19 18:19:46

My ex took me to court for child arrangements order.

The arrangement agreed was every other weekend (Friday 5pm to school drop off Monday morning) and Tuesday and Wednesday night every week = 50/50 arrangement

We have changed this between ourselves to Monday and Tuesday night instead of Tuesday and Wednesday as the kids felt like they were back and forth all the time.

This weekend is the first weekend on our new agreement and I feel like it’s going to last forever...

I’m not enjoying this and the worst part is that the the youngest two, ages 6 & 9 are so upset when they leave to go to his. Eldest is 10 and just seems to put up with it.

If the upset continues I question whether 50/50 is right for the children and will in all seriousness take it back to court or cafcass for them to review it and see if I can have the children listened to

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