Hi all. Recent namechanger here. A good few of you contributed on my previous thread whilst working out whether to stay or not. Now I've decided 'not' I could do with some advice when dealing with financial stuff with someone who displays some traits of covert narcissism.
We're going to proceed with our divorce through Amicable, but we only get a certain amount of mediation so I would like to have a good idea of potential issues and outcomes before I enter the process.
Currently our children (two) are quite young, both in the first few years of primary. STBX is currently planning on being generous but you know, you can never tell if it will stick and it often doesn't. He is offering to pay a larger amount than CMS recommends and gift me the house (there's v little equity in it, but hey). I will probably need it written into the orders that he continues to pay the mortgage (whilst relinquishing any rights to the house) until I get a permanent job or my youngest starts secondary.
What I'm concerned about is that the children don't actually cost very much at the moment. Most of their clothes are second hand, they only do minimal extracurriculars, they get free school meals, they don't require travel or technology or school trips...
So chances are just as the youngest gets to secondary school age and uniform gets more expensive, phones and computers are needed, school trips get more costly, they want an allowance and to go out with friends and to concerts and blah blah blah... that's just when (if he wants to be selfish and pay only what is mandated by law) we would get the government mandated amount of child maintenance and nothing else.
Is it possible to write it into court orders that he pays less now and revises costs upwards as the children get older? Or do I just have to rely on his goodwill/sense of fairness to the children to cover additional costs as they arise (and I suppose if his salary increases then the child maintenance amount will do likewise).
Do people tend to find that men are more likely to cover the kind of additional costs I mentioned above if it can be done in a way that they get the credit for it and it strokes their ego? ie- l"ook Daddy got you a lovely mobile phone for christmas and he's going to pay the contract so you can stay in touch isn't that lovely of him" ???
And before I get castigated for not contributing, he is a highly paid professional, I am applying for work but have been a SAHM since the children came along and only did temp work and contract work before that so fingers crossed I will find something that means I can be independent and, maybe, just squirrel away money now whilst he's generous in case I need it to shore things up later.
Oof. Just trying to get my head round all this so apologies if I've asked a stupid question.
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Divorce/separation
Working out finances - would appreciate other's thoughts
6 replies
DustMyselfOff · 14/09/2019 15:46
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