Working out finances - would appreciate other's thoughts

[DustMyselfOff]

Hi all. Recent namechanger here. A good few of you contributed on my previous thread whilst working out whether to stay or not. Now I've decided 'not' I could do with some advice when dealing with financial stuff with someone who displays some traits of covert narcissism.

We're going to proceed with our divorce through Amicable, but we only get a certain amount of mediation so I would like to have a good idea of potential issues and outcomes before I enter the process.

Currently our children (two) are quite young, both in the first few years of primary. STBX is currently planning on being generous but you know, you can never tell if it will stick and it often doesn't. He is offering to pay a larger amount than CMS recommends and gift me the house (there's v little equity in it, but hey). I will probably need it written into the orders that he continues to pay the mortgage (whilst relinquishing any rights to the house) until I get a permanent job or my youngest starts secondary.
What I'm concerned about is that the children don't actually cost very much at the moment. Most of their clothes are second hand, they only do minimal extracurriculars, they get free school meals, they don't require travel or technology or school trips...

So chances are just as the youngest gets to secondary school age and uniform gets more expensive, phones and computers are needed, school trips get more costly, they want an allowance and to go out with friends and to concerts and blah blah blah... that's just when (if he wants to be selfish and pay only what is mandated by law) we would get the government mandated amount of child maintenance and nothing else.

Is it possible to write it into court orders that he pays less now and revises costs upwards as the children get older? Or do I just have to rely on his goodwill/sense of fairness to the children to cover additional costs as they arise (and I suppose if his salary increases then the child maintenance amount will do likewise).

Do people tend to find that men are more likely to cover the kind of additional costs I mentioned above if it can be done in a way that they get the credit for it and it strokes their ego? ie- l"ook Daddy got you a lovely mobile phone for christmas and he's going to pay the contract so you can stay in touch isn't that lovely of him" ???

And before I get castigated for not contributing, he is a highly paid professional, I am applying for work but have been a SAHM since the children came along and only did temp work and contract work before that so fingers crossed I will find something that means I can be independent and, maybe, just squirrel away money now whilst he's generous in case I need it to shore things up later.

Oof. Just trying to get my head round all this so apologies if I've asked a stupid question.

[LemonTT]

I think you need some professional advice to understand your entitlement and what is legally possible.

For example, lenders generally don’t agree to someone being on a mortgage if they don’t have an interest in the home. In reality to own a home as a single person you either need to have the cash to buy or be eligible in your own right for a mortgage. That will be dependent on your income.

In your position you will be entitled to child maintenance and probably state benefits. It is also possible, if you are married, to apply for spousal maintenance as part of your divorce settlement. This is not entitlement and you will need to make the case either to your ex or the judge. It is usually time limited as assumptions will be made that you can and should return to the workplace.

In terms of life planning I would assume that maintenance and benefits will be based on need and that as the children get older it will be accepted that you can generate increased income and become less reliant on both.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Courts try to stay away from child maintenance in orders as whatever they put it can revert to CMS after 12 months.
I would work on increasing your earning power for the future.

[DustMyselfOff]

Thank you. I'm doing all I can. There's just so much to get my head around in such a short space of time.

[AMAM8916]

You won't be able to get gifted the house. It has a mortgage on it and there's no way any mortgage company would allow someone not named on the mortgage to be on the deeds and the person paying the mortgage not to be on the deeds.

You would have to have a legal agreement put in place that he pays the mortgage as part of spousal/child maintenance then he can gift you the house once the mortgage is paid off.

However, it's unlikely you will get awarded spousal maintenance if the marriage wasn't very long, your children are both healthy and in full time education and you are not ill yourself and able to work.

I have a feeling you would be relying heavily on his generosity and that's not good. Do you know the amount of CM he would have to pay based on his salary? It would be roughly 20% as you have 2 children. This is legally what you are entitled to as well as an equal share of any equity in the house. Everything else would solely depend on him agreeing to legally give more but I would be weary to rely on that as all he would have to do is apply to court to amend it if he for example remarried and his new wife wasn't happy with the arrangement

[DustMyselfOff]

11 years seems a pretty decent length of time. My youngest is under 5. I am looking for work but it'll take some time to get my earnings up to what is needed. I'm just exhausted.

[stucknoue]

It's possible to have a private arrangement, a set amount of child maintenance % of salary and a set amount of spousal support (with 2% annual uplift perhaps) and agree to review in set circumstances eg if you move in with new partner, your income increases beyond a set threshold or when your eldest is due to start secondary. I would suggest he pays 50% of school uniform costs each summer and school trips are discussed on a case by case basis. Hope this helps - this is basically our agreement