Are you a parent who's been through divorce or separation? Survey about mediation and courts (Eng and Wales only)

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

We've been contacted by the organisation Only Mums with a request for parents who've been through separation or divorce to fill out their survey about the mediation and courts process when it comes to settling questions of child welfare and contact.

They will use the responses to inform their response to a consultation taking place into reform proposals.

You can fill in the survey here.

Please note it's not Mumsnet's survey so we won't be able to answer questions about it directly - but as ever would be really interested to hear your thoughts on Family Courts in general and these reform proposals in particular.

Thanks
MNHQ

[RowanMumsnet]

@FrancisCrawford

It might be helpful to clarify that the processes in question only relate to England and Wales

Thanks Francis - have edited the thread title now

[VeThings]

The survey assumes that child matters have had to go through mediation and/or court.

Is the group not interested in parents who reached agreement themselves, where the only court involvement was to legalise the arrangement?

I would have found it helpful to have expectations set out on conduct by both parents. My ex thinks he can simply not have the DC when it’s his time to have them.

Also mediation should not be compulsory of the parents are able to reach a decision on the care themselves - I would not like to see it made mandatory.

[lovemenorca]

You need a prize
I am a lone parent who’s been recently through divorce
If I’m going to do this - it would be nice to have possibility of a treat at the end of it!

[putastrawunderbaby]

Too difficult to fill in on a mobile phone. Once you've added comments, the screen keeps jumping back to them every time you answer and it takes ages to scroll forwards and find where you were.

[RuffleCrow]

Yes i have. The mediation service is not fit for purpose:

The people most in need of assistance in making arrangements regarding children and finances are (mainly female) victims of domestic abuse and yet these are the same people least able to benefit from mediation.

I was told many conflicting and unhelpful things in the 5 yrs it took me to extricate myself from my dangerous ex: that mediation would not be considered in my circumstances; that it could be done via a 'shuttle' mediator with my ex and i in separate rooms; that i had to go straight to court with no representation because i'd initially turned down mediation due to the first recommendation.

As it turned out we did have 'shuttle' mediation at one point, which my ex used to visibly intimidate the (large, male, 40 something) experienced mediator. Not long after that, the mediator told me he felt too intimidated to continue but that he was unable to help my case in any way by reporting to the family court how my ex had basically scared the shit out of him.

So because the mediator was unable to give extremely valuable evidence to the court, my children now spend approximately a third of their lives in the sole charge of a man capable of scaring the living daylights out of another man. . Hopefully my children will one day be in the position to sue. Assuming they make it to adulthood unscathed enough to do so.

[nevernotstruggling]

Completed

[RainMinusBow]

One can't mediate with a true narcissist!!!