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Childcare options after divorce

(9 Posts)
JLbaby Wed 11-Sep-19 14:00:53

Hi all,

I'm after some advice and was wondering if anyone has any experience of having two different childminders for their kids after divorce (ex-h abusive, divorce not amicable and he makes my life as difficult as possible just as background info).

Long story short, it's not working out with my current childminder (nothing to do with the childminder herself - she's great). When divorcing my ex, during mediation he agreed to pay half the childcare costs. However, this hasn't worked out and he's refused to pay half the childcare costs every week so far, leaving me to pick up the bill for most of the childcare, (which I can't afford).

So I am thinking of removing myself from the situation and getting a new childminder and paying her for when I need her and ex can sort his side of the childcare out himself. Does anyone have any experience of this? I'm really reluctant to move them to a new childminder but I just can't afford his share of the childcare as well as my own!

I'm not sure if I've explained myself very well, but hopefully someone might have experience of dealing with an ex like mine!

OP’s posts: |
SpringerLink Wed 11-Sep-19 15:24:57

Can you come to an agreement with the current childminder whereby she invoices you separately for the days that you are each responsible for? Or keep the children with the current childminder on your days?

JLbaby Wed 11-Sep-19 15:40:34

It's not really as simple as that unfortunately, for example I do drop off on some days and he will do pick up - in that case who would pay for that day? Obviously it would be far easier if we just paid 50/50 but he likes to make my life difficult!

Either way, the childminder wouldn't invoice us separately, she gives us one bill and just wants the money, she doesn't care who pays it. It's obviously just me that's losing out as I'm the one that ends up paying.

OP’s posts: |
StressyDressyHeels Wed 11-Sep-19 15:42:59

It doesn’t sound like your new approach will sort things for you either. Can you pursue him for maintenance via CMS?

JLbaby Wed 11-Sep-19 15:52:16

Thanks. He pays maintenance, however he agreed to pay 50% childcare separately (during mediation). Perhaps I should just give up and agree to pay the childcare as well!?

OP’s posts: |
Otter71 Wed 11-Sep-19 19:19:30

How old are the children? Most childminders are not flexible enough to cope with as and when for under 8s ime as they then lose money. Also what is the chance that he does nothing and the kids end up waiting at the school gate with no childcare arrangements? I think I would go back to mediation and suggest he adds the appropriate amount to maintenanceif he can't pay it directly...

JLbaby Wed 11-Sep-19 20:36:08

They are 4 and 7. He won’t agree to mediation again (already asked) and my only other option is court which I can’t afford.

OP’s posts: |
Techway Wed 11-Sep-19 20:46:21

Do you both worth full time?

Generally CMS is supposed to cover all expenses, which I know isn't fair. What % of CMS is childcare.
Sadly I am not sure court would help, especially if already divorced with a clean break.

JLbaby Wed 11-Sep-19 20:51:21

He works full time (v high earner) and I work part time. Can’t afford to go full time due to childcare costs!! Cms covers the childcare term time but not during holidays (as obviously the childminder changes a day rate during the holidays and an hourly rate term time).

OP’s posts: |

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